Questions for Setter4 - Cremation - You MUST be respectful!!!

[setter4]

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We actually had less backlash from that than we expected. We made sure that all out funeral directors knew that they and/or their clients are welcome to come and tour our facility any time. The fact that my husbands family has owned the cemetery and vault comany for over 60 years means that most people in the industry here know us and know they can trust us.
We heard a few sick comments occasionally for a little while but not much and not for long.
That whole episode was such an awful exception to everything normal in our industry.

 

[Chicken Salad]

I really appreciate this thread being here and also a big thank you to setter4 for being so forthcoming and giving information.

When my son came home from Ft. Hood on block leave before deployment to SandLand, in addition to figuring out how I would manage his finances while he was away, we had to have "the conversation" about his final wishes (try sitting down with your 20-year old child for that - it's definitely something they don't tell you about in Lamaze class). It got me to thinking about how prepared my kids would be for MY demise and so I've tried to be more matter-of-fact about it here in my "later years." I've selected a mortician who will pick up my body, take it for cremation and return the cremains to my family. I've got a red folder that everyone is aware of that has all the information in it - even the bagpiper's name and number - as I would like to be piped into the Hereafter.

Two years ago I was especially appreciative that my mom had made all of her arrangements ahead of time and all we had to do at the event of her sudden and shocking death was to make a call.

My question is - setter4, where would you suggest folks turn for good information on this topic? Do you have some book or web site recommendations?

TIA.

 

[setter4]

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I think they do more green burials in England than we do here. I don't know of any in our area. I know there are a few in the country and I read about 1 where they bury you in a sheet and a wicker basket and plant a tree on top of you...sounds fine to me.
Most regular cemeteries will not allow it because the graves settle so much and also because the local funeral directors would have fits!They are already crying over the loss of revenue due to cremations.

 

[smom1976]

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Because the retort (the actual "oven" part of the crematory) is sealed when the door closes you usually get very little smell or smoke. The exception to this can be with very very heavy people.
When you get cremated remains back you should not get large pieces of bone in there. We have a "processor". It's like a great big food processor that we put all the remains in and they come out looking like clay kitty litter.

I dont think that I will look at my food processer the same again..

there were like 2 in pieces of bone fragments with my grandmother..

it would take up so much less space to creamate first then bury.. We will eventually run out of cemetary space..

 

[setter4]

Quote:
Your family will thank you for this some day! So many families are taken advantage of when they go to make arrangements at time of need. They feel that this is the last thing they can do for a loved one and they spend WAAAY more money than they should.
Prices vary so much that it's very hard to find a single source to give you information. There are some books about the industry but they tend to be the expose type and not really very helpful. Most of the websites I know of are related to specific vendors and so are not very unbiased.
Probably the best thing to do is to ask around , talk to friends, find a funeral home that people you know have used and have been happy with. Go in and talk to them. They will give you a general price list. At least here in Pa. every funeral home has to have a general price list available.
I'll ask Bill if he knows of any other good sources of info.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Thank you for answering all these questions. I think most of the ones I've thought of have already been asked. Would your family consider adding a green burial area to your cemetery?

As a side note, I just got together with a childhood friend. She told me that her father had passed away, which was sad; but then went on to tell me about the send off they did for him. They spread his ashes, from the air, over his favorite hunting area and later had a big beach party where they sent the cremains off in Viking style on a flaming raft. It made me smile, because it was something her dad would have loved, and it would have made him laugh.

 

[Bex]

My great Uncle passed away on October 13 and he was cremated. Everyone in the family had a really hard time doing it (well I didn't, I understand it, I want to be cremated to). Everyone said it was a "life lost". I think grave stones have made everyone rely on material items to remember a person.

Have you ever had a family not come get the ashes? What would you do with the remains then?

 

[setter4]

Quote:
Because the retort (the actual "oven" part of the crematory) is sealed when the door closes you usually get very little smell or smoke. The exception to this can be with very very heavy people.
When you get cremated remains back you should not get large pieces of bone in there. We have a "processor". It's like a great big food processor that we put all the remains in and they come out looking like clay kitty litter.

I dont think that I will look at my food processer the same again..

there were like 2 in pieces of bone fragments with my grandmother..

it would take up so much less space to creamate first then bury.. We will eventually run out of cemetary space..

In our cemetery we allow the burial of cremations on top of existing graves. You could have 2 cremations buried on top of another family member or on any regualr grave space. We also just this summer added a scattering garden in our cemetery for people who do not want to bury their loved one but also do not want an urn on the TV forever.

 

[smom1976]

that is an awsome system your implementing... really keeps the families bodies together.. and not sure about the scattering garden... I would hope there are lots and lots of plants to absorb all those ashes.. or wouldnt they just blow away.. like towards someones house???

 

[rileysgranny]

I have discussed being cremated with my family and most think it is fine. Others hate the idea for me. So, I guess I should go ahead and make the plans so that doesn't have to be done.

My Father, on the other hand, will not even discuss plans and he is 80 years old. I think he is in complete denial, even though we have buried other family members. He and my Mother have a burial plot already, next to other family members, so that part at least is taken care of.

My reasons for wanting to be cremated are that I don't want to take up space, I've always hated being cold and being buried in a box in the ground makes me feel that I would be cold constantly, and the cost is so much less. I hate the idea of people viewing my dead body, although I've attend many funerals where viewing was done. The discussions surrounding those viewings are distasteful to me. "Oh, he/she just doesn't look like themselves", "He/she looks so good!" etc. I just don't want to be the topic of that type of conversation.

One of the things that bothers me somewhat, and this is because I am into genealogy and have enjoyed finding the graves and head stones of my ancestors, is that there will not be a "place" for my remains. But, I know that, with the world population being what it is and what it will become, cremation and scattering is going to be the most practical.

Thank you for answering all of these questions. They are most helpful and contain info that I will relay to my family members.