stupid assumptions people make about others

[Mraya]

I know I should give him the benefit of the doubt, but it still just eats at me that he didn’t go.

My father passed away last year I did not go to his funeral. My parents live in a different country. He was 83 and I hadn't seen him in over 10 yrs. If I could have I would have gone for a visit when he was alive.

 

[oldrooster]

My father had 8 brothers and sisters 20 nieces and nephews and many many great and great great nieces and nephews none came to his funeral, bone sent a card or even called. All because my mother didn't want him to have anything to do with his family and she would not allow us kids to have much contact with them. Why? because we were only related to her family. I was always treated like dirt because I look like him, we were only supposed to look like her family. it's okay for my mom's brother's and sister's kids to look like their spouse's family but not me and I am the spawn of Satan because of it.

 

[Mraya]

My father had 8 brothers and sisters 20 nieces and nephews and many many great and great great nieces and nephews none came to his funeral, bone sent a card or even called. All because my mother didn't want him to have anything to do with his family and she would not allow us kids to have much contact with them. Why? because we were only related to her family. I was always treated like dirt because I look like him, we were only supposed to look like her family. it's okay for my mom's brother's and sister's kids to look like their spouse's family but not me and I am the spawn of Satan because of it.

If your mother didn't want your father to have anything to do with his siblings are you sure they even know that he has passed?

Or
Maybe to keep the peace in the family, they thought that when you kids got older you might want to seek them out?

There are three sides to every story, yours, theirs and the truth.

This is just my 2 cents

They missed out on knowing a great person.

 

[oldrooster]

I reached out to let them know one sibling told me the hunting trip she was going on was too important too miss, 3 others didn't want to spend the money to get here and the others made other lame excuses as well..... I have tried to reach out over the years, but most of the time I get the brush off because my cousins have kids some older than me and they don't have anything in common to me they tell me and don't have the time to talk text or email, the aunts and uncles died without any notifications for months I even got letters returned in the mail with return to sender on them because they never let me know they passed. so i have given up on them.

 

[Mraya]

I reached out to let them know one sibling told me the hunting trip she was going on was too important too miss, 3 others didn't want to spend the money to get here and the others made other lame excuses as well..... I have tried to reach out over the years, but most of the time I get the brush off because my cousins have kids some older than me and they don't have anything in common to me they tell me and don't have the time to talk text or email, the aunts and uncles died without any notifications for months I even got letters returned in the mail with return to sender on them because they never let me know they passed. so i have given up on them.

You tried....their loss

Like I said family are just people related to you it does not make them your friend
But I would like to add that your friends can become your family and you get to choose them.

 

[User395221]

.She got thyroid cancer and couldn't control her weight any longer, .

I will never forget the time when I was in primary school and a (temporary) teacher berated a girl in my class as "naughty" for not brushing her teeth. She had yellow teeth because of medicine she took for her cystic fibrosis. It was a long time ago. I'll never forget her (she died when she was 11, CF sufferers had a shorter life expectancy back then) and I'll never forget that stupid, stupid, stupid woman and her idiotic remark.
We all make assumptions, the trick is to keep your trap shut and not express them when we aren't asked and for some stupidity, even when asked.
I worked with another woman who decided that a co-worker's name was a "boy's name" so she deliberately mispronounced it in a way she found acceptable. It was just so rude.
My peeve isn't serious in the scheme of intolerant judgments, but for some reason when you get to a certain age, you are a "mrs", regardless of your marital status or the fact that you've NEVER stuck "mrs" on the front of your name or ticked that box on the form. I have no idea why.

 

[oldrooster]

Part of my earlier post I said my mom's family is cruel to me and i don't have anything to do with them is because her dad was an uneducated racist and my mom named me after him and I refuse to use his name because of the way the family treated me and the fact of his hatred of anyone who is non white and not American and he had a very unusual name, in fact I find it odd that of the 10 male grandchildren older than me were not named after him it is "disrespectful" that i don;t use it I'm like you all were more disrespectful 10 times over for not using it before i was born and it's not disrespectful to call him uneducated. someone quitting school after flunking the 8th grade 2 times is uneducated and his dad was on the school board so he had to be stupid to fail 2x when the teacher risked her job to flunk him. he almost lost his farm because he didn'y know he had to pay back the principle on his mortgage and not just the interest. yea, I'm supposed to be proud over being named after a stupid ignorant racist with an unusual name that all thru school and anytime I have to use my first name the first 2 things I hear is how is it spelled/pronounced (depending on if it's written or I have to state it) and I never heard that name before.....

 

[Sunshine Flock]

Part of my earlier post I said my mom's family is cruel to me and i don't have anything to do with them is because her dad was an uneducated racist and my mom named me after him and I refuse to use his name because of the way the family treated me and the fact of his hatred of anyone who is non white and not American and he had a very unusual name, in fact I find it odd that of the 10 male grandchildren older than me were not named after him it is "disrespectful" that i don;t use it I'm like you all were more disrespectful 10 times over for not using it before i was born and it's not disrespectful to call him uneducated. someone quitting school after flunking the 8th grade 2 times is uneducated and his dad was on the school board so he had to be stupid to fail 2x when the teacher risked her job to flunk him. he almost lost his farm because he didn'y know he had to pay back the principle on his mortgage and not just the interest. yea, I'm supposed to be proud over being named after a stupid ignorant racist with an unusual name that all thru school and anytime I have to use my first name the first 2 things I hear is how is it spelled/pronounced (depending on if it's written or I have to state it) and I never heard that name before.....

I legally changed my last name to a beautiful old name on my mom's side of the family. I never felt even an ounce of connection to my birth name or my dad's side of the family. It hurt my parents when I did this, and I did feel rather sad about it. But the name I created for myself just felt incredibly right.

My husband got angry when I said I wanted to keep my name when we married. I sat at the courthouse writing my old name and new name over and over again, and to do this day I mourn its loss.

And now he and his family are sad and disappointed because I stopped using my married name a year after we married. I can't afford to change it legally, but on everything I use the name that makes me feel proud and happy. I can appreciate their hurt and how it must feel to receive emails from someone who refuses to use their son's name.

I wish I could find peace in using his name, but I can't, nor will I ever.

 

[Brahma Chicken5000]

I legally changed my last name to a beautiful old name on my mom's side of the family. I never felt even an ounce of connection to my birth name or my dad's side of the family. It hurt my parents when I did this, and I did feel rather sad about it. But the name I created for myself just felt incredibly right.

My husband got angry when I said I wanted to keep my name when we married. I sat at the courthouse writing my old name and new name over and over again, and to do this day I mourn its loss.

And now he and his family are sad and disappointed because I stopped using my married name a year after we married. I can't afford to change it legally, but on everything I use the name that makes me feel proud and happy. I can appreciate their hurt and how it must feel to receive emails from someone who refuses to use their son's name.

I wish I could find peace in using his name, but I can't, nor will I ever

Here’s just a small thought. Maybe you could add a hyphen between your maiden name and your husband’s family name? Like Smith-Johnson for example. Ultimately the choice is up to you and what makes you happy.
I used to despise my last name because I was bullied because it since it sounded like “weasel”. But once I started reading Holocaust literature and learned about my family’s roots I embraced my last name. I wouldn’t give up my last name for anything. When people call me weasel I don’t let it bother me, I just let it slide off, like water off a duck’s back.
My last name means “weasel” in Hungarian. It’s considered a prestigious last name as weasels are known for their knack of getting into chicken coops. What are the odds?

 

[Sunshine Flock]

Here’s just a small thought. Maybe you could add a hyphen between your maiden name and your husband’s family name? Like Smith-Johnson for example. Ultimately the choice is up to you and what makes you happy.
I used to despise my last name because I was bullied because it since it sounded like “weasel”. But once I started reading Holocaust literature and learned about my family’s roots I embraced my last name. I wouldn’t give up my last name for anything. When people call me weasel I don’t let it bother me, I just let it slide off, like water off a duck’s back.
My last name means “weasel” in Hungarian. It’s considered a prestigious last name as weasels are known for their knack of getting into chicken coops. What are the odds?

Ha! I love family history like that. Good for you for researching your last name.