What do you do with an unmotivated 18 year old?

[arabianequine]

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Yeah his into cigarettes, smoking weed, and drinking if allowed to and does at every chance. Oh yeah also Insane Clown Posse/ICP he's a juggalo.....its a juggalo family. Look it up listen to some of the music. He says it is good music and alot of it is funny to him. Sorry but that is all I see him interested in and I don't support none of it.

Never married his father. I left his father at my sons age of 3 and he last we seen or heard from him was at least 7 years ago.

We have raised my husbands two girls with my son and they can't stand my son and neither can my husband. My family is all drug addicts and alcoholics. He says he is gonna go live with my uncle and that is loserville for sure.

I am not perfect but I have sure tried and want the best for him. I am sure not having his dad and the raising kids from different relationships has not helped at all either. Regardless he knows better by now.

His only options really that I know of are here, his own place, his bio dads, my uncles, and job corp. We are still trying for job corp though.

 

[Mattemma]

I would let him go live in the motel,but really I would probably want to help him find a studio apratment.Get him set up with everything.If he is getting SSI does that mean he qualifies for a adult caseworker? I know social workers check out/help kids and elderly,but not sure if they do that for people in his situation. If yes,then they would be able to set him up with a good place to live,doctors,counselours,job training...things like that.

I would want to try the above,but in the end I would want my child to either do what I asked or leave if it was stressing me. My brother stresses me to no end with his drug use,and I finally stopped talking to him. I hated to do it,but the stress I felt when he called to tell me his self-created woes was to much....and I took it for years.

There comes a point where you have to come to terms with the past and move forward. If you make your case and your child still goes against your wishes then the choice to deal with him anymore lies with you.My mom made the choice to late and may lose her house over my brother.You can still encourage your son,but do it from a distance.Suicide was always a concern,but again that choice lies with the other person.It is like they hold it over you so you go along with what they want...otherwise they will off themselves.

Don't know the laws these days,but it used to be you could have a loved one locked up for psychiatric eval if they threatened to kill themselves or others.Only a minumum 3 days,but sometimes it leads to more care.

Sounds like you will fret regardless of his location,so I would set him up somewhere outside the home. I don't think I could function if someone in the family was talking about killing others.

Best wishes for you in finding a good resolution for all involved.

 

[Royd]

I'm sure this will stir the pot, with a lot of parents, but I had a neighbor kid who wore his "disabilities" like a badge of honor....It gave him liscence to act like an idiot, at all times, except when he was on my property, because I wouldn't tolerate it...And, amazingly, when he was spending time with me, he acted like a normal human being, because he knew that I'd send him packing. I liked the kid, and we could have good conversations, but when he got a notion in his head, the doctors, the teachers, and society, in general, have given him a pass, because of his mental conditions....Don't think, for a minute, that these kids aren't smart enough to pick up on that, and kids, being what they are, generally lazy and irresponsible, see no reason why some kids can get away with murder, while they have to toe the line.

 

[Wifezilla]

I would drive him down to the nearest mental health facility and leave him there. Yeah he has brain cooties and that is not his fault but it is his fault he is not managing his illness and using it as a way to beat you up in a way.

 

[chics in the sun]

Honestly, I've worked in community mental health for 13 years (just changed jobs a year ago), and your son does indeed sound like he has a serious mental illness. The tough love is all you can do to start with, as illness or no illness, he must see that there are consequences to his behavior. Unfortunately, the illnesss will make it very very difficult to learn life's lessons like the rest of us have had to - he will need a lot of help. I would look for an independent living program or case management service to help him function on his own, as it doesn't sound like he will be able to without one. He will end up in prison with an untreated mental illness, and that is not good for anyone. And find a professional payee. They charge a small fee, but it will be worth every penny, I guarntee it.
Please hang in there with him and do what you can while still maintaining the boundaries you need to to have peace in your home. I've seen too many mentally ill young people abandoned by family members who are too frustrated and burned out to handle them any more. It's understandable when it happens, but with the right support and services you can maintain a relationships with him and he will get better over time.

 

[Momagain1]

I agree; if you are getting SSI for him; you shold have some sort of caseworker! Use them..what about a group home?

and quite HONESTLY..with his statement of him already threatening to blow his head off today..I'd call the police and tell them..have them take him --
even unwillingly to an ER for a mental assessment ...

when our DD was making suicidal threats; then she ran out of the house...we had the police on the phone and they were out scouring for her and found her..
took her to the hospital where she ended up being for 18 days...of course she was EXTREMELY MAD..but I'd rather her be mad, then dead.

YOU DONT KNOW WHEN THESE THREATS ARE FALSE...and you really dont want that on your conscious...I dont care if he's at school or not right now..call....

 

[rancher hicks]

Well I don't have time to read all the postings but it seems to me counseling is in order. I know some think counseling means "your nuts" but it does not. It means "I need some help sorting things out", and it does help. If you, your husband and your son are serious in wanting help then you need to do something about it. If any of you won't go then the ones who will should go. For counseling.

There is a reason for this problem and each of you needs to find out what it is. Especially your son. He will still have to get along with the rest of the world whether you or your husband are or are not a part of it.

Talk to your son and your husband and see if they will go. Together or alone.

If one counselor is not making things better than get another. They are not all the same.

Just remember this, It's not what happens to you , it's how you choose to react to it. Sometimes we need someone to help us know our options. That's where a counselor comes in.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, this is life.


Hope you take my advice and things work out.

Rancher

 

[Katy]

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X2

 

[SillyChicken]

I agree with Royd, my nephew is autisitc and he's smart. He knows he's autistic and he uses it to his advantage and is very manipulative.

You cannot make him do anything at this point. But you can stop being his enabler. I'd do what I could to get other people to manage his finances, medication etc, kick him out, and then take a step back. He has to grow up, and learn the hard way. MY DSD had to learn the same way.. 1 mo away from graduationg HS she quit.... well, she's finaly grown up, understands what her dad and I were trying to do for her and she's graduating from nursing school in June.

Sometimes it takes someone else to set them straight.

 

[Steve_of_sandspoultry]

There is "support group" that has much experience in teaching motivation in young adults, they have a "resort" island in South Carolina where they teach them everything they need to know. It's called Paris Island and the group is the USMC.

Steve