When families fight about death....

[Southernbelle]

My grandmother had a beautiful passing 5 years ago. She was in the final stages of Lou Gehrig's disease, and receiving hospice at home. She had 8 kids and dozens of grandkids and we were all told the end was near. Everyone was focused on trying to make her as comfortable as possible and everyone prayed together the whole time. My grandmother was a deeply religious woman and the day she died, she was surrounded by most of her kids, a few of her in-laws and several grandchildren. The whole room was praying a rosary together and at the very last Amen, my grandmother breathed her last breath. It was still hard to lose her, but she was as comfortable as she could be and surrounded by people she loved.

I'm sorry your family doesn't understand that.

 

[bargain]

God bless you and your family. I'm praying for healing and restoration of family peace.

I used to be an administrator of a hospice program...It's such a hard decision for folks to make as to their own care or care of others.

While we are healthy or relatively, it's important to let our loved ones know our wishes and to have the legal instruments that make the wishes known and that varies from state to state and country to country.

I will say that my sister fought cancer tooth and nail and then died shortly before 40...leaving three children behind..... My grandmother died of cancer prior to notions of hospice care. My father died of cancer, and eventually agreed to hospice care and I was his non paid caregiver(having long gone one past the hospice administrator job)......For our family, were it not for our own belief and knowledge that we're going to a "better place", the suffering would have been so inbearable. Even with our own religious belief system of heaven and life hereafter, it is still difficult to see our own loved ones die....I will say that at my mother's death her last few words were to me that she loved me and then she called out the names of her dead relatives as a loving whisper and then God and even writing about this today, I weep with a special kind of knowing and peace now...

 

[faykokoWV]

its so hard to explain the difference between giving up and letting go. I went through this when my mother was ill. She and I had several long conversations about her coming death. My brother and father were very angry with me about it. Apparently they felt it was wrong for me to even mention the fact that she was dying. By talking with her, I hope it made it easier for her and I know it was easier for me. At one point, dad forgot her wishes and had the medical staff put her on a venilator. Thankfully, we were able to take her off of it and get hospice for her. She died one week later. When she finally died, a lot of my grieving had already been done with her. I also knew to tell the funeral director that she wanted yellow roses on her casket and absolutely no carnations. Because my grieving process appeared to be shorter, my dad and brother both were still angry and implied that I just didn't care as much since my loss didn't appear as great. I still try to explain it to them, but they just don't get it. I had begun my grieving from the first day she was diagnosed with metastatic spine cancer.

 

[duck walk]

I have a living will and my children have instructions...difficult for them to hear as they never want to let go of mom...I have never lied to them and have always delt with things head on so I put them in a "sit stay" and this is what it is...they each have a copy of my will and my ins policies in their possession so no one has to go hunting for them...or wonder if they even exsist...I even have a file for the disposal and relocation of all my animals...I have four dogs at present and a new puppy coming in a few weeks...cover the bases is my attitude...everyone leaves here eventually...every journey ends...knowing this SHOULD make us live better...

for the OP, I am so sorry you had to deal with these things in the manner that you did and that your family members are being not so nice to you...hang in there...they will either get over themselves or not...you just be you and know that your head is screwed on right while their seems a bit too tight...

 

[twentynine]

The treatment chosen is the patient's first, then if they are unable to communicate, the next of kin.
If I read correctly you were niether the patient or next of kin.
Obviously you did not agree with the course of action, but-------

 

[Cetawin]

Quote:
Exactly!