What do I think of this man marrying my daughter?

[terrilhb]

I posted earlier about my daughter getting married. I might be wrong, but this is how I was raised. The man she is marrying is worryism. He does not like to work in the heat. To hot for him he wants to be inside. He uses her car all the time. And he is afraid of everything. The dark, the sound of coyotes and more. He has no vehicle he lost them all and his house to not paying. He is driving vehicles that his uncle let's him drive and he complains about them. He does not spend anytime with his dogs he thinks they can be alone and only let out 2 or 3 times a day. But then hell my daughter thinks so too. They got a puppy (rott)and complain because he is nipping and fresh. I tell them he is a puppy and that is to be expected. I just do not understan how he can be the way he is. My DH does not like him and I can not believe she can be the way she is with the 3 dogs. Also she allows him to do and say the things he does. There is so much more but I am to angry to not say really ugly things. I just needed to vent thank you all for listening. I don't know what to do or say.

 

[herfrds]

Ah man that is a tough situation.

If you try to say anything daughter will get defensive and you lose, but if you say nothing you still lose.

I would suggest couples counseling before the marriage and maybe some credit counseling too before she married this guy and he buries her in debt.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
Ditto, but as hard as we try we have to let our kids make their own mistakes. Sometimes they learn from those mistakes, sometimes they don't.

Terri

 

[rebel-rousing-at-night]

Quote:
Ditto, but as hard as we try we have to let our kids make their own mistakes. Sometimes they learn from those mistakes, sometimes they don't.

Terri

I agree with gritsar.I know that doesn't make it any easier but the last thing you would want to do is drive your daughter away from you but closer to him.

 

[Thegrayeyedgirl]

The man sounds a bit wimpy...just my type..except for the money issue, that may become a problem. Do you know why she likes him?

 

[equinelyn]

He might have a lot of flaws, but how happy does he make your daughter? It's kinda hard for me to judge without talking with him and seeing him in person. It sounds like he is a lazy mooch!

I just heard a a horrific story of a girl I knew. She has been married for almost 2 years, and is 7 months pregnant with her first child. Her husband came home the other day and said(out of the blue)... "I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce. And I've already been seeing somebody else. And I want you to move out of our apartment so my new girlfriend can move in." She was blindsided and didn't think they had problems.

What would you do if you were this girls father?

Personally I would not marry a guy unless my dad approved. But this guy should be making an effort to make you proud of him, and his lack of effort I'm sure isn't too appealing to you.

 

[Two Creeks Farm]

Maybe she wants that type of man......

 

[booker81]

Not much you can do, since you aren't marrying him.

However, from past experience of marrying a total loser and having it blow up in my face within a year, stay close to your daughter, don't push her away with constant complaining about him. Just be steady and try to be understanding.

When it does blow up, then make sure you're still there for her, non-judgmental, and can help her out.

I married a complete...there aren't family friendly words to describe him. I don't know what I saw in him. My parents were pretty tight lipped about him, never said bad, but never said good. When things went south fast, and I finally realized I needed out of that marriage now, my dad had already found a lawyer to call, and he pretty much paid for my divorce. Found out that my parents HATED this guy, just HATED him.

They like DH now. Of course, he does a lot of work for them, free, and is hard working all the time. He's a lot like my dad, and the two of them get along famously. DH talks to my dad more than I do.

 

[Heathero617]

"They" always say a daughter will marry a man like her father and a son will mary a woman like his mother. I never believed it, i thought my husband was completely opposite of my father....14 years of marriage later, I realize he's just like my father. Hard working, determined, and a royal pain in the rump! But when we were younger, he didnt work...didnt even have his license until my mom made him get in the car and she took him for his test, paid for it and everything. He just wanted to play play play when we were younger, he has grown up now and there is only playing when it's appropriate and feasable.

My best advice to you, as hard as it may seem, just be there for her...be accessable 24/7, because if it falls apart she's going to need you. How old are they and how long have they dated if you dont mind me asking. Because if they are very young >early 20's< could you possibly convince them to hold off until they are settled, both have good jobs, not financially strapped for every penny? If they are wanting a big wedding, you could possibly deter it by refusing to foot the entire bill >if you were doing traditional wedding plans<. My parents didnt dislike my husband while we dated, but they were unsure about our rediness to marry. We dated 7 years to the day by the time we got married, they said financially they couldnt pay the whole cost so we paid for a good portion of it, to find out later we were told it was a test to see if we were responsible enough to handle it. My husband got his very first steady job 6 months before the wedding and stayed with it for 8 years. It's amazing what parental reverse psychology does to a kid...even an adult kid!!

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

p.s. some chicks dig whimpy guys....why...i dunno...but it seems theyre out there.

 

[flnatv]

Sorry you are having to deal with that... I am not there yet, but my daughter (even though she is only a teen right now).. would latch on because she knew I didn't like him.
Tread carefully on what you say and "how" you say it... I have learned to not say much and she makes better choices.

Good luck and I hope things work out the best way possible.