OK I need to say this: to new parents

[ChickenAlgebra]

DH at times has night terrors, so NO baby is in our bed. Plus, I can't breast feed easily, but I can pump like no tomorrow, so either of us gets up with a hungry/dirty baby.

 

[ChickyLove]

Surprisingly, my daughter's pedi highly recommended co-sleeping to me. Bonnie had such severe reflux that even medications weren't working. Tried, tons of side sleepers, wedge pillows, nests, etc. When she was three weeks old and I was on the verge of a complete meltdown myself over no sleep, constant reflux issues with her (having to constantly clear her airways), buying the angel monitor, the video monitor, etc. I tried sleeping her in her swing, her carseat, you name it. We had done testing galore, thought she was pyloric, turned out she wasn't. Finally her pedi said "Co-sleep with her. Cradle her in your arms just like you would if you were nursing her, body pillow on either side of your body, arm with her head in the crook propped up nice and high and co-sleep. You will BOTH get rest and the reflux may just taper off." I did precisely what I was told to do. Her reflux did taper off within about a week to about twice a day as opposed to 8-9 times a day. She started gaining weight and we both slept. I co-slept with her until she turned two in that same doggone position I was told to originally.

That said, I do NOT believe co-sleeping is good for everyone in every situation. If a person is so danged tired that they can sleep through smothering their own child on accident then there is an issue. Some people are just incredibly deep sleepers and should invest in an angel monitor and a video monitor. Period.

 

[Elite Silkies]

I had twins, both with severe reflux, one with apnea that had a monitor. I never had time to co-sleep, I swear I slept sitting up on the side of the bed

JK...... but I napped, I wondered sometimes if I was going to make it through the first year alive myself. The fear of one of them choking on their own vomit was enough to keep me on edge and alert at all times, and I am the type that can sleep through a tornado.

My mother co-slept with me because I also had apnea with no monitor. She could wake up to a pin dropping. She also co-slept with my son because he had severe reflux and his Dr. put him on thick thick formula when he was only 6 weeks old. He had to sleep elevated at all times. It was too much for me, and I was scared that I would not wake up, he was my first child, so my mom stepped in and helped me out.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I think the circumstance of the child would determine that.

 

[suzettex5]

Touchy subject, huh? Im on baby #6, and have co-slept with all of my children. Breastfed them all, and never had any issues. I dont think its right to make a broad, blanket statement like 'NEVER co-sleep with your baby', thats just not right. There are many, many children and babies who survive other things that people say to 'never do', or conversely say 'this is fine and normal to do' and then pass away. Amazing that the billions of people managed to reach adulthood through the ages despite not being told how to do everything like co-sleeping. Before 'Big Brother' came along to tell us how to live our lives (not always a bad thing), sleeping with baby was normal and accepted.

I agree with a previous poster- If we didnt do ANYTHING 'they' tell us is dangerous for our children, they would dang near have to live in bubbles. Ive seen many threads here on BYC about 'The good 'ol days', -when you played out till the street lights came on (OMG, where were our parents to prevent kid-nappers?) or riding bikes without helmets (whoa, how did we survive all the brain damage?) playin in creeks all day (what, didnt anyone tell them about all the pathogens in that dirty water?) and the list goes on. Yes times have changed, and yes, now we know more, but some things we need to slow up a bit on. Some things people need to be allowed to make their own decisions on without being told when, where, and how.

Used to be we were supposed to put baby to sleep on its tummy to be safe, now, its like a death sentance, if you listen to all the 'back-to-sleep' supporters.

Not putting your advice down, as I DO believe it is relevant and the risks SHOULD be told to parents and proper technics should be used and practiced. REAL statistics should be provided and people need to know their limits. No practice is one size fits all when it comes to raising children.

Scare tactics are not right and not fair. I dont think you are putting down parents who co-sleep, more the practice its self. And I am sure your heart is heavy after having been through what you have been through, but please, dont try to discourage a normal thing by using scare tactics. Education is always best, informed parents are going to make better parents, scared parents are just going to transfer their nervousness to the new baby and end up with a nervous baby.

There are great little beds out now that fit into the adult bed, take up little room and help keep blankets and pillows away from baby. Co-sleeping is NOT evil, and it is safe and do-able, there are millions of living breathing people in the world today as living proof.

Are there casualties and risks due to co-sleeping? Yes, I will admit to that. Do I think it is something to put at the top of my list as a huge danger to my newborn? Nope. But, thats me, and MY situation (and my FIVE children who benefitted from it). And what has worked for me, may not work for someone else who isnt prepared or educated on the practice.

I am glad you are telling people the risks though. Hopefully people will educate themselves, but NOT be scared into doing anything but what they feel is right for themselves and their children.

 

[ChickenfootDuckbutt]

If we didnt do ANYTHING 'they' tell us is dangerous for our children, they would dang near have to live in bubbles

....I've always wanted to live in a bubble.....

when you played out till the street lights came on (OMG, where were our parents to prevent kid-nappers?) or riding bikes without helmets (whoa, how did we survive all the brain damage?) playin in creeks all day (what, didnt anyone tell them about all the pathogens in that dirty water?)

I quite readily agree with this, times have changed so much in the last decade or so, I remember being FIVE or SIX and dragging garden snakes, or small black snakes home, my arms would be bitten to pieces and bleeding and I'd trapse happily into our house "MOMMA! look what I got!" proudly holding my well earned treasure who was not happy at being...treasure

and all my mom would say was "that is a pretty snake baby, but please take it back outside for me", does that one dismissive sentence say she didn't care?, ofcourse not, she would have been no where near that calm if it had of been a Copperhead, which we had plenty of, but one glance and she could tell I wasn't in trouble

in contrast i was never allowed to go outside near dusk by myself until it was beaten into my head that some people WOULD take me and possibly hurt me and we lived in the middle of no-where, but i had to be careful.


my mom never WANTED to breastfeed because she was afraid that she couldn't (what a small chest had got to do with breastfeeding i'll never know), and she didn't want to co-sleep because HER mom said babies needed to sleep alone

......

my cousin on the other hand has brestfed both of her sons (4 and 1), she self-weaned her older son, and he did not wean until she got pregnant with her youngest because her milk stopped coming for a while, does that mean that it was "child abuse?" NO!, she did not co-sleep with her oldest because she let the docters and her mom basically BULLY her into thinking it was wrong, but with her new baby she did what she wanted.

many many years ago, breastfeeding until 2,3,4 years old was accepted as normal and the RIGHT thing to do now-a-days breastfeeding for that length of time is considered by many as "wrong" or child pornograhpy or molestation what?

, WHO comes up with the fact that something so NATURAL is abuse.

bears, for example nurse from their mothers for almost 3 years, I guess that should be considered Bear-cub-pornography...or bear...lestation?

, but lucky it's not, it's not even looked at, because guess what?, not alot of people know that, nor care if they do, it's "natural"

of all the worse things people could, and DO do to their kids, co-sleeping should be at the bottom of the "abuse" list IMO or completely taken off, and eaten or some such.

it is, infact very sad when any child dies for any reason, but as others have said, to BLAME co-sleeping, "you slept with your baby, and KEELED ET!", what sens e does that make?​

 

[The Burg Peeps]

I am a co sleeping and breast feeding advocate but there are limitations to co sleeping, as there are with everything. I am not oblivious to the risks e.g. drugs of any kind, alcohol of any amount, smoking, sleeping disorders, multiple children, etc. Obesity comes with all sorts of other issues including sleep apnea. An estimated 18 million Americans have sleep apnea, which is often associated with people who are overweight. "As the person gains weight, especially in the trunk and neck area, the risk of sleep-disordered breathing increases due to compromised respiratory function," say Margaret Moline, PhD, and Lauren Broch, PhD, two sleep specialists at New York Weill Cornell Medical Center. http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/obesity-and-sleep

A woman should know her sleeping patterns and be cautious when co sleeping, this is not up for debate! A woman who sleeps like a stone should know better than to snuggle up next to her infant. As I had posted earlier in this thread... many other cultures practice co sleeping and have for generations. These places include much of southern Europe, Asia, Africa and Central and South America.
AGAIN I will post a quote from http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/cosleeping_world.html :

Japan, another industrialized country, not only has one of the lowest infant mortality rates (less than 3 infants per 1000 live births compared with around 7 for the United States), but one of the lowest SIDS rates in the world (between .2 and .3 babies per 1000 live births compared with approximately .5 per 1000 infants for the US). The Japan SIDS Family Organization reported that SIDS rates continue to decline in Japan as maternal smoking approaches practically 0, and exclusive breastfeeding reaches around 70-75 % . In fact, one report shows that as bedsharing and breastfeeding increased and as maternal smoking decreased, SIDS rates decreased. This suggests yet again that it is not necessarily bedsharing, but how it is practiced, that can be dangerous.

Interestingly, it may be that Japanese bedsharing rates do not differ all that much from those in the US, but the cultural acceptance of cosleeping as the norm is very different. In 1998, 60% of parents said they practiced bedsharing in Japan, only about 16% more than US parents. This means that the practice of cosleeping does not necessarily vary a great deal from culture to culture, but rather that the social acceptance of cosleeping is what varies.

No Governement association will EVER support something that is not across the board SAFE! Co sleeping is not a good choice for everyone so it will never be supported by the government. There are too many variables for it to be claimed as 'best practice' but for many it is the RIGHT CHOICE!

Please, if we could STOP the judgement for a moment and really look at what is important... what is right for some isn't always right for all and one should not pass judgement. For the most part, mothers want to do everything to keep their children safe and therefore the decision is theirs! STOP THE JUDGEMENT!!!!!!!

Peace.
I can't help but think this is a bit of a controversial and passionate subject for both sides and a Chicken forum really isn't the place for such a debate.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Several of you seemed to have missed the part where I said if you must co sleep use a side car or bassinet etc etc etc..... There are ways to sleep with your baby next to you. That is different than putting your baby in your bed with you and American beds are usually different than Japanese beds. Japanese beds tend to be harder and use fewer accoutrements.


I give up. People apparently hear what they want to hear anyway.

 

[suzettex5]

Oh no, I saw what you wrote about the bassinets and side-sleepers. I just dont agree that those are the only way to sleep with a baby in your bed. I hope you dont feel to picked on, and please dont think your warnings will go unheeded. My personal experience has been to share the bed with my babies', and it has worked fine for us. I have tried bassinets and side-sleepers, and they arent much different than a crib, baby is still seperated from you, and you still have to get all the way up and work around constrictions to feed the baby, not to mention trying to navigate the side-sleeper with a c-section incision at 3 am to go to the bathroom is not easy or fun, or trying to change diapers when the side-sleeper is in the way of basically all your supplies (my nightstand can only hold so much before an avalanche occurs and then EVERYTHING is out of reach).

I dont really agree with the Japanese bedding issue either. They are often quite like us in bedding and bed styles. The Japanese are far from the only culture to regularly co-sleep with their babies. Personally, I think co-sleeping goes largely unreported by most Americans, simply because of all the propaganda against it and parents are too afraid or embarrassed to admit to it.

However, I DO think anyone who chooses to co-sleep should do so with only VERY light bedding and only one pillow per adult, and be in a large enough bed that there is a good amount of space between baby and either parent with baby in the middle, never on the outside (baby could fall off) or against a wall. Also I think a low wattage light should be kept on somewhere in the room, as well as a fan running to encourage air cirulation in the room. Co-sleeper beds and side-sleeper are also very good options, but not the only ones.

 

[dewey]

...As has been the fact that the death rate for cribs/side cars/bassinets is 4 times that of bed sharing with an adult, yet, still, having baby sleep in a crib/side car/bassinet is touted as the safest way for all babies to sleep? If not practicing bed sharing to save even 1 infant's life makes sense, how is touting sleeping in cribs, etc., which have a death rate 4x higher than bed sharing, make sense?

Agreeing that folks, in general, do seem to hear what they want to hear.

 

[ChickenfootDuckbutt]

I too, have never understood why, america is one of the ONLY nationalities where it is generally NOT acceptable to co-sleep, OR breastfeed, where it is generally shunned upon as if it's the worst taboo, where we are one of the ONLY nationalities where a womans breasts are only for sex, I mean, WHAT the heck is wrong with us?, are we that badly inbred that our brains are the size of peanuts, and we just dont know it?

growing up, I always, ALWAYS, yes even as a man, wanted to co-sleep, long before i knew what it really was, I wanted to co-sleep with my children, I used to love sleeping with my parents/grandparents, yet my mother was forever drilling it into my head that i should NOT co-sleep because "you shouldn't let your baby sleep with you", why?, because the doctors say so?, doctors will say anything that makes them sound smart, and makes them money, when they infact don't really KNOW the risks or anything.

brestfeeding?, the most natural thing on the PLANET, the thing we as a mammal were MEANT to do, forget about it, you mention breastfeeding your child, and you get looked at as if you've grown a second head, which has, in turn grown a third smaller head right off the left side of it, and that third smaller head has a third eye on the back of it!, my wife and I used to mention that our DD was breastfed just to see peoples reactions (she is breastfed btw) but it was always funny to see the "what the doodles?!", looks on peoples faces.

many people understand the supposed "risks" of co-sleeping, and alot of people do their re-search, we did LONG before DD was born. so it's also not fair to just assume that people who co-sleep just toss their babies into their beds, and walk across the room, run to the bed and take a flying leap onto it, smashing the baby with their careless, careless belly flop, that is not the case, DD had fallen out of the bed before, yes, twice in fact, but each time she was perfectly fine, and once infact she never woke up from it!, but how many kids have most likely flung themselves over the side of the crib?, or gotten their legs caught in the bars? probably several, but you never hear about it, because babies are meant to be in a cage, just like cute little monkeys

...

and as far as it being a case of "people only hearing what they WANT to hear", in this case, that is not the case at all, simply, it's not fair to say that you should NOT co-sleep or you're a horrible parent of dOOm, or if you do NOT use a bassinet or a side sleeper thinger, that you're an even bigger horrible parent of dOOm, that is destined to kill your baby, uhm, who put you on the planet?

I am actually quite glad, myself that there are so many breastfeeding/past breastfeeding mommas on here, and co-sleepers, god for you sirs!...ma'ams!

I do not want anyone, especially the OP or anyone thinking that my early morning insanity is mean to be hurtful, because it's not, just simply saying that when you have two sides of two different child rearing techniques, to say NOT to do something, because YOU wouldn't, doesn't exactly make sense