I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while, i'm sick as a dog, and of course had to get on a plane with two preschoolers Monday night. The girls were perfect though. Roberta, Happy Birthday! I'm sorry for all the other things I've missed, so apologies -
I have been thinking over all the stuff we've shared with each other, and how helpful it all is. Carolyn, your thoughts about changing some people's scripts has been very helpful with the arguments my husband and I have. He had such a terrible example growing up, he doesn't really know how to say nice things. Suzanne you are always helpful. I love the idea of a outline person and I will try it when I have some time alone. I am also thinking about family and why does mine not like me, blah blah, same story - but thinking of what I am thankful for is much better. On this Thanksgiving Eve, what I am thankful for are my friends, my children, my animals and my chosen family.
I find it so wonderful that we have all managed to find refuge in chicken keeping and in each other's friendships. We all seem to have survived rather than enjoyed our childhood, we all have our own special tales of dysfunction to regale one another with. I personally find it so comforting to have your experiences and wisdom to benefit from. Perhaps we weren't all born with ideal families but we have made our own here, online and when we can, in the real world. We may have different opinions on things, chicken or otherwise, but when there is a crisis we all respond with open hearts, like Roberta's tragedy and the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.
I have been in therapy for years now, and I am still a work in progress. I do recommend some form of therapy if you are trying to work through stuff, it helps tremendously to have an outsider's opinion. What I have learned is that I will never change my family members, but I can change myself and the way I react to them. Easier thought than done! Happiness really is a choice though. You can choose to let your mother make you feel awful and insignificant, or you can choose to spend Thanksgiving in Florida, many, many miles away from her. Even if you are forced to spend the holiday with toxic people, just knowing that aren't crazy, they are, and that you have many friends who know what a good person you are should be a comfort to you.
My babysitter's mother once said this, and it was so perfect I keep thinking I'd like to put it on a throw pillow or something:
"He's a little bit crazy, but then again, aren't we all?"
We are all of us imperfect, that is what makes us human, it is in the striving to be better, kinder, wiser that we define who we truly are. I am blessed to know all of you and your multitude of gifts and kindnesses. May all of us have a peaceful after-holiday. Perhaps there should be a post-holiday left-over swap or something. Or just sit around and trade yarns of both sorts.
Much love,
Heather
