soon to be 19 yr old DD just told me.........UPdate.......post1

[suburbanminifarm]

I agree with the other posters; BYC'ers are smart folks.
It will ruin the course of her life--having a baby before the marriage and the house. If the boyfriend is not good enough to commit "till death do you part" with, then he is not the one to make the forever father and role model of her precious (future) baby.
BUT The larger issue is that she has no right to jump the gun and subject a child to being born out of a legal commitment -- it's not what is best for the (future) baby.
She is being selfish= thinking of her own impulsive desires before the needs of others. ( and I mean that in the nicest possible way; everyone is somewhat selfish at 19! I know I was! I'm sure she is a great and lovely person--please know I meant no offense)
I like the "buy her a puppy" idea!!!!!!!!!!! She can express her caretaking personality by caring for it.
And time for a long heart to heart with her Dad.

 

[herefordlovinglady]

I sure hope you show her this thread, a lot of smart women - young and old on here... But she is a teenager, they have life figured out -- right...

 

[hollyandty]

On the positive side..........................She didn't say "Mom I'm Pregnant!"
Please at least be grateful for that.

 

[scbatz33]

I believe the line is "back when I knew it all". If i had been so smart at 19 I would have never gotten involved, much less pregnant to the biggest jerk on the face of the earth. My children never would have had to suffer the knowledge that no matter what they do, it's never enough to impress their biodad into wanting to be involved with them. I have actually appologized to my children for my mistakes at 19. They are the ones who have suffered for my bad choices.

Nothing says it better than a Country song.....Thank you Troy Lee and Eddie!

At the ripe old age of nineteen
i bought a short bed pick up chicks machine
life ran on beer and gasoline
a half a lap ahead of the law
i had a fake i d that got me into "tuffies"
love was a word i used to get lucky
was a big time spender with that plastic money
back when i knew it all

Back when the world was flat and
mama and daddy didn't have a clue
that was back
back when a pitcher of beer and a
couple shots made me bulletproof
back when god was a name i used in vain
to get a point across when i got ticked off
Lord i'm learning so much more than
back when i knew it all

I found out credit cards don't mean you're rich
and beer and gasoline don't mix
yeah step side trucks can't jump a ditch
and those "big house" rooms sure are small
i've learned that love is a woman that will settle you down
a sunday sermon can turn life around
man i can't believe all the answers i've found
since, back when i knew it all

Back when the world was flat and
mama and daddy didn't have a clue
that was back
back when a pitcher of beer and a
couple shots made me bulletproof
back when god was a name i used in vain
to get a point across when i got ticked off
Lord i'm learning so much more than
back when i knew it all

I've done some growing up
and i'm still growing up
so i know i'll never be
as smart as i once was
that was back

Back when the world was flat and
mama and daddy didn't have a clue
that was back
back when a pitcher of beer and a
couple shots made me bulletproof
back when god was a name i used in vain
to get a point across when i got ticked off
lord i'm learning so much more than
back when i knew it all

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Quote:
She needs to really, really think this thing through. Yes, babies are great... when the timing is right! Does she have health insurance. If not, has she thought about how she is going to pay for the pregnancy and birth, not to mention all the pediatrician visits that come afterward? And those costs are just the tip of the iceberg. An iceberg that only gets bigger as the child ages!

My advice would be to have her read our comments. If she adamantly wants a baby to nurture tell her to get a puppy (they're enough work!)

 

[redhen]

If shes been with him for 2 years, and lived with him for a year..but yet, doesnt want to get married... but yet..she wants to have a baby with him..
there is a big problem somewhere .. sorry to say it.
Her way of thinking seems very immature to me..
Also... yes, i'd tell your DH... i believe that he deserves the right to know about this also. Plus... if it comes out later on that YOU knew..and didnt tell him... he may be very upset with you about that. I'd tell her father..

 

[Dar]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

Make a poll on here for anyone who had a child under the age of 21 and would they do it again - show her the results.......

I would be the odd ball and say... yes i would do it again... .I loved the fact that I was a young mom.. I remember what it was like to want to go to the hot party and the social drama of high school I feel I am closer to my kids then my mother was with my sister and I .. was it hard work?.. heck yes! but I look at it like this.. I worked my butt off when my kids were younger and yes I will ready to retire at 55. Without having to worry about my travel plans and what to do with a 16 yr old when I want to travel and start the golden years of my life. when I am 55 my youngest will be 18.

Talk to her.. if she is determined that she is ready and wont change her mind the best thing you can so is support her decision, If you try and coerce her into changing her mind it may alienate your daughter

I know I am going to get jumped on for this one but if either party does not want to marry.. why should that be a factor in anything? many many couples have raised happy healthy children and have never been married​

 

[debilorrah]

Chixie as a parent of young adults I am hugging you right now. Only your daughter and her boyfriend can make the final decision, and I am sure that is what is kicking you in your gut right now the most. Wouldn't it be nice of our children actually LISTENED to us and all our wisdom?

 

[PotterWatch]

I had my first at 22 (unplanned and didn't marry until after I was pregnant), and I still feel like that was very young. I am glad now that I had my kids fairly young but I probably would still have waited a few years if I had it to do over again.

 

[chixie]

I will suport her on her choice and I would love the baby no matter what. and it hurts knowing that she wants a baby so young. I know she loves her boyfriend. He gave her a promise ring for christmas. I would love for her to be married first. but it is not up to me. All I can do is talk to her and I will talk to her again when I see her on wed. Hopefully I can get thru to her. Thank you for all of the advice .It helps alot to have people to talk to about this