Prayers for a homeless woman....*Update/ long RANT pg 3**

[scbatz33]

I know I know I know - a million times! I never give money. I usually buy a dinner or whatever. I have helped out folks before when I was driving over the road. And in truth, I have not given her a dime. We fed her, housed her and bought the starter. Not a great loss in the scheme of things.

Shared acres - been thinking that phrase all day long.

Frizzle - you're metaphor was brilliant and timely with all the rain we've had up here!

Claud - same here. See, I was told by her on day one the shelters were full. By day 3 the story was "i don't like shelters, thy have curfews and the food is bad" That's when I knew I was in trouble. Last night was the proverbial straw and camel! Like everything else she told me, it was only half truths if any truth at all. Heck it was wed. before I knew she had 3 kids and not 1!!

I know the kid's situation seems off. But I spoke at length with the "friend". She confirmed the same things I had been learning. Her story has no holes and holds true to what I experienced. I got a "weird" vibe from the "woman" - I just should have listened to it. However, this lady was straight shooting and I don't doubt what she has told me. As far as filing against the mother for abuse, I know the friend is working with the welfare people to get things right for her. She said she just doesn't want the child to get shoved into foster care. Plus if she rocks the boat too much too soon, the mother can take the kid any time. She told me she wants to get the ball rolling for the permanent custody but without setting off any bells.

The whole thing is one giant mess and the only one to blame for it is the woman I was trying to help.

 

[Southernbelle]

Is the friend a certified foster parent? Seems if she got certified through the state, child services could take custody of the girl from the mother and place her with the friend. Then, the mother would either have to clean up her act or have parental rights terminated AND the friend would get a monthly support check from the state and may get her disability checks diverted to her through the state. Suddenly the mother's cash would dry up...

 

[texaschickmama]

You are being too nice here. You did the right thing by helping out a fellow human being, BUT you have been used up and disrespected in your own home. You can only control your own actions, no one elses, SO send her on her way. You did your best, she is not going to change or even willing to change. If everyone caters to her and GIVES her everything why should she go out and try to get a job and do anything for herself. Sorry for the harsh words, just speaking from personal experience. Good luck. You hold your head up because you did your part by taking a stranger into your home, unfortunately, she is a user and a low life to treat her own children in this manner. She does not respect herself, she will never respect you or your house. Send her packing sooner than later before she steals your blind!!!

 

[Chickenmaven]

Quote:
I worked in a shelter. When you said you set her up in your garage/loft, I thought, "at least this person does not have access to their house." You made a mistake, here, my dear. Get over your hurt feelings about being disrespected & put some effort into figuring out how you have been stolen from (already). Credit card #s used? Long distance calls. Any missing checks? I am so sorry this has happened to you & I fear that your hurt feelings are the tip of the iceberg.

 

[hearthnsoul]

Your a good person for doing this for her. I do want to say this, I can only hope that your good deed does not come back to bite you.
My family has always had a special thing for the homeless, it was something my grandfather was very focused on. But he had his rules, surely through trial and error. He always had extra socks and coats available for them, I recall one guy actually came to our house to collect them along with his cans that we saved. My grandfather always gave a small sum of money. We ladies would say why not give them food, clearly some of them would head to the packy straight away. My grandfather would say who are you to judge, besides I gave the a sandwhich too... My grandparents would go to farmers markets and buy up alot of food and distribute.
As an adult I tried my own way, would allow people to stay with me until they got on their feet,..I finally learned that we all make choices, and yes indeed many people fall on hard times and need the boost up, but more make the same choices over and over and giving them a roof over their head, food in their bellies and transportation to job interviews would lead to me being very frustrated to the point of having to eventually asking them to leave and sure as shooting they would end up on someone elses doorstep doing the whole cycle over. I did this a few times before I came to understand my grandfathers rules.
The red flags you mentioned for me, so recognizable,..boyfriend in jail for drugs,..so that was a choice for her, whether it was to look the other way or be involved, says alot either way. Daughter living with someone else because of a choice she made...I could go on.
But let me just say God Bless you for being a good person, but realize if someone continually makes bad choices that lead to this lifestyle there is little you can do in the end to change that cycle, and hopefully not leave your family with some tough lessons for the effort. I hope your situation turns out positive.

 

[rancher hicks]

Well once again I didn't read all the posts cause I couldn't. I have been homeless. Unable to find a job and hungry. People see your living in a shelter and they assume your no good. Hopelessness is the worst feeling.
I'm glad you were there and sure it was a devine appointment. God Bless you with wisdom to handle this situation.

 

[scbatz33]

Sent her packing yesterday. Husband made it VERY clear that she'd best move on and forget she even met us. I feel much better about the whole thing now that she's gone...although I went to do laundry yesterday and my BRAND NEW bottle of detergent was EMPTY!!! 31 loads??? We don't own enough clothes to do 31 loads in 4 days!!!

OMG It's ridiculous. It's like her whole attitude was "you have so who cares if I waste it? You'll go get more" Like that stupid Doritos ad from years ago "Crunch all you want, we'll make more"

Anywho, Chickmaven, don't worry. I have unlimited long distance, I only have a bank/visa card - no checks. My balance is what it should be. Plus, I bank at a super small bank in NC they know who I am. All our personal info is kept in a small combination safe. And, quite frankly, the credit card companies wouldn't spit on me if I was on fire! If someone stole my identity, they could only improve on it!! Like my husband says, If you try to rob me, it better be cause you need practice, you can't get blood from this turnip!!

The only thing I was really worried about was her vandalizing my car since she knows where I park it for work. I parked closer to the building last night and all was fine. I realized, she doesn't have the motivation or wear-with-all to actually act out against me - that would require a monicrum of gumption.

Thanks again all for your kind words of support. I have paid my stupid tax for the year. I have prayed very hard for strength to not let this experience jade me and cause me to not being willing to help the next person who God puts in my path. I think I am most angry that this kind of person is the very reason why our society is so unwilling to help those who are needy. It leaves a very bad taste in your mouth.

 

[scbatz33]

Quote:
I have to tell you that I was very upset with having to make a choice about letting her stay - red flags and all. I was concerned I was allowing my indignation to turn to rage and then I would no longer be justified, but acting out. Ironically, as I was driving home Friday before the proverbial muck hit the fan, I had been listening to a show on the radio where a pastor of a church in D.C. was being interviewed. The question was posed to him that basically asked how do you deal with your parishioners when they don't seem to be following God's teachings even though you provide them with all the resources. His was response was "You have to realize that people will not always be who you know they can be. They have to want to be better." This is what I kept reminding myself each moment when I doubted I was doing the right thing by sending her away. She seems complacent in her situation and until that changes, I and no one else will be able to change her. I have prayed that God puts it on her heart to fix her life, but in the end only she can do it.

 

[scbatz33]

Rancher hicks, thank you. I have never been homeless, but my husband was. He has told me about having to eat out of dumpsters and what not just to get by. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish that all folks who have a hand reached out to them would take it and be grateful, but as I learned this week, there are those who will take a hand out but have no desire for a hand up.

 

[Phox01]

What hurts the most from this story is that there our truly needy people out there. Ones who just need a hand up to get on thier feet and they are willing to help themselves after.

After all this sad info I would like to share some happy if I may.

A club I belonged to "adopted " a family for Christmas , Mother < father and 3 young children.We took 4 large boxes of canned goods , cereal and such , then stopped at a store on the way and got fresh foo , milk , eggs , bread, fruits and veggies.When we got to the house , the yard was neat , no trash laying around. Inside was clean , no dirty clothes , no dirty dishes , kids were clean. We had also brought presents for everyone . The first thing the kids did was open the food boxes and start putting the food away , the cupboards were very empty, before they would touch the presents. The next year that family "adopted " another family. So there are people out there who do need help and will appreciate it and pass it on .

Just thought some good stuff would help offset all the bad.