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Oh, I'm not offended in the least. I just don't know how you can say I don't understand. I *have* a stepmother. I *am* someone's child. I would NEVER have expected my father to re-arrange his PERSONAL life to suit me. That is selfish and unjustified. Allowing the child to rule a household is asking for trouble (not that I would ever have disrespected my stepmom anyway).
I'm not talking about "helping" your grown child. I know that I can count on my father if I really need something. Sure, after they move out, they're still your kids, but they should not be in charge of your life.
Allowing this behavoiur isn't helping them, it's hurting them. They are adults to the public now, responsible for their own actions. Do you think if they don't "like" their future bosses, they can just disrespect them too? It's all relevant b/c it's the same thing. Sometimes you have to suck it up and show respect to people that you'd rather not-that's a life lesson they would do well to learn.
Ideally, you have a spouse before and after you have kids. That means your spouse is the one you need to connect with, not your kids. Being buddy buddy to your kids instead of "boss" is not a healthy thing. Maybe when they start ACTING like adults, you can become friends with them. But so long as they are acting like bratty kids, they should be considered and treated like bratty kids. Time for a time out.
I'm just saying I don't think someone who hasn't had a child doesn't understand the depth of that love and how it affects your spousal realtionship. It changes it...there's just no way it doesn't. I thought I knew what it would be like to love a child before I had one, but nothing prepared me for how it feels.
I'm not saying the SD should be allowed to run the show, but responding to her like was done doesn't do anything to help the situation. Someone has to be the adult in a situation like this. I actually wonder if the father knows how the step mom and step daughter are treating each other and enjoys being the sought after prize. There are plenty of people who like that who don't care who's fighting over them...just so someone is. If this is the way it's always been he should have stepped in years ago.
