THe i want to slap my stepdaughter upside her head rant by Conny

[HennysMom]

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well then she should apologize to the DSD, and say she's sorry that she posted it that way - she didn't mean to say she loves him more than his daughter does. clearly a misunderstanding. and apologizing is not hard. its not admitting any kind of wrongdoing. you're just sorry that she took it that way...



I have to disagree. I say I love you more to Ken all the time and my step kids never get all bent outta shape over it. I love you more is a thing that has been going on for ages. Conny's "D" SD needs an attitude adjustment.

Debi - its a "father-daughter" thing... trust me. Doesnt come into play with a "son-father" issue at all.

Now.. flip it around though - when you were dating your DH - was your son protective of you? Probably so.. same scenario, just a bit different when it comes to sons-mothers

 

[ksacres]

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[cwc362]

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Isnt that a deoderant commercial?

lol I guess it is but still a good rule !!

I had forgotten about that old commercial!!

 

[conny63malies]

Next time i just write I love you too ..insert name of SD

 

[cwc362]

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Connie, sounds like what she's doing is baiting you. Don't fall for it. Just igg her. igg -igg- igg unless she gets directly up in your face , of course. Then if she gets up in your face--

Just kidding- These kind of things are really hard to know what to do.

 

[Katy]

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And unless you put your partner above your kids, your marriage is likely to spend lots of time on rocky ground. A marriage is a partnership. The wants and needs of ADULT children should not enter into it at all. They are old enough to be their own keepers.

Correct me if I'm wrong here, but the only way to get "stepkids under your belt" is to get divorced and remarried. I don't plan on that scenario, I plan to keep my marriage healthy any way I can and to see it through. But that's the idealist in me. 20 years from now may be a long, rough road that will leave me at the mercy of adult step children. But I certainly hope not.

I might be young, but that doesn't mean I don't understand how things work. I myself have a stepmother. No, I don't call her "mom" (I call her MamaLu), but I was mostly grown when they got married and I adore her. She's the best thing that ever happened to my father. And I would never have dreamed of disrespecting her.

What "kids want/feel" should only be considered up to a point. I don't think allowing racist talk and belittlement should be within the allowed limits. Fighting over an extra glass of soda at dinner-probably better just to let it go. Calling your stepmother a Nazi-not so much. Those "kids" are old enough to understand that they are hurting Coni. They are also old enough that some "tough love" from their father would do them a world of good.

Coni-have you really talked about it with your DH? Does he know how much it really hurts you when they do this? Seems to me that the problem is *almost* as much with him as it is with your stepchildren. Daddy is letting them walk all over you. Until HE gets involved, it's unlikely they will change of their own free will.

KS....I hope your marriage lasts as long as mine...we're at 35+ years now and still going strong.

I don't think you've got kids yet right? I hate to tell you but once you have kids they do take priority over your partner a lot of the time. It's not that you love your partner less, it's just the way it is.

I've never had step kids, but I have 2 step-grandsons who I love dearly. My sons have been in their lives since they were very small so I think that helps, but I'm sure once the teen-age years hit my sons will hear "you're not my dad" more than once.

I would like to hear the daughter's perspective on the situation. I'm sure it's quite different. As I said before there's always 3 sides to every story......hers, hers, and the truth.

 

[redhen]

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What she said! a teen being jealous is one thing...a teen being allowed to be disrespectful is another!...

 

[debilorrah]

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I have to disagree. I say I love you more to Ken all the time and my step kids never get all bent outta shape over it. I love you more is a thing that has been going on for ages. Conny's "D" SD needs an attitude adjustment.

Debi - its a "father-daughter" thing... trust me. Doesnt come into play with a "son-father" issue at all.

Now.. flip it around though - when you were dating your DH - was your son protective of you? Probably so.. same scenario, just a bit different when it comes to sons-mothers

Ken is a father and Sara is a daughter, living with us, and she would never do soemthing like that to me. I do get it.

 

[HennysMom]

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Debi - its a "father-daughter" thing... trust me. Doesnt come into play with a "son-father" issue at all.

Now.. flip it around though - when you were dating your DH - was your son protective of you? Probably so.. same scenario, just a bit different when it comes to sons-mothers

Ken is a father and Sara is a daughter, living with us, and she would never do soemthing like that to me. I do get it.

Omgoodness..thats not how I meant it Debi...... and I didnt say you didnt get it hun; I was just saying father-daughter / father-son /mother - daughter / mother-son relationships are different. I didnt know Ken had a daughter, only heard you talk about your son and step sons. Certainly didnt mean it the way you read it.

Written text... go figure

 

[ksacres]

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We aren't talking about a colicky baby, or missing vacation/datenight/inserteventhere b/c your three year old has a fever of 104 and you have to take them to the ER. We are talking about ADULT children. Adult children that don't need bibs and hand holding to cross the street.

The real world is out there, and it isn't in their best interest to be cosseted. It's a parent's responsibility to prepare their children to be successful on their own. Part of that is not giving in to every whim.

I plan to have and enjoy many more years with my dh. But happily ever after begins on day one, not suddenly after 20 years. 5 years or 50, the same commitment to each other should be honored. I make it a point to tell my dh that I love and appreciate him. We have set a good precedent in our marriage-if we follow the path that we are already on, I have no doubt we will make through anything that life throws at us.

I agree that there are three sides to every story, but we all need a good rant now and again.