Reliving the KIDS issue

[SaltyMomma]

I didn't read this whole thread (sorry

) but I just wanted to tell you what my parents did...

At the last minute I decided that I didn't want to go to college (just wasn't a good fit for me at the time) and so my parents said I had to pay rent ($200/month - 14 yrs ago) to live at home. I already had a job so that wasn't a huge deal. I also did my own laundry, paid for my own food, etc. What I didn't know at the time was that my parents were saving what I paid them in rent to give back to me later for college/marriage/emergency/etc. I think I'll probably be doing something similar with my girls when the time comes.

 

[Britney]

I just hope that this girl isn't going through some form of depression. Her biological mother has issues and lost Sara's siblings. Not knowing if Sarah was close to the siblings and if she gets to see them or not or if she wants to see them or not is challenging. If you email me with the county and State that you are in I can see if I can find you a group home that takes girls up until they are 22 years old. They will help her find a job and put her in an apartment rent free. She has to follow rules. If she needs medication they can help her with that too.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Sara is a hard headed young lady - she wouldn't take medication. About the sibilings, she and her younger brother are close, because Ken raised them both. She is also close with her half sisters too. She has found her oldest brother and sees him quite often.

 

[Britney]

All that I can say is that she is very lucky to have you and her father. You said that in your posting that her mother loses her children when they turn 5 years old. All that that tells me is that when the children start school they tell on their mother for what ever is going on in her home. I am not sure how much time Sarah was exposed too with her biological mothers problems as well as how long Ken stayed in the marriage. We can chose our friends but we can not chose our family. Ken chose not to stay with this woman and left. And rightly so. However Sarah is another story. What state and what County are you in. I will look up some young adult residential homes in your area that are non profit organizations. I hope that you can work this out with her. Having a parent that tries to raise children while being a drug abuser affects the entire house hold as well family members in different ways. Once a person has the title drug abuser instilled in them it is very hard to lose that title for long after they stop using. A person can be drug free for years and still certain family members will hold a life long grudge for it.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Actually her mother doesn't lose them, she gives them away or the father takes them because of her abuse. 5 years old is when the government pay outs cut way back. Ken had Sara and Kenny from the time they were 3 and 4, so she didn't really see her mom all that much.

Sara is alot like my brother - his dad left him at a young age, and my brother still goes out of his way to hold a relationship with him, including moving several states away to be close to him. Sara is like that with her mother. The woman IS her mother, and no matter how awful of a person she is, Sara still wants that bond, and she may never get it.

Oh and I am in San Bernardino County, CA (the largest county in the nation)

 

[Britney]

http://www.co.san-bernardino.ca.us/dbh/ She can call this number to apply for free services. They will give her an appointment it is based on income. If she can't work they will help her. She needs to start here. I am having my supervisor look up residential for her. She has to make the calls not you or Ken

 

[Britney]

I sent you a PM. That place takes them until the age of 22 years old. I hope that they have openings. Let me know if they don't and I will see what else I can find.

 

[rufus]

OK, my two cents. Whatever you do, don't throw the kids out. Tough love is no love. Tough love has filled our prisons and set kids on the wrong track for the rest of their lives. I would see a nice clean cut kid come into the prison system, and within a year he would be covered with tattoos and have a drug habit.

You toss a kid away, and there is always someone there to use and abuse them.

Parents should be talking to their kids and planning their lives with them. To ignore the kid's future until they are eighteen and then abruptly throw them to the wolves is cruel and insane.

Too many parents simply do not want to deal with the problem. When a parent would say "Society has really failed my baby." I would think "Society did not conceive the child nor did it raise it without any morals."

When they would say "I can't do anything with him, let the state deal with him," I would wonder what have they been doing with this child for eighteen years?

People who create problems are those that should pay to correct those problems.

Parents of incarcerated minors should be paying child support to the state. I mean full support, not just some token. If they fall behind in the support payments, their pay checks should be garnisheed Also, the parents should be barred from receiving any form of welfare and food stamps until this debt is paid in full.

Rufus

 

[agnes_day]

i think that is painting a situation with a broad brush..some kids simply cannot be helped and its unfair to villainize the parents when they have tried to do their best.

 

[rufus]

You are entitled to your opinion. My feeling is "As the branch is bent, so grows the tree."

Rufus