SOOOOOO stinkin mad at my daughter I could spit nails!

[Kelly G]

I didn't really grow up until my parents were fed up with my crap and told me they were DONE!

No more money.
No more cars.
No more $$ for school (I dropped out of college in my senior year because of a "career crisis" (read - my senior classes were hard)).
No more insurance (car or health).
No more free ride. Period.

And - THEY MEANT IT. They never sent me another dime. They said, "You're not an idiot, but you're behaving like one. Grow up. Or don't. It's your life."

This thing was the best thing they ever did for me. Ever. I am both grateful to them and sorry for what I put them through. I'm grateful

I got a job REAL quick...my friends who's apartment I was staying at could'nt afford to let me stay rent-free (though they did for the first month!) I figured out how to make a budget. And I FIGURED IT OUT.

Life is not "owed to you" as many of us thought (or still think - depending on where you are in your journey). Life it what you make of it. Some kids - like me - just won't stand up if someone else holds us up.

Good luck...I know this isn't easy.


eta: I went back and finished my degree (Music Education) and was later accepted into Juilliard....they have both my diploma and my letter from Juilliard framed in there house - 25 years later!

 

[debilorrah]

Kelly I am glad to read that!!! We told her today that 10/31 was her deadline and that all her stuff goes with her. She came home to vacuum and mop and left. I was at the grocery store the whole time. I think she is avoiding me. Probably a good move!!!

Ken and I both agree we are worried about her, and we both agree that 10/31 is the day. Period. Makes me sick to my stomach too. But we are sticking to it. And praying that she sees the light and straightens up and does what she needs to do.

Most of you that have read my posts, know my mind set. I don't put up with much BS and this has gone on WAY longer than I would have chosen it to.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Terrah you are ALOT like me, and my son turned out ok. I think you will be a GREAT mom. Being a mom comes with instincts that happen upon the day of conception. Never before.

By the way, the rest of the kids are my steps. But I have been more of mother to them than their own "mother" HANDS DOWN, so I claim the title.

 

[AngieChick]

Quote:
My sister in law was in the Peace Corps. It requires a degree and they are actually very choosy about who is accepted into the program (as they should be). So, she has a ways to go if she wants to consider that. AmeriCorps is a bit more flexible from what I understand.

Quote:
That's funny, most of the people I know who smoke it are professional types. They are recreational once in a blue moon smokers, not nonstop. But then, I kind of avoid the loser types so I'm sure there are plenty of those who smoke it, too.

But, whether it should be illegal or not is beside the point, it IS illegal. That girl had better not even think about smoking it in your house, it could have major legal repercussions for you.

It sounds like you guys have a plan, and 10/31 is a very reasonable deadline. It should be long enough for the pot to clear her system as long as she doesn't smoke it again (I think, anyway, I'm not sure). Her little pee shenanigans are ridiculous. How can anyone "forget" that they brought in someone else's pee? Silly girl.

 

[babylady4]

I said Peace Corps because it is the only program I know of where people are shipped over to other countries to give assistance. Just an example, that was all. If there is something else out there then all the better.

 

[SparksNV]

"Been there, done that" with dd #1 and she had her own daughter (my granddaughter whose father is not involved at all). No drugs/alcohol involved though. Made it clear that in order to live here she had to follow certain rules (I also have 2 much younger dd's) and she refused. She moved 2500 miles away to live with my family. Surprise, surprise she didn't last long there. Moved back west about 2 hrs from where I live. Made lots of poor decisions. Had her car repossessed. Was 1 week from being evicted several times - always managed to pull herself up. I offered to keep the granddaughter until she got on her feet but she was not welcomed to live in our house. Fast forward 2 yrs. She has kept a full time job for over 2 yrs, has moved into a very nice duplex, and is in school doing her prerequists for nursing. She has told me that what I did was the best thing that I could have done. She and I have a great relationship now.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done - to think about my daughter being homeless with my granddaughter (she refused to let me take care of her for a while). She never did become homeless though. I kept enabling her because of the grand dd however, eventually I realized (with the help of my dh) that I wasn't helping her just making her less able to cope with life. Many tears spent and worrying about safety. But it was the best thing I did for her - I know that in my deepest, deepest soul.

You are not alone. A resource you and your husband can use is Narcotics Anonymous - they have separate meetings for families. Maybe go to a few meetings. Do a written contract with your dd. Put everything in writing - including rent, chores, rules of house, goals, timelines, participation in a rehab or NA, and especially consequences. You, your dh, and dd sign the contract. That way there is NO miscommunication. "You didn't tell me that" "That's not what you said" - I've heard all of the excuses. IMO (which you didn't ask for) - your dd will do a bit better for a while but then she will go back to old habits. It will be just long enough for you/dh to "extend" the deadline because you will think she "was really trying for a while". However, remember YOU and DH also signed the contract - you also need to uphold the contract - there is no "part way". It's not uncomfortable enough for her to change.

But I do think you and your dh need to show a united front - otherwise she will manipulate one against the other.

I am sorry you are going through this...

 

[noodleroo]

Quote:
That was the first thing that popped out at me too.

Me too.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Terrah you are ALOT like me, and my son turned out ok. I think you will be a GREAT mom. Being a mom comes with instincts that happen upon the day of conception. Never before.

By the way, the rest of the kids are my steps. But I have been more of mother to them than their own "mother" HANDS DOWN, so I claim the title.

I'll have to disagree with you debi.. conception has nothing to do with being a parent..

 

[redhen]

Quote:
My sister in law was in the Peace Corps. It requires a degree and they are actually very choosy about who is accepted into the program (as they should be). So, she has a ways to go if she wants to consider that. AmeriCorps is a bit more flexible from what I understand.

Quote:
That's funny, most of the people I know who smoke it are professional types. They are recreational once in a blue moon smokers, not nonstop. But then, I kind of avoid the loser types so I'm sure there are plenty of those who smoke it, too.

But, whether it should be illegal or not is beside the point, it IS illegal. That girl had better not even think about smoking it in your house, it could have major legal repercussions for you.

It sounds like you guys have a plan, and 10/31 is a very reasonable deadline. It should be long enough for the pot to clear her system as long as she doesn't smoke it again (I think, anyway, I'm not sure). Her little pee shenanigans are ridiculous. How can anyone "forget" that they brought in someone else's pee? Silly girl.

For me.. its all about if you have kids or not...
If you're doing drugs and your a parent.. you ARE a big time scum bag... IMO.
Even if they are professional types or not.... its all the same to me.

If peole want to do drugs and whatever and they dont have kids?? I could really care less... thats their business..and their life... as long as they dont harm or steal from others to get their fix..

Just my opinion.. as usual..

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Terrah you are ALOT like me, and my son turned out ok. I think you will be a GREAT mom. Being a mom comes with instincts that happen upon the day of conception. Never before.

By the way, the rest of the kids are my steps. But I have been more of mother to them than their own "mother" HANDS DOWN, so I claim the title.

I'll have to disagree with you debi.. conception has nothing to do with being a parent..

I think you DO agree with me, silly. Sara is my step child. But I am her mother. Brandon is my only "natural" child.