"That's just how they are..."

[easttxchick]

Quote:

You are absolutely right, True Grit. Come to think of it, I'm feeling pretty darn good about myself right now.

 

[sourland]

"Dinner's at 5, sorry you all couldn't make it." Have a good time with your sister and friends!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I guess that they usually have Christmas dinner at a differnt time? And that that is what they are used to and expected/anticipated? No problem with that; however, when they did not choose to host the dinner, they lost the right to set the schedule, menu, guest list and just about any sort of decision other than whether to come or not.

Frankly, though, MIL inviting people to your home for the Christmas get together, and THEN telling you about it is what would really made me angry. It would be one thing to ask if you would like to host, or even to suggest that it is your turn... BUT, it is an entirely different matter when " my MIL told the rest of the family that I wanted to have Christmas day here at my house(totally false) and so it was planned that we would have the Christmas day meal here."

It sounds like you are still grieving your father, and now are grieving your brother-in-law. Telling you that you are hosting was outrageous; then telling you exactly HOW to host is beyond the pale. I was going to say "call your mother-in-law and tell her to get her family under control," but then I started thinking. Your husband needs to do that. HE needs to call his mother, and express outrage at his family' behavior, and that if they are going to be so disrespectful to his wife, that they can celebrate elsewhere at whatever time they choose, with whomever they choose. You need to tell DH that it is his responsibility to stand up for you. That that is part of being a MAN and not a boy. Saying "that's just how they are" doesn't cut it.

 

[TigerLilly]

Quote:
That about sums up what I was going to say. I can't believe your MIL would throw you under the bus as far as telling everyone else that you WANTED to host dinner.
I agree with everyone else--"dinner's at 5, sorry you cant make it..."

 

[zippitydooda]

Quote:

X1000

 

[Mattemma]

I hope you have a super nice time with your sister. Dh's family does not sound very nice. Almost like you became the catering service for their holiday bash. I don't think I would want that family vibe(and friends) in my home. I do hope this will not cause issues for you and dh. We learned a bit late to not allow family relations to cause US problems.

 

[Sjisty]

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your sister - oh, and anybody else who just happens to come at 5 p.m.!

 

[MeatKing]

Your mil sounds loke a psyco for doing that, and sil too.

Dinner at 5 sounds great!

 

[Rozzie]

"Hey, sorry you can't be here. If you'd like to stop by later, you can have a turkey sandwich and we can visit while we clean up from dinner!"

Bet she runs like the wind...

Sounds like she just wanted someone else to do the work of making a big dinner (and maybe let someone else pay for it...)

(And, your MIL? I'm thinking salt in her coffee...)

 

[easttxchick]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support.
This time/place changing thing at the holidays is just par for the course with them-happens EVERY holiday(I am not exaggerating). We were told Thanksgiving at his sister's house would be at 11am(to accommodate their schedule) so I BUSTED it cooking the night/morning before. We get there, NOONE else was there and we ended up eating at 2. This is what my DH means when he says, "This is just how they are." He just doesn't want to deal with them-every phone call/visit with them ends up with him telling them to get their noses out of our(insert variety pack of curse words here) business. Since his father passed in 2008, his relationship with his family has deteriorated badly.
We are not changing anything to suit anybody-show up or cram it is the motto here for Christmas(now that's the Spirit of Christmas, right?).
There is a possibility that some of your ideas will be implemented because my sister is furious that they are once again pulling this junk, so it may turn interesting(she's done it before). Christmas throwdown Texas style!
My in-laws can run to the mean spirited/manipulative side and I try to rise above it, this time, it just got to me-Sonoran Silkies I think you're right-I am still grieving for my BIL and my father and just ain't feelin' it.

I wish I could be with my sister who lost her husband a few months ago-I hate not being there because this is her first Christmas without him.
I don't come from a family like this and don't understand why it always has to be this way.