*Sigh* Week old baby and possibly a divorce. *Warning: RANT!!!*

[Bettacreek]

Can you say "whipped"? Poor guy.

Why can't the "whipped" men share some of that with the men that are total slobs? Lol. Even them all out a little bit...

Anyways, I just put an ad up for help around the house. I'll admit, I'm a good bit nervous about it, letting some random person into my home, but I'll be here when they're here, so, I guess we'll see how it goes.
At least I won't be so worried about keeping the house clean after I go back to work. Will give me a bit more time with the kids too. Would be nice if they'd help with cage cleanings, but I doubt I'll get that lucky, lol.

Anyone have any tips on what I should ask the people before "hiring" them?

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Nothing wrong with hiring someone to help you clean your house..i've done it before. AND..just for your info. theres also nothing wrong with a whipped guy! *dont be a hater*

as long as you both respect each other!...nothing wrong with a guy that loves you enough to put YOU first!..isnt that what marriage is about? putting each other first? i'd never accept anything less from my husband...never.. i figure if i'm gonna be tied down...he better make it worth my while.(or i'll make it MYSELF single).

.. i really think some women put up with too much crud from some types of men...and for what?? the stress? the paycheck?? not me... good luck Betta! Betta all i can tell you is....you know something BIG is wrong with your marriage....and i know you want to fix it....BUT, you know what? you BOTH have to fix it! AND also...you married him the way he is....why should he change now?? Do you see how that can confuse a person?? ...noone here can really help you sweetie! Only your hubby can! Also...if you have a problem with a guy that you call "whipped"...what exactly then DO you REALLY want from YOUR man?? i'm confused about your thread then!?... I'm so tired of women on here putting down men they call "whipped"....why?? whats wrong with a man that respects you? why do you feel the need to put him down?? to make him less than a man and call it "creepy".... i think its very rude....and i'm sure my husband would also! actually, if you really want the truth, i think its "creepy" how some women choose to live in a unhappy marriage and then call good men "whipped"! (sorry, betta, but its the truth!

) Betta, i have read your posts..you are a smart woman! you are NOT lazy..you WANT to work! Please understand, you dont have to EVER be unhappy..if your husband wont step up and be a man...you may have to find your OWN happiness sweetie!

 

[Bettacreek]

Lol. When I say "whipped", I literally mean it. They're the couples that you literally are expecting the woman to pull a whip out and beat the man if he doesn't do everything she demands. There's a difference between a whipped man and a gentleman who takes care of his wife and does what she needs/wants. If a woman is screaming and hollaring at a man, and he's basically grovelling at her to please her, then that's whipped, plain and simple. A man who helps his wife out is not whipped, but, well, her partner. Lol. I'm sure you're not demanding that your husband gets his arse into the kitchen and wash dishes, kiss your feet and LIKE it, then scream and hollar because he got in there in 10 seconds instead of 5, lol. THAT is whipped. This is exactly what the SIL acts like. If you honestly feel that this is how men are supposed to act, well, then that's how you feel. I personally think that there is a happy medium, where couples can act like PARTNERS and not have to scream, holler and demand, and not have to walk on eggshells.

 

[warmfuzzies]

There is nothign wrong with respect. MY DH has great respect for me. BUT he also has respect for himselff, and I have respect for him. I would NEVER tell him what to do, and he does not tell me what to do. We are polite.

WHIPPED men, are men that have no respect for themselves, and they also have no respect from their women. They cant truly respect their women, either, because they are scared of their anger.

I agree with you that women should not settle for men who do not respect them. I also say women should not settle for a man who has so little respect fot himself, that he will allow her to treat him like dirt. It is the mans fault, not the womans.

My opinion for what its worth! Now, back to your regularly schedualed programing!

 

[warmfuzzies]

We posted at the same time...

 

[redhen]

You both are right!..a true...sad.. 'Whipped man" is the same as a sad "Whipped women" that serves her man. Its the same!... i just wanted to clarify it..

 

[Bettacreek]

Lol. Exactly how I feel. Though, I shouldn't be talking, hubby doesn't have much respect for me, but at least I'm not afraid of him or anything, and, he has been trying (though taking it slowly, which I guess I have to accept until he gets used to it, then bump him up, lol). He has started to call me on breaks at work to talk, which is nice, though a little more time with me at home/going out would be great too... But, I guess, again, baby steps. Guess if I put up with it for this long, I can give him time to change, and at least this is better than nothing.

ETA: Lol, yeah, Redhen, I was thinking that, and you posted while I was still typing... But, eh, things are finally improving, though slowly.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Betta, if hes making an effort..dont dismiss it! thats the only advice i can give ya!

 

[warmfuzzies]

I am glad to hear it is getting better, Betta. It will take time, everyone can change, but we have to ba patient or they will give up. It sounds like he really wants to be the kind of husband you deserve, he just is not sure how. Men can be amazingly ignorant sometimes. It is not personal, they really are clueless. And that comes from my DH, he says that.

Good luck, and keep up the good work, you can do it!

 

[Chicken Fruit]

Nothing Good ever comes from trial separations, you're already only giving marriage a trial in the first place instead of committing to it, all that comes from trying a separation IS a separation.

He's not ready or willing to be a parent, or a husband, and you're not willing or ready to see him through to that point.

its frustraiting and its wrong of him. Men dont do this sort of thing. You should let him know that. Men dont put their children after themselves, its what children do. Call it what it is, and then move on.

You cant MAKE him want to be your husband, you cant MAKE him want to be a father. you can whine and moan and carry on and threaten and get nasty and get angry and do whatever else you can to push and shove and try to get him to preform, but its just not going to have the results that you're wanting.

you've got a few options.

Raise the kids yourself with him in the home on his own doing his own thing with no strings attached. He doesnt want to help he doesnt help, but he understands that you're aware that this is what children do, not men. not being nasty, not being a put down, just the truth. Men take care of their children and love their families. What he's doing is wrong, but he's got every right to do those things. he doesnt treat you like garbage in front of the kids, he doesnt lash out at the kids. Period. Thats a rule, if it happens you take those babies out of the house- or call the police to get him out of the house if needed. You dont but up with that sort of thing if he does it.

Raise the kids on your own separated from your husband and collect child support and let the courts work out custody.

Raise those kids together like a functional couple by spending your time on your face blowing snot bubbles in the carpet for your husband who is so incredibly deceived that he thinks he's right- and he's ruining his children in the process and hurting you during all of it.

I come from a line of people who have never separated and never divorced, not on either side as long as we can trace out history back, I've been married 6 years, my parents 27 years, my grandparents over 55, if theres one thing i have been taught its how to not just stick it out, but how to succeed as a pair. IT IS NOT EASY and it does NOT just happen because you're meant to be together- you can get that stupid idea out of your head. Marriage is work, the more work you do the easier the work gets until eventually you're just best friends with the same concept, plan, and direction.

I know its hard, my husband was a jackass the first two years of our marriage, and i almost left him numerous times. He was cruel when I was pregnant, and he stole from me every big moment in a woman's life. my proposal, my wedding, my first positive pregnancy test, and the birth of our son. But through God and prayer and a heaping load of endurance and patience and being brutally honest he's seen what he's done and while he cant fix it he can repent and apologize so we can move on.

You'll get what you want out of your marriage, if you want out of it thats what you'll get. You cant control his will in the situation, but you can let God deal with him. If God's not your cup of tea then you'll have to do your best with what the world has to offer in the form of therapy and counseling.

But for the love of those babies dont allow separation to come in and take away what can be their perfect family.

This is just an encouragement. You can see it through if you're committed to it.