Rant about DH...

[Frosty]

I don't tell the guy that I feel sorry for anything other than living with me

Me being the awful person who many years ago yelled at him for washing my car. The story behind that was first off he took my car from the parking lot while I was at work. My first thought was that he picked up the kids from daycare for a change (car seats were in my car). Then my car was back, and I was terrifired that there was an emergency with one of the kids. When I got off work and found that the kids were fine, still at daycare, and the car was washed... I know I shouldn't have but I blew up at him. At the time the kids were around 6 months and 2.5 years old, I was working, taking care of the family, the yard, the home... The man KNOWS that I love to wash and wax my car, I just didn't have time for it. I was mad because instead of washing it, I would have loved it if he gave me time to do it myself. If he would have fixed dinner for one night and watched the kids so that I could go outside and play for a few. I told him that I felt like hired help and was tired. We had that conversation many times and it would result in him helping out for maybe a week then things would go back to what they were before. Back then I thought he was just doing whatever it took to shut me up, but in hindsight I was the one that allowed it to go back to what it was, wasn't I?

A failure... I hear that from him sometimes. I just remind him of something great he did and tell him that I love him. And I guess I do... just depends what day you ask me.

 

[Momagain1]

I agree; I have NEVER told anyone suffering from depression (or anyone for that matter) that I feel sorry for them...
I say things to the same style "Man, that sucks" or "wow, life has dealt you a bad hand right now..but what can we do to fix it?" etc...

Unfortunately, mental illness is a silent disease that ppl dont acknowledge due to not seeing it physically on someone.

RE: your story; re: dinner table...

I have to do that with my eldest Brittany when she does come home...for a visit..
last time; I asked her to brown the ground beef..it was already thawed in the microwave..
I was cutting up the rest of dinner...ALL i asked her to do was brown it..

she was sitting at the table and asked me if I could get it from the microwave and put it in the pan..(Ummmm..
the microwave was ABOVE the stove..literally 2 ft lol..the pan was already on the stove..) so I wsnt sure if she
was having a bad depression episode or being lazy; either way I wasnt playing it..

so here it is; 6pm (which is past the norm. time we eat) and beef isnt cooked...
kids r coming in asking when dinner is; I Kept saying as soon as britt cooks the hamburger we'll eat...
she kept mumbling that she couldnt do it ...etc..

fast forward...we ate about 8 pm...and she did the meat...

<sigh> it was hard to NOT step in and do it as I was very hungry..but I did NOT want to enable her A: laziness or B: depressive mode...
she STILL has to function in society...

<still havent heard from her about her JOB and if she showed up on time etc..yesterday...>

 

[welsummerchicks]

I don't tell the guy that I feel sorry for anything other than living with me


Oh baloney, LOL! You're the one that's stickin' by his side, despite frustration and wondering what to do!

 

[ebwy2]

I always say that some days I have depression. other days, the depression has me. The former days are much better than the latter

 

[chickened]

I gotta ask, who doesn't suffer from depression at some time or another? the thing to do is get over it and don't dwell on the fact you are depressed. I mean everyone gets down in the dumps and then presto it is depression. Now before everyone gets itchy fingers here I have read most all posts except the very long ones just could not focus that long and there are exceptions to the rule always but it seems that we all think our depression is worse than someone else's and that can be depressing in and of itself. I Watched my son wrestle this year in the 8th grade and I was appalled at the behavior of kids that could not lose graciously. I heard parents talking and it sounded as if half the kids wrestling were diagnosed with some form of depression or mental illness as an excuse for the bad behavior. Depression is normal to some extent and by and large most people can deal with it if and I mean if they will put out the effort to do so.

 

[welsummerchicks]

I think you might be mistaking a temporary feeling of discouragement or defeat for depression.

Depression occurs on a kind of 'sliding scale'. On the one hand, people use the term very, very casually. They might say, 'I'm depressed', when they can't buy a car in the color they like, or when a relative passed away, or they don't get a job.

But these are temporary feelings that are due to life's ups and downs, and they invariably lift with time, just from doing some self-care like indulging in pleasurable activities or positive self talk.

Depression is a whole nother kettle of fish.

 

[chickened]

I suppose most would fit the first definition you listed. I am not convinced in my mind that depression is always incurable or as detrimental to ones survival. People live with conditions both physical and mentally handicapping and do well enough in society just look around and talk to people. People occasionally use their depression to withdraw from society or vice versa but it really doesn't matter if they cannot or will not attempt to fix the problem as I believe to really call yourself cured yhe cure must come from within. Some folks like and feed on the attention that their depression creates for them and unfortunately those that truly are depressed from a real physical reason do get thrown in with the rest. Too sad. I know folks that are always having a pity party and they say they are clinically depressed but yet when they go somewhere where it is not convenient for them to display their grief they actually have a good time and you would never know they had a problem at least that is what I have observed. Even lifes little problems can be back to back for some and therefore they never see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have an aunt that is that way.
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[Momagain1]

just because you are clinically depressed etc...
doesnt mean you dont have good/great days...

there are days when I am super happy and feel great..then after everyone leaves or I quit doing what it was I was doing...
my front fades...and it doesnt mean I'm BiPolar either...it just means I KNOW how to put a good face on..

and trust me...we learn how to do it fast...but sometimes..no matter what you do..you can't keep that face on for a longer period of time...

 

[chickened]

That is kind of my point. I had a bad tooth a while back it bothered me for about a year. I have all my teeth or did a year ago and it was very depressing to me to the point of despair to lose one.. I put up with it for over a year and finally I decided it had to go. Now one can say the depression I felt was not real or the same as other types but it was depressing. I finally did something about it and afterwards I began to realize how stupid I was to wait so long and endure the pain and depression. The same can be done with other forms of depression but if one chooses to wallow in their depression than not much is going to happen, not to say they do it intentionally but they are adults and can admit they are depressed then they are equally capable of at least putting forth some effort that is all I think anyone could ask or hope for. Not the best analogy.

 

[chickened]

I know some wonderful folks that happiness literally flows from them seemingly always. Almost jealous.
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