- Jun 11, 2007
- 12,148
- 576
- 311
Yes, we actually got one this past weekend. I think they just wanted to beat the crowds and get all the attention for themselves.
These are people I haven't seen for over 15 years, and very rarely before then at that. But they just couldn't resist the urge to brag on and on about their kids' achievements and brilliance and about the fabulous trips they've all taken. I don't know why I expected a tiny bit of humility to break in there to mitigate the letter's egocentricity. When I finished it, I was just stupified.
But then I decided to write a letter of my own:
Yes, its that time of year again for family newsletters. We adore you all and just want to tell you all about our little family and all the fabulous things weve been doing this past year.
The wave of super-achievement started when my handsome and brilliant husband won the Brush of the Year award from his companys painting department. Although his skills are too numerous to list, apparently his blending of brushmarks and roller marks was the best in the company. Hes been so sweetly modest about it. We are ignoring the neighbors complaints about the neon yard sign he had made of the award plaque. They are jealous.
Our darling kitties are as magnificent as ever. They have not once missed the litterbox the whole year. Everyone who visits falls in love with their good looks and charm. Well except for that unfortunate incident with the visiting pastor who had terrier scent on his shoes.
Little Pumpkin won Americas Next Top Broody this year. Shes such an overachiever in this regard. Were expecting a call from a major hatchery agency any day now. Shes sure to be in demand for her exemplary fluffiness and poetic broody voicings. If that talent werent enough for any one hen, she also took the first place in our towns Cluck-Off contest held in conjunction with the Oyster Shuck-Off festival this past weekend. It was quite the victory! She loves telling strangers to cluck off.
Sweetness has been having issues with moulting lately. Trainwreck would best describe her, which is damaging her self-esteem, especially since she was booked to be on the cover of Chick Magnet & Homesteading magazine this month. She is going to hunt down and peck the floozy Buff Cochin who took her place. She did get booked for a photo shoot for Mega-Moult Chicks calendar. Look for her as the almost naked Miss October.
Miss Floppy and Biscuit are both taking Advanced Treat-Snatching in their online college curriculum (Coop-er University). Who knew when they were just cute little chicks that they had such commanding potential? Im sure my never-ending supply of study material had nothing to do with it. I am trying not to be a stage mother, but its so hard when my girls are obviously so superior to all those other chicks who are just starting Oatmeal 101.
We all went to Paris to celebrate the girls' birthday (I mean hatch-day). They loved the escargot and intriguing things the French do with fruits and cheeses. They all weigh several more ounces when we returned. But not me. I'm still the same size 00 I've been since Harvard cheerleading captain days. But back to the girls - they loved Paris and Tuscany, although they had trouble understanding those strangely accented foreign chickens. We now know that the poultry are so unsophisticated here at home. But our girls try to rise above their common surroundings the best they can. And shouldn't we all.
Well, thats our humble little news from our humble little lives. Its so good to be humble.
Very sincerely,
The Buff Hooligans Family
These are people I haven't seen for over 15 years, and very rarely before then at that. But they just couldn't resist the urge to brag on and on about their kids' achievements and brilliance and about the fabulous trips they've all taken. I don't know why I expected a tiny bit of humility to break in there to mitigate the letter's egocentricity. When I finished it, I was just stupified.
But then I decided to write a letter of my own:
Yes, its that time of year again for family newsletters. We adore you all and just want to tell you all about our little family and all the fabulous things weve been doing this past year.
The wave of super-achievement started when my handsome and brilliant husband won the Brush of the Year award from his companys painting department. Although his skills are too numerous to list, apparently his blending of brushmarks and roller marks was the best in the company. Hes been so sweetly modest about it. We are ignoring the neighbors complaints about the neon yard sign he had made of the award plaque. They are jealous.
Our darling kitties are as magnificent as ever. They have not once missed the litterbox the whole year. Everyone who visits falls in love with their good looks and charm. Well except for that unfortunate incident with the visiting pastor who had terrier scent on his shoes.
Little Pumpkin won Americas Next Top Broody this year. Shes such an overachiever in this regard. Were expecting a call from a major hatchery agency any day now. Shes sure to be in demand for her exemplary fluffiness and poetic broody voicings. If that talent werent enough for any one hen, she also took the first place in our towns Cluck-Off contest held in conjunction with the Oyster Shuck-Off festival this past weekend. It was quite the victory! She loves telling strangers to cluck off.
Sweetness has been having issues with moulting lately. Trainwreck would best describe her, which is damaging her self-esteem, especially since she was booked to be on the cover of Chick Magnet & Homesteading magazine this month. She is going to hunt down and peck the floozy Buff Cochin who took her place. She did get booked for a photo shoot for Mega-Moult Chicks calendar. Look for her as the almost naked Miss October.
Miss Floppy and Biscuit are both taking Advanced Treat-Snatching in their online college curriculum (Coop-er University). Who knew when they were just cute little chicks that they had such commanding potential? Im sure my never-ending supply of study material had nothing to do with it. I am trying not to be a stage mother, but its so hard when my girls are obviously so superior to all those other chicks who are just starting Oatmeal 101.
We all went to Paris to celebrate the girls' birthday (I mean hatch-day). They loved the escargot and intriguing things the French do with fruits and cheeses. They all weigh several more ounces when we returned. But not me. I'm still the same size 00 I've been since Harvard cheerleading captain days. But back to the girls - they loved Paris and Tuscany, although they had trouble understanding those strangely accented foreign chickens. We now know that the poultry are so unsophisticated here at home. But our girls try to rise above their common surroundings the best they can. And shouldn't we all.
Well, thats our humble little news from our humble little lives. Its so good to be humble.
Very sincerely,
The Buff Hooligans Family
Last edited:
