I hope that you don't mind some advice from another long time military wife. You said he's deployed right now. Sweetie, he's stressed beyond belief right now. Not only about his job, but where the extra money he's earning is going, he's hearing stories from buddies who's spouses are leaving them/cheating on them, spending every dime they'll ever hope to earn while they are over there. He's venting and while we (as the spouses at home) need to vent, too, you need to try and not lay a bunch on him every time you hear from him. Even though it feels dishonest, you need to screen what you tell him. Tell him about the big stuff, sure, but the day to day annoyances......tell your friends. When they hear nothing but bad news and complaints (I'm not saying you're doing that) they feel like they are risking their lives away from their family and it isn't even helping their family at all, so they are worthless.
Save up some of the hazardous duty and family separation pay so that you have an emergency account in case of a needed unexpected repair........give him updates on how well the kids are doing, tell him how much you miss him and how much you appreciate what he's doing and how that allows you to stay home and raise the children as you BOTH
wanted you to be able to do, how it allows you to have the animals and take care of their needs...............when he's there with you it's easy for him to see your appreciation and the benefits of his job, when they are deployed you have to be more obvious about it.
If finances have been and remain the most pressing issue in your marriage then maybe you can get some finance books from the library and get a head start reading them. Then when he's back he can read them and you can continue on a great future together with a budget and a plan.
It sounds to me like a lot of it is that he's just stressed, tired and homesick and taking it out on you because he knows you'll love him no matter what. Send him a care package and a love letter and keep communicating. Hugs.
