Ahhh, I am steaming mad at my teenage son right now!!!!!

[saddina]

Robin'sBrood :

He is 16, Debi. Will be 17 in February. His daddy is on his way from work to pick him up (our kitchen floor is being installed right now so I can't leave) and he is NOT a happy camper about this!


I do homeschool his younger two siblings, so bringing him home for the rest of the year (under house arrest) is not out of the question.

That would be what I'd do then. Not a decision made from anger (although I'm sure there's plenty of that right now), but as a consequience of him getting pulled from school he'll fail classes and loose credits, and the only way for him to graduate on time is to homeschool to catch up. Logic's on your side.​

 

[Steve_of_sandspoultry]

I feel your pain on that one. When I used to answer the phone and the caller said this is so and so from Robersonville High School the first thing I said was "what did he do now?". I agree with the others on the grounding, it had zero effect in our case. If you can talk and get thru to him that is the way to go, as hard as it can be stay calm and think of what you want to say and how to say it (that was always the hard part for me I would get angry and have to walk away) yelling isn't the way to go. We had a zero tolerance rule on the controlled substance at our house. I found it one time on my son and I called the police. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done but he got the point.

Steve in NC

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Just got off the phone with DH... he was near the school. He said he is going to tell him that if he knows what is good for him he had better tell the school admin what they want to know, right then and there, or his punishment is going to be severe. He said he isn't going to tell him what that punishment will be until after he makes his choice. He also said he is going to kick his "donkey" if he doesn't straighten up.

DH has a doctor's appointment this afternoon that DS gets to accompany him to. Ahhh, the joy of being a 16 year old having to be treated like a 3 year old.

 

[SarahFair]

You need to come down on him and come down hard this time..
Grounding hasnt worked and has never worked from what I have seen. My cousin would be grounded weeks to months at a time spending most of her teen years in her room talking about how much she hated her mom and playing Eminem LOUDLY throughout the house.


Youve already told him once. You shouldnt have to tell him again.
Homeschool him for the rest of the year or sign him up for some community service (maybe washing police cars

)



I was never grounded as a child and feel that grounding only lets them sit and become creative about new ways to get back at parents

Kids need to be out and learning. What are they going to learn sitting in a 10x10 room for 2 months?

 

[Robin'sBrood]

We just had a discussion with him last night about being grounded. He has lost his phone and all computer privileges and since he has a new girlfriend that he can't communicate with, except at school, this grounding is hurting him. We explained that we do not enjoy punishing him but he had been told that if he was caught doing what he had been caught doing before, 2 months was the consequences. We also explained, again, that that is how life is. I don't want to spend time in jail so I don't do what I'm not supposed to do... to keep myself out of there. Same difference here. If he wants to have the privilege of FREEDOM, then he has to act responsibly or he loses that privilege. So, not keeping him grounded is not going to be an option.

 

[SarahFair]

Robin'sBrood :

We just had a discussion with him last night about being grounded. He has lost his phone and all computer privileges and since he has a new girlfriend that he can't communicate with, except at school, this grounding is hurting him. We explained that we do not enjoy punishing him but he had been told that if he was caught doing what he had been caught doing before, 2 months was the consequences. We also explained, again, that that is how life is. I don't want to spend time in jail so I don't do what I'm not supposed to do... to keep myself out of there. Same difference here. If he wants to have the privilege of FREEDOM, then he has to act responsibly or he loses that privilege. So, not keeping him grounded is not going to be an option.

So just last night you "grounded" him on a couple items and today he took further action getting into more trouble and youre just going to ground him more?​

 

[Wildsky]

Robin'sBrood :

We just had a discussion with him last night about being grounded. He has lost his phone and all computer privileges and since he has a new girlfriend that he can't communicate with, except at school, this grounding is hurting him. We explained that we do not enjoy punishing him but he had been told that if he was caught doing what he had been caught doing before, 2 months was the consequences. We also explained, again, that that is how life is. I don't want to spend time in jail so I don't do what I'm not supposed to do... to keep myself out of there. Same difference here. If he wants to have the privilege of FREEDOM, then he has to act responsibly or he loses that privilege. So, not keeping him grounded is not going to be an option.

Figure out something that will work for you all, where you can lift the "grounding". Let him for example work on the yard or (?) and each hour or so of work will life XYZ amount off the grounding.
Or perhaps tell him he can use the phone for 20 minutes if he does all the laundry or whatever. Let him WORK to get those things back. It will let him know that you are reasonable, and understand his needs, at the same time he'll know you are still angry with him, but are treating it as an adult would.

I'm sure you can figure out something that will work for you guys and your situation.​

 

[BirdMom]

I vote for homeschooling him. (We homeschool too.)

If he's 16, grounding him probably isn't going to be very effective. I think by the time they are 16 they're going to do whatever they want, regardless of the consequences. They should be acting like adults by that time, imo, maybe it's just my family is weird that way, but by the time we were sixteen my parents expected us to have jobs, buy our own cars, pay our own insurance, make our own decisions, etc. They did that with all fifteen of us kids! It worked well. Most of us were in college by age 17. One sis is graduating with a Bachelors in Biology at 19. If we're expected to be able to be mature enough to vote for the President at age 18, I think we should be mature enough to make other major decisions by then.

Probably what's going to work the best is to have several discussions with him, probably long ones, and talk to him more like he's an adult than a child. Try to see his side of the story, remember what those teen years were like for you, tell him a bit about your teen years and maybe some mistakes and bad decisions you made and the consequences of those. There's usually a reason for them rebelling, more than just simple peer pressure. Sheer boredom with school and life (in which case it's probably time he got a job to learn responsibility and keep him busy) or feeling unloved or misunderstood, stuff like that. No matter how much we show and tell our kids how much we love them, they don't always feel it, I think it's just how their brains are wired at that age. But speaking calmly with him and treating him more like an adult I think will go a long way toward helping him understand the gravity of the situation.

Good luck!

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Quote:
No, he was asking if there was anything he could do to get himself ungrounded, which is why we had the whole punishment discussion with him, again. He was grounded for getting in trouble here at home, not for something he did at school. So now he has gone and gotten himself suspended from school ON TOP of being grounded at home.

He is too old to be acting out at the thought of having another new sibling, right? To be sure....


BTW, I have a 21 year old son and we had our moments with him too, so this isn't the first time we've been on the teenage rebellion road.... but this kid is very different than my older son... not nearly as mature for his age, and he is much more of a "follower" than my older son ever was. This kid is the kind that does something and THEN thinks about it... which is very scary.

 

[Cetawin]

I did not read all of the replies but I can tell you a technique that worked for me with my head strong daughter. Grounding alone was not cutting it, so I took everything out of her room except her dresser, bed, clothing, nightstand (which was emptied) and lamp. I blocked access to the TV, I killed all phone privileges and she was grounded until her behavior in school came up to par (this ended up being 3 months 3 weeks). She got up, went to school, came home, sat on her bed, ate dinner, showered and went to bed. That was it!

As I explained to her...she had very few things she was responsible for doing..

1. Go to school and do the best that she was capable of
2. Behave and be respectful
3. Keep her room tidy

I had the responsibility to keep a roof over head, keep her clothed, feed her and provide medical care when necessary...above those thing, my responsibilities were NOTTA and anything above that was my choice. As she chose to fall short on her three responsibilities, I saw no need to do anything for her above what I had to. I took her stuff out to the storage building and locked it up, I refused to listen to the whining reminding her that ONLY her actions would change the situation and I did not give in.

She was 8 at the time and now as a 13 year old she is very responsible, gets good grades and applies herself and gets her "responsibilities" taken care of.

A similar approach worked for my son when he was 16.

I fully believe that just as I have legal and moral obligations to my children, they also have obligations to me which are simple...follow the rules, conduct yourself appropriately, do the best you can do in school, do your chores (which are few) and NEVER lie. I have zero tolerance for dishonesty and I mean zero!

My pediatrician once told me that all kids go through a period of time where their brain cells die and that is called "being a teenager" but that those brain cells eventually grown back.

Good luck.