what would you do if.....

[redhen]

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Yes, but you probably love her so much that you would never make her get rid of a pet she loved. I would also assume that she loves you enough to never ask you to give up a beloved pet. When you really love someone, you don't ask them to give up a pet to prove your love. I would take it as a red flag.

Double Ditto...
We all know what a good guy you are Mahonri.. You'd let your wife keep the critters if she really wanted them.....

 

[Countrywife]

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OK, sorry, this is the part that sends up great big red flags in my brain. I personally gave up my home, my life, everyone I have ever known and the one place I had ever lived to follow my husband, who was military at the time. In return, I got the life that brought me here with you guys! I love my husband, and I did what I had to do to be with him. NOW, if the ole boy EVER told me to give up my animals and "work on something constructive" it would get mighty nasty at my house. Love is not always agreeing with each other, but it is tolerating each other, and all the little quirks.

 

[horsejody]

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Yes, she should love her husband more than the pets, but he should love her too. If he loves her, then he would want her to keep her beloved pets. When you love someone, you don't demand that they give up pets. Those kind of ultimatums are a red flag that happen when you are with a controlling person. She has never said that she is leaving him. He wants to move and leave the animals behind. Pets are a joint decision, but you can't marry somebody with pets and then decide later on that there can be no animals. That is a very uncompassionate way to treat somebody that you supposedly love.

 

[Penturner]

I would say that if your pets are more important than your spouse. keeping your pets is not your biggest problem by far. And no loving my wife does not at all mean I woudl want her to keep her pets. Not if it was an obsessive unhealthy avoidance of managing her life in a healthy way. Many people spend more time with their pets than people because their pets place no expectations on them and it allows them to avoid the responsibility that go hand in hand with human relationships. If in fact it is a healthy and fulfilling part of her life. why can't the pets move with you?

 

[Penturner]

I want to add to the comment above that I woudl never ask my wife, Who I love, To give up a life that we have spent our entire marriage building. everything about it has been shaped for her happiness as well as mine. I am a crafty and animal type person. she is a people type person. that will never be something that we will agree with each other on. But our back yard has a huge giant patio where she can gather with her friends and just beyond that is a beautiful but small shop that is obvious at a glance has a huge importance in our life. Both speak of priority, yet two distinct priorities. It requires both persons in a mariage being treated like there wants and needs matter. and not just with words.

 

[Ashmeade]

Bye Husband!

 

[WingingIt]

No offense, but it sounds like the pets aren't really the issue. Sounds like you two need to sit and have a few really good, long talks about your relationship and the future you both want and see how to get some of what you both want. It sounds to me that he's picking on the animals because he knows how much it will irk you just to get a rise out of you and you're puffing up about how he's unreasonable and posting to us to get us to back you up on that when the animals aren't really the main issue anyway. And what does moving have to do with having animals?

 

[mom'sfolly]

I think the red flags are there. He wants you to move, and give up something you love. Will not spending time with friends and family be next? If there are legitimate concerns that is one thing, but just saying he hates your pets, therefore you should get rid of them is not legitimate.

If the dogs poop in the house...that's an issue
If someone is allergic...that's an issue
If the house is always dirty because of the pets...that's an issue
If the dog's bite...that's and issue
If the pets take so much of your time that there is nothing left over...that's an issue


If your husband hates your animals, why didn't he say something before you got them, or before you married? I think this is a control issue, not an animal issue. Playing games that involve "if you really loved me you would do what I want" only leads to bad places...anger, resentment, guilt, control issues. If a relationship is going in this direction, and you must prove your love by doing or acting a certain way, it simply isn't worth it. Real love doesn't work that way.

I'm not religious, but Corinthians has some pretty good directions about real love, and it doesn't involve ultimatums.

 

[CrazyFowlFreak]

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[redux]

It's not a matter of which is more important so much as a matter of an adult woman being treated like a child. No matter how important your spouse is to you, you can't simply take orders. It is not for him to decide how much time she should spend cleaning, working, playing with animals, etc. That is her decision as an adult. When a man tries to assume a parental role, it is time for the woman to school him in the difference between a husband and a father.