- Jul 26, 2010
- 2,969
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- 171
I feel comfortable that while a few dumb comments can anger a person, as long as others are supportive the person will manage well.
Fathers often have a very tough time. They're supposed to be so strong and be the leader, and they often do not know what to do. It is actually difficult to be supportive AND help lead a partner toward the future.
I am not sure that the loss of a child before term or at term, has been really well understood by many health care givers, until very recently.
Even today, I think some people are strangely stubborn about understanding the impact of such a loss.
For centuries, the loss of a child before term or at term was very common, and there simply wasn't anything to be done about it. Because of that and the position of women in most societies, I think women were pressured to get back to work quickly and their feelings were ignored and brushed aside.
Today, I think people are starting to recognize how deep a feeling such a loss can bring. It's very important to allow normal grieving and recognize those feelings.
I am also sure that feelings HAVE changed over the centuries. Today, with all the help medical aid can provide, we are really very shocked and surprised when something happens that cannot be stopped or helped. What may have been accepted with quiet resignation centuries ago, now takes us completely by surprise. We simply aren't prepared for 'I'm sorry, but there was nothing I could do'.
I believe that parents often assume a great burden of guilt when this happens. 'Oh if only I had taken more vitamins', or 'Oh if only I hadn't gone on vacation then'. I feel that the guilt makes the loss even harder to deal with.
Doctors, at least most of them, have already changed radically in how they dealt with these losses. In the past it was treated very brusquely and quickly and the focus was all on 'trying again'.
The reason how these losses are dealt with hans changed, was that several studies emerged that indicated that ignoring or brushing off those feelings led to a lot of difficulty in people's lives. Long-term sadness, anger and frustration were commoner when the events were brushed away and grief was not dealt with directly and honestly.
Long ago, a friend of mine adopted a baby. She said, 'I changed one diaper, I touched her, NOW SHE'S MINE'. Ever since I saw that, I felt it simply isn't true that there is no grief or feeling of loss when a baby is lost before or at term. Women simply feel a strong and immediate sense of connection with their children.
There are so many hopes and expectations, a person starts to imagine how life will change with the new little person, even to picture the future events that one will enjoy. It's all of that that is lost as well.
Fathers often have a very tough time. They're supposed to be so strong and be the leader, and they often do not know what to do. It is actually difficult to be supportive AND help lead a partner toward the future.
I am not sure that the loss of a child before term or at term, has been really well understood by many health care givers, until very recently.
Even today, I think some people are strangely stubborn about understanding the impact of such a loss.
For centuries, the loss of a child before term or at term was very common, and there simply wasn't anything to be done about it. Because of that and the position of women in most societies, I think women were pressured to get back to work quickly and their feelings were ignored and brushed aside.
Today, I think people are starting to recognize how deep a feeling such a loss can bring. It's very important to allow normal grieving and recognize those feelings.
I am also sure that feelings HAVE changed over the centuries. Today, with all the help medical aid can provide, we are really very shocked and surprised when something happens that cannot be stopped or helped. What may have been accepted with quiet resignation centuries ago, now takes us completely by surprise. We simply aren't prepared for 'I'm sorry, but there was nothing I could do'.
I believe that parents often assume a great burden of guilt when this happens. 'Oh if only I had taken more vitamins', or 'Oh if only I hadn't gone on vacation then'. I feel that the guilt makes the loss even harder to deal with.
Doctors, at least most of them, have already changed radically in how they dealt with these losses. In the past it was treated very brusquely and quickly and the focus was all on 'trying again'.
The reason how these losses are dealt with hans changed, was that several studies emerged that indicated that ignoring or brushing off those feelings led to a lot of difficulty in people's lives. Long-term sadness, anger and frustration were commoner when the events were brushed away and grief was not dealt with directly and honestly.
Long ago, a friend of mine adopted a baby. She said, 'I changed one diaper, I touched her, NOW SHE'S MINE'. Ever since I saw that, I felt it simply isn't true that there is no grief or feeling of loss when a baby is lost before or at term. Women simply feel a strong and immediate sense of connection with their children.
There are so many hopes and expectations, a person starts to imagine how life will change with the new little person, even to picture the future events that one will enjoy. It's all of that that is lost as well.
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