The Old Folks Home

[microchick]

Perchi.girl and Wickedchicken6. Rest assured you are not alone. I love your quote, wickedchicken.

 

[Wickedchicken6]

Perchi.girl and Wickedchicken6. Rest assured you are not alone. I love your quote, wickedchicken.

I think there's a lot of us. More than we realize. Like on here...it's quite interesting how many of us have similar experiences. It makes me sad to hear that others deal with the same type of issues. But it's also enlightening to know we're not isolated and alone in this. They say life is a journey....

Now that my family is more aware it happens to most of us, we tend to tag team when we can to diffuse it.

 

[Wickedchicken6]

I find a lot in of these days of late....I'm thinking about all that's discussed on here and evaluating where I am and where I'm going....and whether some of the things I'm bringing with me need to be left behind.

I may not saying much but I'm thinking a lot...

 

[microchick]

I find a lot in of these days of late....I'm thinking about all that's discussed on here and evaluating where I am and where I'm going....and whether some of the things I'm bringing with me need to be left behind.

I may not saying much but I'm thinking a lot...

My husband is always telling me, look ahead, don't look back. It's good advice but hard sometimes. I find I'm mentally reprimanding myself and reminding myself that 'you're doing it again, stop looking back!' Actually, it's great advice. I have a fantastic life now, but life didn't really start for me until I was 52 and met my soon to be husband. Until then, it was dealing with my health problems, dealing with two aging, demented parents and a mother who thought her job was to make her children live the life SHE wanted them to live. Now I have a loving husband, a wonderful life living in deep rural Missouri. I have a flock of chickens that make me laugh and motivate me to get outside and get some fresh air. Looking ahead is good.

Life is good.

 

[pennyJo1960]

I understand there was a time Grandpa was cutting chicken and
Grandma was going at him as she did (a ornery german) he held his butcher knife up
told her very quietly Lottie one more word I will slit you eat to ear

 

[microchick]

I understand there was a time Grandpa was cutting chicken and
Grandma was going at him as she did (a ornery german) he held his butcher knife up
told her very quietly Lottie one more word I will slit you eat to ear

That's funny. My dad was 100% German/Pennsylvania Duetch and was the most easy going person you would ever want to meet. Not at all the typical German. Mom was Irish and Cherokee. She was more the onery German than he was.

 

[Latestarter]

Deb (and others), it is only you yourself that keeps you in the present situation. You are NOT your parent's or grandparent's keeper by any (acceptable) rule of law or nature, but by society's and your own "morality". When the hand that feeds is continually/repeatedly bitten, it's time to stop feeding by hand. Walk away. They will remain in their home as long as they are able to and then they can move into an assisted living environment. You don't "owe" them anything. You are not their offspring/descendant by your choice. If they helped you in life it was by their choice. If you help them it is by YOUR choice. When it gets to be too much, choose to no longer abide by it.

My mother turned into her mother as she aged. She alienated everyone in the family except my oldest sister (liar, cheat, thief, suck up), who will follow in HER mother's footsteps. I finally had enough and basically told her "it's going to be this way going forward or we won't be going forward". I haven't spoken to her in a good 4-5 years. Because she is just as stubborn as I am, I doubt I will ever see her or speak with her again. Oh well. her loss. It hasn't ruined my life and in fact has improved it. I'll never see my inheritance as my dad died several years ago and my older sister will ensure that she gets it all. Oh well... I'm living without it now and will continue to do so. I disowned that sister 25 years ago and don't regret that decision either.

I'm personally responsible for my own life, existence, happiness, and no one else's. I may choose to contribute to another's but it is NOT my responsibility. My access to this site is limited (site issues for me) and I can't access emojis, so imagine me hiding under a chair after slapping tape across my mouth.

I wish all who are experiencing this type of pain, a pain free future at some point.

 

[pennyJo1960]

Grandma was German / English / Pennsylvania Duetch / Black
Grandpa German

Okay had to add my Ma I love dearly we just lost her but there was a Daughter
born to her before my Brother and I Ma was naughty young lady went to the city away from mean Grandma
got pregnant by a Swede large man of that our Half Sister was born... Half Sister is a
narcissist my definition is say's her name her own daughter will have nothing to do with her
us three disowned her my life is great I am one goofy gal with the best life......... My choice

 

[jtn42248]

Deb (and others), it is only you yourself that keeps you in the present situation. You are NOT your parent's or grandparent's keeper by any (acceptable) rule of law or nature, but by society's and your own "morality". When the hand that feeds is continually/repeatedly bitten, it's time to stop feeding by hand. Walk away. They will remain in their home as long as they are able to and then they can move into an assisted living environment. You don't "owe" them anything. You are not their offspring/descendant by your choice. If they helped you in life it was by their choice. If you help them it is by YOUR choice. When it gets to be too much, choose to no longer abide by it.

My mother turned into her mother as she aged. She alienated everyone in the family except my oldest sister (liar, cheat, thief, suck up), who will follow in HER mother's footsteps. I finally had enough and basically told her "it's going to be this way going forward or we won't be going forward". I haven't spoken to her in a good 4-5 years. Because she is just as stubborn as I am, I doubt I will ever see her or speak with her again. Oh well. her loss. It hasn't ruined my life and in fact has improved it. I'll never see my inheritance as my dad died several years ago and my older sister will ensure that she gets it all. Oh well... I'm living without it now and will continue to do so. I disowned that sister 25 years ago and don't regret that decision either.

I'm personally responsible for my own life, existence, happiness, and no one else's. I may choose to contribute to another's but it is NOT my responsibility. My access to this site is limited (site issues for me) and I can't access emojis, so imagine me hiding under a chair after slapping tape across my mouth.

I wish all who are experiencing this type of pain, a pain free future at some point.

Very well said.

My mother is 95 and living on her own in an assisted living environment about 50 miles from our farm here in West Texas. She worked very hard to raise me and my sister who was ill all her live and died at the age of 32. I was basically raised by my maternal grandparents since my mother was working 16+ hours a day her entire life to pay my sister's medical expenses...they did not have assistance programs back then the way they do today. In a lot of ways that has proven to have been a good thing because neither my mother nor I ever developed that mother child bond to the point we feel it is now in some way lacking. As she has aged, my mother has more and more filled her life with regret at not having done one thing or another and the good old "if I knew then what I know now I would have done things different". Well, she did not know then and neither did anyone else.

I guess I am just saying that I am one of the lucky ones. I have a mother that would be a real pain in the a** if our lives had been different when I was growing up. But, because of the way things turned out I can be affectionate with her and she with me. I can tolerate her depressive attitude because it does not reflect the life I had as a child. She can, and does, try to manipulate things now and then and I can just walk away without any regret or remorse and, when she is in a better frame of mind, can take her to lunch or shopping and not want to just leave her by the side of the road.

I know so many people that have situations with their aging parents that have been discussed here and I truely feel for eveyone of them. But I am also very grateful to not have those burdens.

 

[pennyJo1960]

@Latestarter Kudos, may sound like. Ma and I where in a great place
I too am free of guilt or remorse