Need help with over friendly neighbors asap!!!!!

[sundance]

Put up a fence, may cost you some now but in the long run it will be worth it. GOOD FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBORS, when we bough our house in Fla every one around us was family, and one of the family had sold to us. the first thing we did was put up a fence, my DH told all the neighbors that since we had 2 dogs we did not want our dogs on anyone else's property, even tho they were toy poodles, we wanted them to stay home. Every one respected that and we got along great for 16 years until we sold.

 

[Dilly]

I do not see anything wrong with the neighbor, He is being allowed to do chores and improvements. He is allowed to do the things the owner cannot. he mowed the grass, my god get over it.

I would not lay the problem at his feet. If you do not want his help, stop allowing him to help you out when conveinent.
I would not allow him to come and go as he wishes or to cut down trees that we did not mutually agree to cutting down. But, you have set up this situation and admitted to keeping him around till you have no use for him any longer. I feel you are not the good neighbor or being at all fair to this man.

There are ways of communicating. Ask him why mowing that portion of grass is a necessity. See if he has more than cosmetic reasons for doing so. Most people would be very appreciative of somene doing fire control and weed control for them. Not in this case obviously.

Stop playing this neighbor and using him if your intentions are to only be polite till the need is gone.
Talk it out, explain why you like the grass. Why you want the trees. Listen to why he suggested doing these improvements for you along with his other chores that you do appreciate.

Come to an understanding but do so honestly. Do not be the kind of neighbor that he will come to resent and rightfully so.

 

[supdude]

aww man i was so confused, when you said you needed him to plow your drive i was like ??? plow it ? why are you planting crops in your driveway lol than somebody mentioned SNOW lol. i live in south louisiana and that never crossed my mind. anyway i think there is only 1 sure way to settle this, you gotta steal the tractor......

 

[amazondoc]

I'm with Dilly. Talk it out honestly but politely, and respect his feelings and opinions as well as your own.

I recently purchased a "mini-farm", and I've been putting up fencing. On one side, we had the property line resurveyed (the other side had been surveyed very recently). My property line basically cuts a slice through what LOOKED like the neighbor's front yard -- several feet on the far side of the "hedgerow".

Understandably, the neighbors were not thrilled. So we talked it out, and they got a friend of theirs who is a surveyor to resurvey the line before I finished my fence on that side. Their survey agreed with mine.

Now, when the fencers came back to finish the fence, one of them told me that he thought the line had been moved a foot or two. I told him that was okay. I don't know whether it was moved or not -- but even if it was, it wasn't by much -- and it's worth losing a foot or two in order to keep the peace with new neighbors! They are satisfied, I'm satisfied, and I'm less likely to have trouble with them about my dogs and noisy parrots because I've already shown them that I'm interested in TALKING to them and I'm willing to make reasonable adjustments to keep them happy.

Anyway -- that's my long-winded way of saying I feel your pain about having to be careful with neighbors, and you need to TALK to them rather than just venting to us!

 

[Flufnstuffs~FluffySilkies]

Hello,
I feel for ya, If we are not talking a lot of trees then there are things you can do to show him you like the trees with out hurting feeling.
Such as hang bird feeders and bird houses from them
lflowers around the trunks. You can also hang cute signs from some. It may give you some craft projects to work on.

As for the field I agree I like the prarie look myself.
I like thinks like milk weeds for the Monarchs.

As the owner of a field though I have learned that you do need to Mow it at the ver least once every 2 years.
this prevents it from growing up to brush. We have a problem in this part of the country with fast growing thorn
brush/bushes.

GOOD LUCK.

 

[Reinbeau]

I was going to say, but Fluffnstuffs beat me to it - fields do need to be maintained or they won't be fields much longer. Is he manicuring it like a lawn or occasionally cutting it so you won't need a brush hog to beat it back into submission? Think long and hard before you complain about a neighbor who is trying to 'do the right thing', even though you may not think it's totally correct.

As for the trees, you really do need to talk ti him about them. I'd leave the field out of it, but definitely tell him you'd rather he leave the trees alone. There's nothing wrong with doing this in a nonconfrontational manner. Ignore those who want you to pull out the first flame-thrower. There's no need to make enemies - but there's also no need to be walked all over.

 

[McGoo]

Ninny,
imho - Pie and a dz eggs in hand, talk to him about the how much owning your land means to you and how much you appreciate his help. Then hit him with your love of trees and how you don't want them cut down... and then immediately go back to how supportive he and his wife have been.

Pick your fights carefully - this isn't one of them. Ignore the hair length comment - it's the comment of an older person who doesn't know any better.

good luck

 

[cheeptrick]

Plant wildflowers in the field...print up a picture of a beautiful wildflower meadow and take it over and ask him what he thinks about the field looking like THIS!! Ask his opinion on flower types and how should the field be prepared...WHO knows you may find him out there tilling it all up putting in wildflower terraces FOR you!! In my experience...its better to have a solution when telling some one NO. I'd never once say anything about the mowing of the field...just give him a vision of how you want your property to look like. That way no one gets hurt or offended and you've made your point!

Good Luck

 

[joebryant]

Quote:
I get the opposite impression - they are your friends, or at least they're trying to be. He thought he was doing you a favor by mowing your field, and you're certainly willing to have him plow for you.

I bend over backwards to stay on good terms with my neighbors because I have to, like, live next to them and stuff.

It's paid off over and over. There have been times when I bit my tongue, but now I'm glad I did. Just last week when I hurt my foot taking my dock apart, my neighbors came over unasked and finished the job for me. We take care of each other and the neighborhood is a pleasant place.

Patandchickens and Oblio, I have some of the best of neighbors also, and we all get along very well. One even cut my grass when I was in the hospital and after I got out.
I disagree with you totally though when you suggest that this neighbor means well; he doesn't.
If someone comes and tells you that he is going to cut down your trees after having mowed your field that you did not want mowed, I seriously doubt that you would go inside and bake him a pie.

 

[amazondoc]

Joe, ya got it all wrong. IMHO.

The OP has already proven to the neighbor (in the neighbor's mind) that she/her family can't take care of herself, because she admits that she needs the neighbor to plow her driveway.

Now, this is a country patriarch.

So --

In his mind, he already knows that she/her family can't take care of herself. To him, therefore, it logically follows that she/her family also can't take care of her field -- so he mows it. And since, in his mind, she now can't take care of her driveway OR her field, it also logically follows that she can't take care of her trees either.

He may be patronizing and overbearing, but in his mind he's just being a good friend to her.

IMHO, being aggressive with the neighbor wouldn't make anything better. I'm with the folks who suggest pie and/or eggs, plus effusive thanks for plowing the driveway -- FOLLOWED BY an honest but NOT confrontational discussion of the field and trees. They need to work TOGETHER to keep a good relationship going, NOT fight against each other and possibly create a chronic feud.