Texas

[electrycmonk]

I wish I had a good and healthy circadian rhythm. That left me years ago after Iraq. Good luck on fixing yours @electrycmonk between dogs, chicken, fireworks and alcohol it is not allowed in this house for me. I know you do not agree with alcohol consumption but my body seems to do better with it, and my brain understands your sentiments precisely. It helps the broken parts of my body feel better and the VA does not treat those. They just offer me a crudload of antipsychotics as if I need 10 pound bags of those most are processed by the liver too.

Almost fell asleep twice since then....
I'm not a tea totaled, or whatever the new term is for a dry house.... We have adult beverages in the house. Prior to covid my annual adult beverages in a given year was ~a 6-pack in volume... If it got the family schedule. I think in the last 2 years I may of had 3-4 "beers" total in volume??? Regarding the self soothing with alcohol, Relax, I'm not going to harp. It's been proven long, long ago that it's not productive or even helpful. The only line in the sand I'll draw is the time between opening a bottle and picking up the keys..... I've lost too many to drunk driving in the last 30+ years. Two shipmates while active duty were the most horrific...they were returning from her parents Sunday night after dinner when he asked their permission to marry their daughter..... They got permission but, never made it back to base that night. A 3rd time DUI did an about face on i-95 and went south bound in the north bound hammer lane..... (Deep sigh)

Doing your best is all I can ask of you that all anyone can ask of you... Or anyone else for that matter.... I hope that clears the air Allen & eases any tension still in your shoulders. A sizable part of my PTSD is avoiding conflict. I hope to fall back asleep now....

 

[AllenK RGV]

Naw, no mellows around. Yep, can't explain it to anyone....unless you were there and had experienced similar things....this time it was particularly frightening due to the lucidity of the dream. Adrenaline kicked way-in, heartbeat over 200+

So sorry to hear it brother. I wish I had been your nurse. I would have made you whole. My time came a bit later.

 

[007Sean]

So sorry to hear it brother. I wish I had been your nurse. I would have made you whole.

When I came back and after my lengthy stay in several VA hospitals....I went through several purification ceremonies, sweats...I still do when I get a chance to 'return home'. no matter how many times I go through them...the 'ghosts' are still here...I just deal with it the best way I know how...try and stay grounded and 'go within' to keep sane.

 

[007Sean]

I work nights, not by choice but due to the requirements of the company I have a contract with....so most of the time I sleep during the day. I'm taking some much need absence from that contract right now....so I'm sleeping at night, instead of the day.
Day time sleep dreams aren't as bad as night time dreams for some reason, (fitful dreams) I don't understand why or the reason for it ...just the way it has been. So, I'll force myself to stay awake until morning and then take a nap!

 

[Matejka]

Why is it-sometimes we dream and KNOW we dreamed and can't remember squat? And sometimes we dream-and remember it?
Then there's the dreams that we not only remember every move and detail?
There are a few dreams I remember that I dreamed 15+ years ago, that I still remember every detail of.
Thank you both for going thru hell to keep me and mine safe.

 

[AllenK RGV]

Why is it-sometimes we dream and KNOW we dreamed and can't remember squat? And sometimes we dream-and remember it?
Then there's the dreams that we not only remember every move and detail?
There are a few dreams I remember that I dreamed 15+ years ago, that I still remember every detail of.
Thank you both for going thru hell to keep me and mine safe.

To be honestest we didn't do squat to keep you safe. We just followed orders. I am sorry @Matejka that was my reality. For sure we would have preferred keeping you safe as an option. At least that is my story.

 

[Matejka]

You were military. That is enough! Anyone who is or was active military, conflict/war/draft/freely enlisted has my highest respect.
The discipline, duty, training is grueling. Even if you were never in any kind of conflict, you endured more than anyone can imagine. Being separated from family, loved ones, without a chance to hug talk to them. Cold meals, wet nasty weather, cold wet beds etc.....
Again, THANK YOU!

 

[AllenK RGV]

You were military. That is enough! Anyone who is or was active military, conflict/war/draft/freely enlisted has my highest respect.
The discipline, duty, training is grueling. Even if you were never in any kind of conflict, you endured more than anyone can imagine. Being separated from family, loved ones, without a chance to hug talk to them. Cold meals, wet nasty weather, cold wet beds etc.....
Again, THANK YOU!

You forgot the excessive heat part of the middle east but close enough for me. Nothing like trying to shave your face in 40 degree weather either. You just still have to do it. My little lighter thermometer toped the scale at 50C and was stuck there most days in Baghdad. You can not imagine the stench from removing your own body armor there. I still am impressed that they took it back to recycle to another soldier after we put it in the dishwasher.

 

[electrycmonk]

@007Sean & @AllenK RGV I obviously missed y'all dream posts in the middle of the night posting.... I do know of the territory y'all wander thru lucidly and not so lucidly. I've gotten alot of help from the group VA counseling & solo stuff via VA here.... Well, up until the end of February when all paused. I've just got solo to start back up tentatively & we will see what boxes we get to open.... I miss the group stuff big-time. A little over a year ago I had reality pour ice water over me and I've not been able to fully process it thru yet, although I have been able to at least a couple times, acknowledge it when it's reared its head instead of *ignoring it* so that way it doesn't fester and make a large mess in my reality. Even thought I don't know yet what I'm gonna do about *it* - it has stayed "in its box" on my mental bookshelf since February.... The active duty stuff has been the same way but, has had decades free reign in my dreamscapes.... So I do what can to shake off the ugliness when I wake up- as fast as possible.... I don't get to my Zen spots as often as I wish.....(heavy sigh)

Okay. In other news, the storms have been rolling over us for several hours now and a break looks to be about 2hrs and counting.... Then it's to pick back up around 4Pm.... My word the gusts are eire sounding right now.

 

[AllenK RGV]

@007Sean & @AllenK RGV I obviously missed y'all dream posts in the middle of the night posting.... I do know of the territory y'all wander thru lucidly and not so lucidly. I've gotten alot of help from the group VA counseling & solo stuff via VA here.... Well, up until the end of February when all paused. I've just got solo to start back up tentatively & we will see what boxes we get to open.... I miss the group stuff big-time. A little over a year ago I had reality pour ice water over me and I've not been able to fully process it thru yet, although I have been able to at least a couple times, acknowledge it when it's reared its head instead of *ignoring it* so that way it doesn't fester and make a large mess in my reality. Even thought I don't know yet what I'm gonna do about *it* - it has stayed "in its box" on my mental bookshelf since February.... The active duty stuff has been the same way but, has had decades free reign in my dreamscapes.... So I do what can to shake off the ugliness when I wake up- as fast as possible.... I don't get to my Zen spots as often as I wish.....(heavy sigh)

Okay. In other news, the storms have been rolling over us for several hours now and a break looks to be about 2hrs and counting.... Then it's to pick back up around 4Pm.... My word the gusts are eire sounding right now.

Yes it does suck not being able to get to the VA like normal. I wish you the best. We still got chicken at least so are a leg up on most vets.