Rude Teenage DS

[MaryMouse]

Holly, I am so glad you listened to what mom had to say. I am glad you sat down and analyzed it. This is sooo important in the path of self discovery. You are not locked into a cast, you can change. And if you took that strong will you have and harness it toward a great goal, man you can really soar. Shoot for the stars. As I said before if you want respect, act respectfully. When people truly respect you because of your nobel actions, and not out of fear, it is a great feeling indeed.

 

[herfrds]

I'm glad you talked with your Mom Holly.
I was thinking of you last night and I will share this with you.

Life is too short to leave it with hard feelings and sharp words.
I lost my best friend back in 07. She and her sister were at odds when she passed suddenly so they never got their arguement settled.
She and her oldest daughter were also having some trouble similar to what you were saying. 2 strong willed people in the same house wasn't working.
I know her daughter regretted every sharp word she ever spoke to her Mom.

 

[ChicknThief]

Kudos to you Holly!! I was gearin up to give you a serious reality check as I was reading through the posts, but by the look of your last couple comments, I no longer deem it necessary

I will say this though. Please, please please take a good long look at your life. From the sounds of it, you are more blessed than you realize. Now before you go thinking "Aww great, another old lady telling me what's up", I am probably only 2-3 years older than you. And let me tell you, things could be SO much worse for you. I would know.

I raised my little brother and sister from the time I was 8 years old until I was thrown out at 18. To this day, my little brother still tells me that I am the best mom he has ever had. I have spent half my life clothing and feeding my younger siblings. I protected them from an abusive step father. More often than not by taking blows that were intended for them, not me. I was their safe-haven when nothing around us was safe. Looking back on the life I have lead, I can see that while all of the added responsibility took it's toll, it made me the understanding, patient person I have become. Don't get me wrong, I am not without my issues. This time last year I was Hell on Heels. But that stage of my life does not cancel out the hard lessons I learned in my earlier years.

My point is this: Don't view the responsibility your parents place on you as a burden. It really isn't. It is molding you into the young lady you will become. If your parents do snap at you and insist that you do something immediately, no questions asked... just do it. No questions. If you feel it is necessary, bring it up later and respectfully ask their reasoning in asking you in that manner. And you know what hun, whether or not they answer that question is their choice. Sometimes, what they say goes and that is as much explanation as you can expect.

As young people who have never had children, we can never fathom just how much parents sacrifice over the course of raising a child. But I would wager that it's enough to have automatically earned our unconditional and unquestioned respect and obedience. We, on the other hand, are owed no such thing. If you wished to be respected, then you must first demonstrate that you deserve it. Respect is earned, not forced. Did my mother deserve my utmost respect, probably not. But she had it for 19 years of my life anyways. The only reason she does not still have that same respect, is because she has become as much my child as my younger siblings were when I was young. Not to say that I don't still love her. I love her passionately. It's just that our roles have been reversed, and my respect for her has changed. Not disappeared, just changed.

Moral of the story Holly, unless your parents have put you through some unimagineable trauma, they DESERVE to be obeyed and respected without question, complaint, or tantrum. No more atomic bombs for you!

To the OP:

Glad to hear your son is straightening out! My older step brother was shipped out to live with his harda** grandfather by my dad when he started acting up like that. Spent two months in Arizona, and let me tell you he was a CHANGED MAN when he got back!

 

[Ducks and Banny hens]

I'm a teen, and what makes me the most angry is my parents interfering in my life. I'm pretty independant, so leave me alone and we can be friends.

Sorry, that's not the way it works. Parent 'interfere with your life' to protect you. You're not as independent as you think. And if your folks left you alone, how could 'you be friends'. It makes me so sad and angry to see so many, nay, an entire world-ful of teenagers having such pointless morals, and ideas that are just pathetically not-thought-through. It is not a matter of 'leave me alone', it's a matter of 'I'm blind. Help me'. You don't know everthing. You aren't even 'pretty' independent. And it's a pathetic story in the Oringinal Post, that a kid cursed at his dad for getting him up in the morning {oh no! that's so cruel! you can't actual wake up someone in the {gasp} morning!} To clear that up, that was tongue in cheek. You know, and this sound mean, but it would be nice to watch teens fall on there face while tring to be independent. They will.
Another thing I'd like to share, is that teens think that independence, etc. makes them mature. JUST THE OPPOSITE! As long as they carry that attitude, they will never be anywhere near mature.​

 

[guinea fowl galore]

I thought these may be appropriate

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
Anne Frank

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'Rourke

Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth. It is sad that so many parents don't realize what messages they are sending.
Virginia Satir

The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.
Jim Morrison

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
Oscar Wilde

Most children turn out badly because they have the wrong parental image. This doesn't mean their parents are criminal. It means they are boring and cruel.
Hedy Lamarr

To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others.
Pope John Paul II

Children do not owe their parents anything; for it is the parents fault that the children are here in the first place


How amusing.

 

[Fierlin1182]

Quote:
I've heard this one, in a book called "The family way".

 

[HollyBird24]

Quote:
Sorry, that's not the way it works. Parent 'interfere with your life' to protect you. You're not as independent as you think. And if your folks left you alone, how could 'you be friends'. It makes me so sad and angry to see so many, nay, an entire world-ful of teenagers having such pointless morals, and ideas that are just pathetically not-thought-through. It is not a matter of 'leave me alone', it's a matter of 'I'm blind. Help me'. You don't know everthing. You aren't even 'pretty' independent. And it's a pathetic story in the Oringinal Post, that a kid cursed at his dad for getting him up in the morning {oh no! that's so cruel! you can't actual wake up someone in the {gasp} morning!} To clear that up, that was tongue in cheek. You know, and this sound mean, but it would be nice to watch teens fall on there face while tring to be independent. They will.
Another thing I'd like to share, is that teens think that independence, etc. makes them mature. JUST THE OPPOSITE! As long as they carry that attitude, they will never be anywhere near mature.

I'm really fighting the urge to say "Just watch me"

So what the heck, there it is

 

[guinea fowl galore]

Hollybird,
I disagree with everyone else.
Making your children fear you is not earning their respect. Its the simple 'if you give love, you get love' concept.

As young people who have never had children, we can never fathom just how much parents sacrifice over the course of raising a child. But I would wager that it's enough to have automatically earned our unconditional and unquestioned respect and obedience.

No its not. The Parents were the ones that brought the child into this horrible world. it was their choice. What about if a child is born to a couple that abuses it. That child should not respect those people just because they feed it and clothe it.
Holly, you are going to do great in the big world. You have a mind of your own, you have your own opinions and views of the world. This comes from thinking for yourself and not being told what to do and when to do it. Those kinds of people are institutionalised and will get a job in the field that is normal, what they were told is a good thing to do. Its the thinkers like you that are very successful and make a lot of money. Any boss would kill to have someone like you working for them. People like you make businesses grow and flourish by bringing in new ideas and concepts. And remember, Don't EVER take any kind of employment advise from people that aren't successful themselves. Would you take cleaning advise from somebody with a dirty, messy house?!?! NO!

If you respect yourself then everybody else will respect you. This goes for parents AND children. But its hard for kids to respect themselves when parents are keeping them down.​

 

[newfoundland]

Not everyone Guinea Fowl Galore, I'm with you on this. I am a mother and grandmother, my eldest is nearly 40 years old. I have never raised my hand to my children and indeed neither has their father. We have brought them up with, I hope, respect and kindness. Our house rules were simple. 'Never do anything that hurts someone else.' They were encouraged to help around the house and they did. We never imposed severe restrictions on them, but we had rules. 'When you are 12, you can do this, provided you are sensible.' etc. We never expected them to touch our things and we never interferred with their things. We always respected them as separate people from ourselves, who were to be raised, and shown the right way, but not controlled and bullied! They knew, on the few occasions when the had overstepped the mark, by the withering looks! This was the only form of discipline ever used on us, and we employed the same tactics, very amicably and successfully I think. I am truly appalled that people physically hurt their children as a means of discipline, that in my opinion is outrageous! It is also well documented that violence begets violence, and society is not without it's problems in that respect. As for taking off bedroom doors, thereby denying children any privacy, I am speechless!

I respected my parents, as I did my husbands parents. I respected them for their courage and tenacity, the way they forged decent lives for themselves in a post was world. The way they denied themselves to give us a good start in life. Most of all however, I loved them for their gentleness and tenderness. For their unshakable ability to see the good in people. For their kindness to others, and not least for the wonderful feeling of security that their devotion gave us. We never doubted that our arrival, during the hardest of years, was the crowning glory of their lives.

 

[guinea fowl galore]

I didn't think i'd go there re. taking off children's doors. I'd be cooped up for sure

Holly's parents have probably have probably spent a lot of time and effort to help guide her through the process of becoming who she is. Then you guys to just come on here and, not thinking that she is acting in the idealistic way that you think children should act, start telling her that she is a failure and that her parents don't love her enough is just disgusting. and OVER A FORUM.
You told her she is self obsessed. News flash, It's called self worth. Not many things make me happier then seeing a young adult going out in the world with self confidence. Seeing a child/teen who truly believes in themselves now days is rare. So long as a child is not being neglected or abused (although some of you seem to think this is a-okay) then it is none of your business how their parents are choosing to bring them up. Remember that the next time you try to change a child, much less one you've never even met.