Would my chicken intentionally kill me if he weighed 300 lb instead...

[matte]

Maybe it would be a great friend like the one from my favorite childhood story, The Gollywhopper Egg.
I like the oldchick's description better though.

 

[Minniechickmama]

Three words...
Jurassic Park
Velociraptors

 

[WriterofWords]

Are you kidding? We are nothing more than walking snacks. My little bitty feathered freeloaders will trip me and attack me on the way down! They try to convince me they are just looking for treats,,,, but I know better,, I can see it in their eyes!

 

[flowerchild59]

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x2

 

[theoldchick]

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Oh, yeah! I love the scene where the old lady is talking on the telephone the size of a volkswagen and yelling about her chickens not eating the new feed. Gal, did she ever rake that nonexistent person over the coals!

 

[Eggs-quisite Eggs-cursion]

Then there was this 300-pound chicken pecking at my stove, making lots of rattling noises. I was sitting just a few feet away, previously engrossed in a movie on Netflix, as I realized that my chickens were loose and in the house, the fear welled up in me. Huge gigantic fear. And this was rational fear instead of the usual irrational fear. And then ... and then ... I woke up. Yes, this thread gave me a nightmare last night. Thanks, guys.

Yes, I've know for sometime that the chickens would eat me if I passed out in their vicinity. But I didn't imagine that they were all 300 pounds. That's just scary.

Frankly, I don't think the chicken would have to be 300 pounds to take me, either. 75 pounds would probably do the trick.

Now, all I can think of as I see myself walking along across the yard, with 15 chickens chasing after me in Pied Piper fashion, is that they're squawking, "That big meaty morsel of a woman with the egg basket is going to give me a snack ... even if she has to be the snack." I suspect Cleo's chirpy bawks mean that she's calling dibs on the drumstick. It's difficult to believe that one of my other chickens is hoping for my gizzard.

This is an ugly thread.

 

[theoldchick]

I like to observe chickens. At dusk when they are discussing who gets to roost where and settle in, I hear them talking assertively to each other. Sometimes after dark, they talk softly among each other. Whispering because they know I'm near. Stan murmurs endlessly and I know he's plotting with his gals on what to do in the event I stop feeding them.

"I'll rip her hamstrings so she crippled. Jennifer you go for the eyes. Maple, grab her by the throat and choke her. Peck her, too, if you can. Everyone else jump on her and peck her as hard as you can. Once she's dead we can live off her carcass for weeks. Mr. Buzzard said rotten meat taste best so we'll be just fine. He said to work on the guts first because they are juicy and tender. By the time we finish eating the guts the rest of her should be ripe enough for our beaks to shred...."

 

[coolcanoechic]

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Too Funny!!!!!!!!! I'm in tears!

 

[ozark_chickies]

So this means my chickens are not greeting me, when they come up and pull on my pants legs? They are really testing to see if I'm tender enough to eat? I'm heartbroken, I thought they liked me

.

 

[Kittyf]

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They love you - and mealworms, too!

But we're omnivores, too - I think I would give them a run for their money. I can just picture a giant 300 lb. roast chicken, sorta like that Jamieson's commercial. With a wheelbarrow full of stuffing, a bucket of cranberry sauce and enough mashed potatoes to swim in...! Oh, and an apple pie the size of kiddie pool.

Kate