Son keeps threatening suicide

[floridaquilter]

Sorry for the rant. I try to keep family matters private but I am hoping for some advise.
My son (25) lives with me, works 2 jobs, separated from his wife and has custody of his daughter on weekends. I know it has been rough for him. Over his eyeballs in bills and little fun. He was in love with his wife but she couldn't stand being by herself while he works 2 jobs so she found someone else to give her attention. Her new relationship went sour as well..my son talks with her on the phone several times a day and it usually ends up with one of them yelling.
My boy gets very depressed and threatens to kill himself. He gets depressed like this quite often. nearly every week. I am noticing he is happiest when he is working.
Yesterday as I was trying to get some sleep after midnight shift I receive a phone call from his ex. She says she received a message from him the night before saying he was going to hurt himself. She tried to call him and he wouldn't answer. She called his work and they said he was not there. so....I get dressed and run down to his work and found that he is in fact, WAS there. I did not go in to see him but knowing he was ok as long as his truck was parked there.
He comes home from work and cuts me eyes and ran past me..obviously his ex told him that she called me. He knew trouble was brewing.
I told him that we had to talk...
I am the typical worrisome mom...I go through all the basics of a lecture. How him ending his life affects so many. the price of funerals, everyone needs him,he is acting like a 15 yr old instead of a 25 yr old. everything that can be said I said. I told him how I wish I knew of the magical words to make everything all better and ended our conversation with a I love you so much and really need you!
He tells me he really needs to see a dr. I also have fears of depression meds. He is uninsured. although I am considering putting him on my medical insurance.
I have a vacation planned in the spring. I am hoping to take him up north to distract him from his problems.
I just had to write and see if anyone has any advice that I haven't thought of. I have little understanding of these moods of his. I feel as if he has it made. A long life to have some fun and get involved with something he is interested in. I told him that he should go to work with children with cancer to learn how to appreciate life. Both his grandmoms died of cancer and cried when they found out their prognosis. They wanted to live so bad and here I have a healthy 25 yr old that wants to call it quits..

 

[HeatherLynn]

Don't under estimate depression is all I can tell you. Many times its not a choice. The person wants to live when their head is clear but when everything is miss firing up there is gets a bit confusing and hard to control. If he really has depression he needs help. If he does not want to try regular meds see if he can find some of the natural supplements that can help so much. I am unable to take meds from my doctor for my issues and have found herbals and diet gave me relief. Honestly I would have preferred being able to take meds though. They seem to be so much more effective. If he says he needs to see a doctor then don't ignore that.

 

[chics in the sun]

I know you were well meaning and trying to protect him from himself and make him see how precious life is, but some of the comments may sound to him like you are minimizing how he is feeling and what he is going through. His wife had an affair, the marraige ended, and his family has fallen apart. At 25 he cannot see some of the things you see, especially if it is through a fog of depression. He needs someone to listen and validate how he is feeling about what he is going through. He also needs to stop speaking to the ex so frequently. It sounds toxic.
Get him to a doctor or mental health clinic. There are many low or no-cost community mental health centers. Best of luck, it is a very difficult thing to deal with.

 

[dawg53]

He needs professional help...NOW. He's already told you that!

 

[sheila3935]

as for the price of meds my daughter is on prozac for anxiety syndrome it helps beyond belief. She pays 4 dollars a month at walmart. He can go to a mental health clinic and most of the time they charge on sliding scale if no insurance. Your family doctor can prescribe these too. He really needs help coping with what is happening. My daughter was crying blowing up at nothing and then when her dad started having seizures it hit bad. When she told me should would be better off if she hadnt been born it was off to the doctor. She has been on them for 3 years and you would not believe the difference.

 

[joebryant]

Quote:
Right! There are free clinics/hospitals where he can go for help. Call your local mental health groups and tell them what you've written here.

 

[aukuma]

Get your son some professional help. Medication can and does help A LOT. I've been depressed for what seems like my entire life but I've discovered medication along with distancing myself from those "poison" people has helped. I am happier now than I have ever been.

He needs to make these decisions for himself. Once he has an epiphany and realizes he doesn't need other people to make him happy he'll be OK. Maybe he doesn't want to end his life, just the pain his ex is causing, tell him its OK to ignore her and let her go. Sometimes one just needs permission to make the right choices. If she hurts him she doesn't deserve him.

Good luck with your son.

 

[lacasitarojafarm]

You can't distract him from his problems. He's depressed. He needs to see a doctor. A threat to hurt oneself or other's is committable in most states. If someone calls 911 he will be taken to an ER and assessed for threat to self or others and if he is really a threat to himself he will be involuntarily committed for at least 8 days. That does not look good on custody paperwork should his ex decide to ever take him to court. *He* needs to seek help from a professional. If he is serious and he feels like he may harm himself he can go to any ER and be assessed. Otherwise many communities have mental health centers that charge low or sliding scale fees. He feels hopeless...a vacation, a gift, the gift of his child nothing will make him "feel better" until he gets some medication at the very least.

 

[alaskachick]

Does he have a faith that can offer him some hope?

 

[Judy]

Quote:
Right! There are free clinics/hospitals where he can go for help. Call your local mental health groups and tell them what you've written here.

Yup. He is telling you he needs help. And suicide could be the end result if things don't change for him. Tell a professional now -- and tell him you know he is very upset and sad.