Nice Girl syndrome... so true

[chickened]

Society cannot make that decision for you you must make it tough as it seems some do and survive. We cannot save those that do not want to save themselves regardless the situation even on other topics and issues drug abuse alcohol you name it ultimately the fortitude is needed on the victim then help will work.
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while I see what you are saying, sometimes abuse starts out subtle then builds, the abused becomes isolated an afraid and by the time he or she realizes something is bad it is very difficult to leave.

once the person realizes the situation most of them do eventually leave (at least now a days. it use to be very few to no resources were available to abuse victims)

leaving an abuser is often the most dangerous time and this is when many of the victims who will be killed are killed because the abuser is desperate to re-assert control over the victim.

What's more, society doesn't make it easy for a woman to leave a situation like that. Most religions mark the man a the head of the home and that you have to honor what he says and does. So there's that. FYI: I'm not blaming religion for DV, I'm just saying that this can play a factor. Then there's such a stigma on divorce and on being a single parent, even if it is happening more and more everyday.

Most of these women (and even men) have been psychologically beaten down to where they think that this is what they deserve. They can do no better. They will ultimately fail and mess up their children even more if they leave. That's what the abusers program them to believe.

It is statistically proven that it takes a person an average of 5 to 7 attempts to leave a domestic violence relationship. It ISN'T because he/she likes it. It ISN'T because he/she deserves it. It's for many, many reasons...some of the ones I've described and then many others. We as a society should make it easier and reach out to these people who are suffering and let them know that NO ONE deserves that.

 

[Junkmanme]

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For the most part, I think that we IMPROVE our World by minding our own business and correctly living our own lives. Often where we get into TROUBLE is poking our noses into someone else's business with the excuse that we are "saving-the-World".

It's usually NONSENSE and often is the true root of the problem.

-Junkmanme-

since you are responding to a post a bout domestic violence... are you really suggesting ignore domestic violence is better because we are minding our own business? really?

NOT at all. I AM suggesting that YOU (or anyone else) is NOT sufficiently INFORMED of the circumstances in someone else's house to be able to draw such "preemptory" conclusions. I AM suggesting that perhaps people should concentrate on improving their OWN situations. My guess is that people have enough to do "cleaning-up their own messes" without stirring up trouble elsewhere.

Wanna improve the World? Clean your OWN yard. Teach by example.

-Junkmanme-

P.S. I am NOT trying to be "rude". I am merely stating a differing opinion.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Also wanted to add in that it is not uncommon for both abusers and abused to have been raised in family environments that either perpetuated certain ideas or modeled behavior that was normalized and internalized by the then children who grew up to be those adults. When you work with such cases, you really start to see what a damaging cycle abuse is. Generations of damage, sometimes complicated by mental illness. Ask people who grew up in awful environments, and many will tell you they thought they came from a perfectly normal family, and that they were obviously terrible children for the way they made mom or dad so mad. That doesn't just go away, that sticks with you into adulthood.

 

[KristyHall]

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since you are responding to a post a bout domestic violence... are you really suggesting ignore domestic violence is better because we are minding our own business? really?

NOT at all. I AM suggesting that YOU (or anyone else) is NOT sufficiently INFORMED of the circumstances in someone else's house to be able to draw such "preemptory" conclusions. I AM suggesting that perhaps people should concentrate on improving their OWN situations. My guess is that people have enough to do "cleaning-up their own messes" without stirring up trouble elsewhere.

Wanna improve the World? Clean your OWN yard. Teach by example.

-Junkmanme-

P.S. I am NOT trying to be "rude". I am merely stating a differing opinion.

its all in how you s tat said opinion. by calling someone else's observations and opinions hogwash you are stating your opinion in a rude and dismissive manner. How am I not sufficiently informed on subjugation and abuse? tell me.

once again by saying we should not worry about other situations when someone is posting about domestic violence, even when you try to clarify, it still comes across as if you are saying we should ignore domestic violence. I know that isn't what you mean. I would like to think you would not be that sort of person.

 

[chickened]

My sister did it and she has told me and I witnessed her do it. She was beat daily for 9 years and would not leave. I think maturity on her part was the only thing that helped. I did not say it was simple I suggested the solution was simple in and of itself how you accomplish it may be difficult but what good thing comes easy. Sometimes jail is the best option but as soon as the cops arrive they turn on the cops. Don't put him in jail is what they say just make him leave which really means I want my cake and to eat it too in regards to the abuser. Those that really want to leave can and are given protection sometimes it means tough choices like living in a shelter but it is possible.
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Dude, I really wish you could spend a day at my job and tell me that...If that were true then my life would be so much easier and I'd sleep better at night.

There are abusers who would rather go to jail than let their partner leave a relationship. Then you have some police officers that would rather blame the victim for everything that's going on and not enforce court documents saying that the abuser can't be in contact with her.

It's not that simple. It really, really isn't.

 

[WickedNerd]

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What's more, society doesn't make it easy for a woman to leave a situation like that. Most religions mark the man a the head of the home and that you have to honor what he says and does. So there's that. FYI: I'm not blaming religion for DV, I'm just saying that this can play a factor. Then there's such a stigma on divorce and on being a single parent, even if it is happening more and more everyday.

Most of these women (and even men) have been psychologically beaten down to where they think that this is what they deserve. They can do no better. They will ultimately fail and mess up their children even more if they leave. That's what the abusers program them to believe.

It is statistically proven that it takes a person an average of 5 to 7 attempts to leave a domestic violence relationship. It ISN'T because he/she likes it. It ISN'T because he/she deserves it. It's for many, many reasons...some of the ones I've described and then many others. We as a society should make it easier and reach out to these people who are suffering and let them know that NO ONE deserves that.


What about those that don't have alcohol or drug problems but their abusers are psychopaths? I really wish I could share the stories of the women I work with at the shelter because they are some HARDWORKING individuals who have had to give up everything their children and them have ever known. They are making it work! Can they leave shelter right now? Heck no! Their abusers are trying to find them. We've had some near misses that cause all of the shelter workers to panic. Police reports have been filed and their abusers are still out on the streets.
Check out the NCADV's website. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence If it weren't a problem, then this wouldn't be necessary.
This is a real sore point with me.

 

[KristyHall]

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well said.

you add in addictions, culture, religion, and various other factors and it become a complicated issue that is not as simple as "leave them"

 

[welsummerchicks]

While it's true of some people, I don't think it's universal. My SO isn't infantilized or childlike, and we are, in most things, very equal partners.

 

[KristyHall]

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What about those that don't have alcohol or drug problems but their abusers are psychopaths? I really wish I could share the stories of the women I work with at the shelter because they are some HARDWORKING individuals who have had to give up everything their children and them have ever known. They are making it work! Can they leave shelter right now? Heck no! Their abusers are trying to find them. We've had some near misses that cause all of the shelter workers to panic. Police reports have been filed and their abusers are still out on the streets.
Check out the NCADV's website. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence If it weren't a problem, then this wouldn't be necessary.
This is a real sore point with me.

 

[KristyHall]

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I agree. it is not universal thus the saying that some researchers believe it is a growing trend.