what would you do if.....

[PotterWatch]

Unless my animals were destructive in a way that couldn't be managed or we simply couldn't afford to feed them, I would not give them up. I did give up my cats for my allergic son, but not just because my spouse didn't like them. My animals make me happy, so they stay.

 

[cassie]

I'd keep the dogs and dump the husband. This has more to do with a control issue than the dogs. If he loved you and cared about what was important to you he wouldn't even ask.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

It sounds to me like there are probably other issues in the marriage. I cannot imagine asking my husband to give up something he enjoys, or him asking me to. It is one thing to ask that something be limited, another to ask that it be eliminated. As to moving--why? Is it a job transfer? Moving closer to or away from family? Pure whim?

He obviously feels neglected--are you really spending all your time with the animals and none with him? He wants you to do something constructive? Is the house filthy or a mess? Do y'all need the income from a 2nd paycheck?

I think you need to spend some time with a marriage counselor to identify and work through the issues.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Please don't tell me he was the one who shot your dog! Tell me that I misread and he was simply not sympathetic to your grief. Either is bad, but the former is far worse.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Okay, you are a family. As husband and wife you are partners who make joint decisions. Sounds like he wants to live where there are better job opportunities as well as the possibility of getting a degree; and he wants to live with his family rather than away from them. None of those is a bad thing. Deciding exactly how that will take place, though does seem to be very one-sided. Why would you have to live in an apartment instead of a house? Why is he the one who is "allowed" to make a unilateral decision?

How many animals do you have? Also, how attached are the kids to the animals? How old are the kids? If money is tight, I can see that he would want you to pull in a paycheck as well--but you have to determine whether the costs of working will really offset the income from working: work often costs extra in clothing, transportation, meals, child care and other expenses.

 

[Mandalina]

I am thankful I have my husband after reading the responses, he may hate my pets but he wouldnt tell me or ask me to get rid of them bc he knows they mean a lot to me. They have made it thru many moves and he always helps me with them if I ask him to. It is the same reason I dont ask him to throw away his disgusting old ratty KU shirt, he loves it so I tolerate it's smelly presence in my house.

 

[chixie]

You have to make the choice. I offered to get rid of most of my animals when money got really tight. but DH told me that he would not make me give up the one thing that gives me joy in my life besides my family. I know my dh hates some of my animals... this is something the two of you will have to work out... hugs

 

[WingingIt]

I hope that you don't mind some advice from another long time military wife. You said he's deployed right now. Sweetie, he's stressed beyond belief right now. Not only about his job, but where the extra money he's earning is going, he's hearing stories from buddies who's spouses are leaving them/cheating on them, spending every dime they'll ever hope to earn while they are over there. He's venting and while we (as the spouses at home) need to vent, too, you need to try and not lay a bunch on him every time you hear from him. Even though it feels dishonest, you need to screen what you tell him. Tell him about the big stuff, sure, but the day to day annoyances......tell your friends. When they hear nothing but bad news and complaints (I'm not saying you're doing that) they feel like they are risking their lives away from their family and it isn't even helping their family at all, so they are worthless.

Save up some of the hazardous duty and family separation pay so that you have an emergency account in case of a needed unexpected repair........give him updates on how well the kids are doing, tell him how much you miss him and how much you appreciate what he's doing and how that allows you to stay home and raise the children as you BOTH

wanted you to be able to do, how it allows you to have the animals and take care of their needs...............when he's there with you it's easy for him to see your appreciation and the benefits of his job, when they are deployed you have to be more obvious about it.

If finances have been and remain the most pressing issue in your marriage then maybe you can get some finance books from the library and get a head start reading them. Then when he's back he can read them and you can continue on a great future together with a budget and a plan.

It sounds to me like a lot of it is that he's just stressed, tired and homesick and taking it out on you because he knows you'll love him no matter what. Send him a care package and a love letter and keep communicating. Hugs.

 

[melissa41927]

thanks wingingit.

 

[CrazyFowlFreak]

I hope you are feeling better. I am a prior military and I totally get where you're coming from now. Hang in there