- Dec 21, 2011
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Just in general if you want to be respected, you need to act in a respectable manner.
Rude Teenage DS
- Thread starter herfrds
- Start date
Quote:
I didn't say I didn't like them.
Sure sounded like it..
Well, I don't.
I enjoy driving a standard over an automatic, gives you something to do while driving.
I didn't say I didn't like them.
Sure sounded like it..
Well, I don't.
I enjoy driving a standard over an automatic, gives you something to do while driving.
Quote:
That is who I am, always have been. Maybe always will be, ya never know.
That is who I am, always have been. Maybe always will be, ya never know.
my kids have been taught from the day they spoke their first word how to talk to adults and if you decide to try the snotty routine the drill sgt will come out to play... (hubby is from a military family ).. hubby stands 6'4" so the boys look up to him till they are well into their teens... my oldest who is now almost 20 decided to get lippy with mommy a few years ago and he now knows what it feels like to be held 1" off the floor by his momma holding him by the chest... I do not tolerate rude kids I have pulled everything even their beds outta their room and left their room bare.... the law says clothes on their back, food in their tummy, and a roof over their head... no where does it say a bed, Xbox, dresser... they had to be earned back.. and child protective services laughed at my son and said good luck kid and walked out
FF>> a few years since the rough days with my oldest.... he is a healthy drug free (he is tested @ work) young man who will be 20 in a few weeks... holds a steady job working 40 hrs a week with his own health ins.. lives on his own with the live in G/F who is a doll.... so I guess the days of the hard a** parents paid off...
FF>> a few years since the rough days with my oldest.... he is a healthy drug free (he is tested @ work) young man who will be 20 in a few weeks... holds a steady job working 40 hrs a week with his own health ins.. lives on his own with the live in G/F who is a doll.... so I guess the days of the hard a** parents paid off...
- Oct 13, 2010
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In 12th grade, I would assume you go to HS full time and work at a paid job 15+ hours a week?
And that the car you drive you pay for with that job.
And that the car you drive you pay for with that job.
I work on a neighbours farm, so my hours depend a lot on the season. And yes, that money goes to savings, the chickens, gas...
- Aug 8, 2011
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Quote:
ok, let me see if I can explain it...
ok, let me see if I can explain it...
I'm a teen, and what makes me the most angry is my parents interfering in my life. I'm pretty independant, so leave me alone and we can be friends.
it's not their job to be your friend. they're supposed to be teaching you how to become an adult.
you're not an adult. if you were, you wouldn't be saying this:
it's not their job to be your friend. they're supposed to be teaching you how to become an adult.
you're not an adult. if you were, you wouldn't be saying this:
As soon as they try and force me to do something, its not gunna happen.
an adult would be saying, "of course, I live in your house, and you pay my way, so I'm willing to live by your rules, without making you fight me for it"
an adult would not be taking this attitude:
an adult would be saying, "of course, I live in your house, and you pay my way, so I'm willing to live by your rules, without making you fight me for it"
an adult would not be taking this attitude:
Start taking off my door and you might aswell have set an atomic bomb off in the living room.
because no mature person threatens to set off an atomic bomb in their parent's life, emotionally or otherwise. a mature person accomdates the reasonable requests of others. especially when those others are providing for all their food, care, housing, medical needs, and education. a mature person says, "thank you for totally supporting me, how can I help in return." not "don't tell me what to do and when to do it because if you do, I'm going to make you pay!"
because no mature person threatens to set off an atomic bomb in their parent's life, emotionally or otherwise. a mature person accomdates the reasonable requests of others. especially when those others are providing for all their food, care, housing, medical needs, and education. a mature person says, "thank you for totally supporting me, how can I help in return." not "don't tell me what to do and when to do it because if you do, I'm going to make you pay!"
Me and my parents have power struggles, as soon as they start putting restrictions down it gets worse.
yes, it's clear that you do.
however they have a legitimate right to set the rules as long as you live in their house and at their expense. you *should* honor that. that you don't says you have the "who's in charge here" situation backwards. you may set the rules now, but it's because they aren't up to the fight. that the situation exists where you can use your emotional atomic bomb to make them keep their distance is the sad part. you manipulate the situation because you're willing to torch the place (emotionally speaking) and they don't know how to deal with you about it. you use that to get what you want, to have it your way.
what's really sad is that particular set of rules will bring you lots of drama and not much success in life.
whatever your reasons for holding your parents at bay as you do, there will be a cost later. the ability to respect those who do for you, recognize their contribution and reciprocate, be gracious and accomodating to other's needs... that's what I'm not seeing.
babies have needs, the want what they want, they throw a fit if they don't get it. they have no self control and do not know about or respond to the needs of others.
adults have needs, they are able to balance those needs and wants against the needs and wants of others, and are able to set aside what they need and want to respond to what others need. particularly where there is an appreciation of the sacrifice others have made for them.
yes, it's clear that you do.
however they have a legitimate right to set the rules as long as you live in their house and at their expense. you *should* honor that. that you don't says you have the "who's in charge here" situation backwards. you may set the rules now, but it's because they aren't up to the fight. that the situation exists where you can use your emotional atomic bomb to make them keep their distance is the sad part. you manipulate the situation because you're willing to torch the place (emotionally speaking) and they don't know how to deal with you about it. you use that to get what you want, to have it your way.
what's really sad is that particular set of rules will bring you lots of drama and not much success in life.
whatever your reasons for holding your parents at bay as you do, there will be a cost later. the ability to respect those who do for you, recognize their contribution and reciprocate, be gracious and accomodating to other's needs... that's what I'm not seeing.
babies have needs, the want what they want, they throw a fit if they don't get it. they have no self control and do not know about or respond to the needs of others.
adults have needs, they are able to balance those needs and wants against the needs and wants of others, and are able to set aside what they need and want to respond to what others need. particularly where there is an appreciation of the sacrifice others have made for them.
Thats just me, but the less restrictions and rules you give me, the easier I am to live with.
that may be just how you are, at least right now. let's hope you can find a way to modify this some, because while that might be the world that will make you easy to live with, it's not likely to be the world you'll actually have to live in.
that may be just how you are, at least right now. let's hope you can find a way to modify this some, because while that might be the world that will make you easy to live with, it's not likely to be the world you'll actually have to live in.
And that doesn't mean I go out and drink every night just because I have my freedom and my parents don't ask questions.
well, why would they ask, at this point? I mean who wants an atomic bomb going off in their livingroom?
well, why would they ask, at this point? I mean who wants an atomic bomb going off in their livingroom?
I'll wash the dishes, do my chores and all that stuff as long as they don't ask me to do it.
that's a really big problem. that's rebelion at it's most classic. that level of knee jerk rebellion (where you refuse simply because you were ASKED) is generally called "has a problem with authority figures" and is a common thread in those who are in jail. not a good plan. you should rethink this.
that's a really big problem. that's rebelion at it's most classic. that level of knee jerk rebellion (where you refuse simply because you were ASKED) is generally called "has a problem with authority figures" and is a common thread in those who are in jail. not a good plan. you should rethink this.
And they know that now, so they give me my space. It works for us.
I'm sure they do. but I'm guessing it's not really working all that well for them. you might be content, but I'd bet big bucks they're not. because if they were, you wouldn't have to have screaming fights to maintain it.
so.
I don't expect you'll understand this, but you might. maybe you can take a look at this and understand it from your parents' eyes. and if you don't "get it", it'll be a failure of maturity and empathy, not brains. it'll be because you're operating as if you are a child, not an adult.
adults don't refuse to do things, especially things they would ordinarily do, simply because they're asked. sure it might be annoying, but to refuse? not mature.
adults don't set off the emotional A-bomb on people who are providing for their support and care. they comply with the rules, and take a willing attitude about it.
you might be in 12th grade, but you are acting as if you are in kindegarden. a temper tantrum when you don't get your way. *that* is what redhen said you're supposed to get. red, feel free to correct me if I've missed the mark.
I do understand a few things about you, I was full of rebellion too. I was smart and independent, a straight A student. I've always hated rules that are just for rule's sake and hated being told what to do. my parents weren't competent, and they were crazy, so I had a ton of good reasons to hold them at a distance. but I got out at 15 and supported myself. I didn't live in their house and tell them what to do or how I was going to live while under a roof they paid for.
your "A"s show you're smart and can learn. there are lots of things to learn that aren't in your books... some are right here in front of you.
I'm sure they do. but I'm guessing it's not really working all that well for them. you might be content, but I'd bet big bucks they're not. because if they were, you wouldn't have to have screaming fights to maintain it.
so.
I don't expect you'll understand this, but you might. maybe you can take a look at this and understand it from your parents' eyes. and if you don't "get it", it'll be a failure of maturity and empathy, not brains. it'll be because you're operating as if you are a child, not an adult.
adults don't refuse to do things, especially things they would ordinarily do, simply because they're asked. sure it might be annoying, but to refuse? not mature.
adults don't set off the emotional A-bomb on people who are providing for their support and care. they comply with the rules, and take a willing attitude about it.
you might be in 12th grade, but you are acting as if you are in kindegarden. a temper tantrum when you don't get your way. *that* is what redhen said you're supposed to get. red, feel free to correct me if I've missed the mark.
I do understand a few things about you, I was full of rebellion too. I was smart and independent, a straight A student. I've always hated rules that are just for rule's sake and hated being told what to do. my parents weren't competent, and they were crazy, so I had a ton of good reasons to hold them at a distance. but I got out at 15 and supported myself. I didn't live in their house and tell them what to do or how I was going to live while under a roof they paid for.
your "A"s show you're smart and can learn. there are lots of things to learn that aren't in your books... some are right here in front of you.
Last edited:
- Oct 13, 2010
- 1,789
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One of the best things that going to a boarding HS offered was everyone worked.
It did not matter if your parents were rich or poor, other than the harder jobs paid better and that could be applied to the school fees. We all had to work. These were jobs that had bosses, schedules and expectations. We worked 4 hours day, 5 or 6 days a week. Every week, some people had jobs that they had to stay and work 40+ hours on school vacations. I hear of very few school mates that do not work hard, no matter what their income level is-some spend extra time volunteering because they do not need the money anymore.
It is good that you are working at the neighbors farm and it might be hard work, but not the same as a real job with a real time clock and a real on your rear boss. I hope you read back through these posts in the next days and week and realize just what spoiled is and what it isn't. And how you might have a "few" things that you need to work on for the real world.
FYI, when you go off to college and think finally you can play your music as loud as I want, clean when I want and do what I want when I want....just wait til you have neighbors/dormmates/roommates. No one else will put up with as much as your parents! Loud music at midnight is more likely to get you a visit (and ticket) from the local police. Here, it is 10pm and we call (property manager) The kids that have no work history and are just moving out from mom or dads are the ones that have the worst time with this concept.
It did not matter if your parents were rich or poor, other than the harder jobs paid better and that could be applied to the school fees. We all had to work. These were jobs that had bosses, schedules and expectations. We worked 4 hours day, 5 or 6 days a week. Every week, some people had jobs that they had to stay and work 40+ hours on school vacations. I hear of very few school mates that do not work hard, no matter what their income level is-some spend extra time volunteering because they do not need the money anymore.
It is good that you are working at the neighbors farm and it might be hard work, but not the same as a real job with a real time clock and a real on your rear boss. I hope you read back through these posts in the next days and week and realize just what spoiled is and what it isn't. And how you might have a "few" things that you need to work on for the real world.
FYI, when you go off to college and think finally you can play your music as loud as I want, clean when I want and do what I want when I want....just wait til you have neighbors/dormmates/roommates. No one else will put up with as much as your parents! Loud music at midnight is more likely to get you a visit (and ticket) from the local police. Here, it is 10pm and we call (property manager) The kids that have no work history and are just moving out from mom or dads are the ones that have the worst time with this concept.
I understand what your saying, I really do. I know your right.
But its just not... me. It never has been.
But its just not... me. It never has been.
Quote:
Lord have mercy, I cried alot over them. Many days there are times when I regret having kids and heart ache does not end. Even now that they are grown and when they hurt you hurt. You want the best for them but they have their own ideas. For some reason no matter how well a life they have at home, seems they all think their parents are the worst. For some reason they see parents as the enemy and not the one who gives advice because we love them the most and have nothing to gain, except the joy of seeing them happy. Such is life.
I used to have a tag, "Every teenager should get out and make their way in the world while they still know everything".
"Every mother of teenagers knows why animals eat their young".
I wish you well,
Rancher
Lord have mercy, I cried alot over them. Many days there are times when I regret having kids and heart ache does not end. Even now that they are grown and when they hurt you hurt. You want the best for them but they have their own ideas. For some reason no matter how well a life they have at home, seems they all think their parents are the worst. For some reason they see parents as the enemy and not the one who gives advice because we love them the most and have nothing to gain, except the joy of seeing them happy. Such is life.
I used to have a tag, "Every teenager should get out and make their way in the world while they still know everything".
I wish you well,
Rancher
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