soon to be 19 yr old DD just told me.........UPdate.......post1

[They Call Me Pete]

I've only read a few pages but here's what I would do. Have her and him carry around a 5lb bag of flour as the "baby" for a month. Not the real thing( don't know how you would do night feeding with a bag of flour) but they'll feel some of the commitment's it takes to raise a child. Oh yeah they did this in high school for a class. This makes me nervous having two girls myself. Good luck and I've read some great advice

 

[ebwy]

Quote:
They are 19

They probably are commited but, what about next week... that's the point. Im not going to argue anymore... don't feel Im making any ground.

I've known 19 year olds be committed to each other and 15 years later are still together and still in love (some couples with the wedding, some who quite rightly said they didn't need it). I've known 30 year olds who weren't mature enough and 3 years after their wedding are getting divorced.
we have no way of knowing what their relationship is like.
All anyone can do in this situation is hope for the first example to be true in this case and that they do know what they're doing.

and no, you aren't making any ground with me on this one - because neither of us knows the people in question well enough to be in a position to comment on them.

 

[dntd]

I had 3 kids by the time I was 20! I'm 28 and have been married for almost 10 years. I have been fine parenting my kids,never wished I waited to have kids 5 kids at 40 would have been way too much

 

[Msbear]

You're right, I don't know them. I only know statistics. If they are the fortunate few, good for them. If they're not, poor kid When you married the first guy, how old were you? Do you think you would make that same mistake again now that you are more mature and experienced? What if you had kids? how would that situation have effected them then and now? I know my brother and his ex-wife had kids really young. It was pretty bad Being a good parent takes every last bit of energy you have. If you aren't at that point in your life where you are ready for that, it can either be detrimental to the child or, like I've heard here, sometimes you grow up really fast and make due. You learn to be a great parent and never look back. But MOST of the time, that is not the case. STATISTICS

I think mom posted on here because she does know her daughter.. a lot better than you or I. And, it doesn't sound like she is too thrilled... do you think that is because her daughter is some super mature 19 yr. old with a super mature boyfriend who share this commitment to eachother like that of marriage and have a stable environment to offer and are ready to have a baby

Im sorry, OP but, I have a serious case of can't not have the last word. My hubby says I am sick

I need help

I appreciate the fact that you are wanting to deal with this and are searching for responsible ways of handling it. That is a good mom.

But, like everyone else has said, even if she does do it... it won't be the end of the world. You will have a new baby to love in your family. Hopefully, that isn't for a few more years though.

 

[hcammack]

I am very close in age to your daughter and I will say that I know I am certainly not ready to be a father. None of my friends are ready to be fathers or mothers! I don't think its possible but maybe it is. I can understand being a wonderful mother/ father at their age but choosing to do so I cannot understand espeacially in this economy.

Just my opinion though. I probably have nothing in common with your daughter so I don't know her situation or relationship.

 

[dieselgrl48]

Well if she's out on her own...My daughter got preg. at 16 had baby at 17 he will be 2 in Aug. and she still living home with baby.The dad does NOTHING to help support the baby.She work's but still a kid herself and neither have taken full responsiblity for Lil Man yet. We basicaly have him 24/7 so Basicaly guess We had a baby and didn't know We were pregnant.Love the little guy so much.Hoping the kid's can get their live's together and raise him like they should be doing on their own.Kid's at that age need to know by now how hard job's are to come by and supporting a child is even tougher.There are many babie's born that don't have grandparent's or relative's to look out for them so these young girl's need to think long and hard about having kid's when they aren't set with any stability in their own live's yet.Someone else is going to get the brunt of it and in many cases many un-cared babie's without food, diaper's, clothes or a place to live.WAIT A long time!My girls are 15 years apart because I had my first at a VERy young age and really hadn't planned on having another because it was extremely hard but now I have 2 grandsons 6 and 17 months from both but basicaly raising the youngest one.Go out and buy a nice car instead enjoy the free life for a while you can!

 

[hoppy]

my dh and i had been married for 6 yrs when we decided to start a family. the first thing my MIL said was "this is YOUR child and I"M not raising it" (basicly if you need a sitter, it won't be me) made an impact on me, and we rarely ever ask her to watch the kids.
maybe put it in those terms and she'll think twice with not having a built in sitter.

 

[PineappleMama]

^ That's what I was meaning when I said talk to PP... just that they're a good source for info on pregnancy, TEEN (and 19 is still a teen) pregnancy and it's added concerns, women's issues in general...

 

[ebwy]

Quote:
Not that my history has anything at all to do with the original subject, but since you asked... I was 22 when I got married, and the mistake I made wasn't to do with maturity at all. It was to do with incompatibility (his need to be absolutely in control of me wasn't compatible with my desire to have an opinion or thought of my own even down to which route I chose to walk to go to buy milk... this is something that only becomes apparent after living with him for several years). I did not have children with him, we made the decision not to have children yet because we weren't ready to be parents. (later found out it wasn't ever likely anyway, but that's beside the point) So your question about what if I had children with him is a moot point, because we had no intention of having any. And thanks, but I know what it takes to be a good parent. I also know that there comes a point when the person you raised has to make their own decisions and at that point all you can do is be there for them if it goes wrong and hope they know what they're doing. If they ask your opinion then you have to give it, but after they leave home you don't get to tell them what to do any more.

I'm not commenting on the people involved because as I keep saying, I DON'T KNOW THEM. But mothers aren't always right either - mine thought I should stay with the controlling ex and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell her about what life for me was like. Not knowing the people involved with this means I don't comment on them specifically. I was trying to show that not every 19 year old is the same, and that not everyone shares the same views on marriage. It may be essential to some as proof of commitment, others don't share that view and that's fine too.

You seem to have issues about me because I don't agree with you. Not every 19 year old is immature, not every 30 year old is mature. I have no intention of arguing this any further with you, because it seems you can't accept that I don't share your personal views. That's fine by me, I don't need to agree with everyone. So please stop trying to make me agree with you when it's obvious that we both believe our own views on this and aren't likely to be convinced by someone else on a chicken forum who doesn't know the first thing about us.

I see what you are saying, and respect your right to have that opinion, even though I disagree with it. Now we both know we don't agree on this subject, I think we should both stop going on about it - the OP doesn't need to see us pointlessly argue this one out.


as a side note - for the OP - I would be proud of the daughter I raised if she came to me to talk about plans rather than coming to tel me she was accidentally pregnant. I would also be proud that she knew she could come to me to talk about these things even if I didn't agree with her decisions.

 

[agnes_day]

Quote:

yes! someone who used this phrase correctly, instead of saying "mute point"