Nice Girl syndrome... so true

[tazcat70]

I was just dealing with this yesterday...truthfully everyday. I am one of those people who have trouble saying no. The worst offenders are my family.

I am the only one in my family that has this problem, both of my sisters will tell you no in a heartbeat if it inconveniences them in the least. I have requested the book from the library, because I know that the fault is mine and that I am the only one that can change the fact that I am a doormat.

Thank you Kristy for posting this, I really appreciate it.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Taz, I'll be looking into it myself, but a book that was suggested to me was, "Your Perfect Right". I hear it is a great book and it was suggested by someone who has very good judgment and advice, who I know and trust, otherwise I'd never suggest a book I hadn't read yet. Genetics can highly influence what interactions upbringing has on us, and if you have an imbalance that causes high anxiety, one path that can take is the doormat effect.

 

[KristyHall]

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glad it helps. Sometimes it is nice to know you are not alone

 

[tazcat70]

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Thanks Punk! I will look for that one too.

 

[schellie69]

I have always considered myself a nice girl why. I treat people with respect I take care of those I love and help people when I can. I will stand up and tell someone if that person is hurting me or my family. I am not a push over I won't be mis-treated or abused. I have left an abusive relationship it took me a few false starts to leave but I did it. I am now married to a wonderful man who works hard to take care of his family our marriage is a partnership we work together for what is best for our family. I agree with Kristyhall that people can be in relationships with more then one person its now called a poly relationship. I feel that everyone loves more then one person. I don't judge any ones lifestyle or their choices.

On DV I have a friend that has a friend that left an abuser only to choose to go back to him because its what the kids want. I think she likes playing the victim and getting the attention that comes from it. Her ex-husband has abused 2 of their children I have no sympathy for this woman and feel she does not deserve to have her kids. Why she is putting them in danger. As a mom your first job is to protect your children.

I don't feel that the way women or men act is the problem it is all the children getting raised to believe that their was no consequence for their actions. Oh that is boys being boys. or the teacher who flunked a bunch of kids for cheating only to get told she had to change their grades or get fired. Parents are teaching their kids it is okay to lie, cheat steal and be mean. This is going to be a big problem in the future.

I have always raised my kids to treat others the way they want to be treated and to respect other people's believes and opinions even if they did not believe the same way. I think if everyone just respect others believes this world would be a lot better.

On the topic of hugging I was not raised in a huggy family however my DH was and he always likes hugs after 17 years I have found that I now enjoy a hug and don't mind when others need hugs and I now feel more comfortable giving hugs. I also won't stand for some one I don't know hugging me or trying to they get one warning. I do like my own personal space and hope others respect that. If I see someone coming that likes to hug I just stick my hand out for a hand shake usually stops the hug and lets the other person know that I am not open for a hug.

Just because I consider my self a nice girl does not mean I am anyone's door mat or will put up with any bad behavior from anyone. I have no problem telling some off or telling some to go away. I think you can be a nice caring person with out being mean.

 

[KristyHall]

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[Dunkopf]

Hey, you can call me dude. Just don't call me dudette or late for supper.

Seriously though. The misconceptions about abused women are unreal. I can't believe how people judge total strangers with absolutely no clue about their situation. Not just abused women either. Just anyone that might need some kind of help. It's really sad and doesn't say much for our society.

 

[WickedNerd]

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Hehe, thanks dude. Honestly, I call most of my friends dude or babe. I don't mean anything by it. Kristy has been called both and I think I even called her bf babe at one point. I blame it on being a Californianized Alabamian that spent too much time on the beach.

As for DV and reaching out to those in need, completely agree with you 100%.

Kudos.

 

[Boyd]

 

[chickened]

Leaving DOES work for the ones that never make it to the shelters. They see the folly of the matter sooner than some I guess.
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