Poll!! Am I being unfairly mean??

[sparkles2307]

Lock her out for sure!

 

[Hollywood Chickens]

You are not being unfair
it was time for her to move out a long time ago.

 

[River Lizard]

IMO, sit them down and say this: if you wish to use our hot tub, please go look at three apartments, get pricing and come back with the paperwork and we'll sit down and discuss it.
1. They're living dirt cheap!
2. The cost of a 1 bedroom apartment will probably shock them
3. The cost of utilities and deposits will floor them both.
4. Add up those expenses and the cost of insurance, food, etc...

Now.....here's your choices:
1. Start paying $500.00 rent a month (still very cheap) to use the hot tub
OR
2. Continue paying $ 400.00 a month and don't even think about using the hot tub!

Then ask them which they'd like to do. Sometimes it takes tough-love to make some people see the reasons behind it.

My daughter is living in our other house for $50.00 more than our mortage payment on it. I sat her down and explained that she would NEVER find a house to rent at that price ever and that we are doing it because we love her and want her to get a chance to get some cash saved up to purchase her own house. We could have rented that house out for over a $1,000.00 a month but we decided to let our daughter rent it for a few years at 60% that cost. She knows that she's lucky to have such a deal (she's done her shopping on rental properties) and she's also lived in two other apartments in the past.
Don't feel at all bad about it, you asking her to help around the house shouldn't be an issue with them only paying $400.00 a month!! That's dirt cheap.....I can't remember the last time I only paid $400.00 a month for an apartment, it's got to be close to 20 years ago!

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

its time for them to get out. i have never understood the 'lets go live with the parents' thing - you arent doing them any favors at all. they will not understand the satisfaction/sacrifice that comes by standing on their own feet if you let them mooch off you. out out out

one my friend's dad asked him when he was going to get out after he graduated.. friend said he was in no rush. dad said then you owe rent, friend said ok how much

dad said:

more than you can afford

it was the best thing that ever happened to him. he got out, got his own job and now has a life he is proud to live. parents are proud of him too

 

[shawnkfl]

if they are old enough to get married and have kids, they're old enough to live on their own. boot 'em out and make them be responsible. give them three months to do so. if they fail to step up and act like adults should, double the rent.

 

[gabrielle1976]

Stick to youre guns youre not being mean at all , some people just seem to think that if they want something people are sapose to hand it over . I would tell her the next time she wants a dip in the hot tub (one time thing) make shure she cleans an entire room , bathroom kitchen and dishes whatever then she can use it that one time ect . Its not unfair its life .

 

[Emzyyy]

Your being nice enough just to let her stay there you shouldn't HAVE to give or do anything for her I would make her buy groceries, laundry, or dishes or something or tell her to get out.

 

[Chew593]

I was 21 when I asked my parents if I could move back home. Dad said "Sure, but first I want to know your plan. How long are you staying and how are you going to pay the rent?" No free rides... I'll always remember him saying that.
Time to teach your son to be a man. Men take care of and provide for their families. Time for that chickie to leave the nest, eh?

 

[Judy]

Where is your son in all this? Does he feel they are being fair to you? Is he also upset that you charge them to live there? Does he feel you are being paid enough, or that she is contributing enough? Does he want to stay indefinitely, or is there some planned end to this?

Sounds to me like the real problem here has nothing to do with the hot tub. You need to have a serious talk with your son, tell him how you feel and what you expect. And, yes, this should include a target date for them to find their own place. This will go nowhere but down.

Meanwhile, you said everyone helped with the hot tub but your DIL, indicating your son helped. Are you going to lock him out, too?

Sure, you have a right to lock her out of the hot tub. But it isn't going to help get this situation get resolved.

 

[birdnutz]

To be honest, she'd made a threat to my son that she was moving to another town. With or wthout him. To live with her aunt no less. Because she hates it here. We (including him) were hoping it would happen. He'd told her when she got a job that he'd move with her. The town is 50 miles from here. He works here as an apprentice electrician. She thinks it's too far to drive to get a job there. Of course he can drive it for his job. But they only have 1 car. She has a part time job as a cocktail waittress right now. But has been calling in sick because she has a tooth ache. Of course she went out drinking last night and is fishing right now. They've already lost a trailor they were renting because of her lazyness. She was working when they rented it,then was fired because every time the boss told her something she'd argue with her. Of course they lost it. No place to go except her aunts house. There is already 3 or 4 adults living in a tiny home. They were going to have to live in a converted garage.
My sons life is already miserable. She thrives on conflict and strife. He does what she wants just so she doesn't start screaming at him. As soon as he comes home from work he has total care of the 2 children. Because she just can't handle them anymore. She's been on drugs for bi-polar in the past. (At 14 she nocked her Mom down and started stomping on her.) Thats when she started therapy. But won't keep taking them. I don't think it's the right diagnosis. This girls never had a manic episode in her life. She had to go have her knee put back in. The physical theripist told her to excersize because her legs were so weak.
Getting a little long and off topic and long.My son helped us wire the house for the hot tub. When we said we were getting one she stated "And you think you're going to be able to get in?" I guess that started the whole thing.