Anyone have teenage to early 20's sons or got past those years? Wisdom

[Cowgirlgrace]

Wondering if anyone out there has teen to 20's sons or been through those years and have wisdom to share? Discussions about respect etc just seem to go nowhere. I try and just keep plugging away to try and teach them. I am willing to let them live their own lives and suffer consequenses they have created when they are out on their own but issues come up when they are needing some help and of course we help. Let them move back home. Hmmm, do they ever see the light? I have done my best but doesn't seem good enough. I am flabbergasted with this age and their attitudes. Want to blame it on outside influences but can't help but feel I have failed in some way. Anyone?

 

[Katy]

I survived 2 sons reaching adulthood...they are now 34 and 31. Lots of trying times with both of them and there were times I didn't know if we'd all survive it. There were many times I asked myself what I had done wrong.....wasn't anything I did or didn't do tho, just them having to find their own way in life. I was lucky in that even thru the worst of it with them they always had a steady job and worked hard and weren't just out hanging around. They are both now married with kids and doing well in their lives. Lucky for me my third child, a daughter was a breeze compare to them!!!

 

[PineappleMama]

My Bro A came from the most normal home you can imagine... and I'll just say he hasn't made the smartest choices... overrode both nature AND nurture to become that man.

My Bro P came from an abusive, alcoholic, mental illness household and he's a hard working, respectful, decent man... overrode both nature AND nurture to become that man.

From what I've seen there is no set formula, genetically or social/nurture wise, that will make a person be anything. They'll either take their parents example (and genes) and do the same, or they'll take their example and do the opposite... some gray area, but not much. Both my Bros have done the opposite... for one that was a good thing... for the other, not so much. It's WEIRD.. and wholly unpredictable.

But, yours is still young, STILL developing physically and mentally, so no way to know for sure what kind of man he'll be when he actually gets there. Not that that is in the least bit comforting but if you aren't happy with his current choices there is still hope that time and experience will make him choose to change his course.

I am NOT looking forward to those years... but I better buck up because our DS is 12 already.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

A persons brain does not stop developing until they are in their mid twenties. The last to develop is the frontal lobes, which is the reasoning part of the brain. Nevermind that is just developing, no telling when it actually starts FUNCTIONING

Point is this...everybody is an idiot at this age! Just do what ya have to to get through it as safe as possible.

 

[Cowgirlgrace]

I don't have any girls. My sister got them all. I know she has her moments with them but after the boys I just love those girls. My neice is pregnant with a girl and we are so excited. I don't know if it's the boy thing or this day and age but I would never had even considered disrespecting my parents like my boys do us. I don't let any of it go with out mentioning it because I don't want to let them think I have relaxed my values. They seem to think respecting your elders is a thing of the past. Old fashioned. And I'm not super strict. Just holding my ground while trying to let them become their own person. People keep telling us it will pass, I just don't know how I can make it through without being a complete wreck of a person. Respect when I was growing up was just automatic. It was never questioned. I just don't get why they think the way they do.

 

[redhen]

People will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you.

 

[can you hear me now?]

Lol sorry to sound jovial but I have a rather large 14 year old and right now as always it still seems to be the main focus. My saying is we can teach.them all we k.ow and then some but the fact of the matter is, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Sorry to use the adage but I was a pretty hard headed young man once myself, until they are ready to use what they have learned, there will be frustration. All I can say is patience is a virtue. Good luck

 

[Cowgirlgrace]

Thanks everyone. I think I'm so emotional right now is my son and I had a text conversation yesterday evening that really left me drained. I came up from the chickens and there was a card and gift on the counter from my husband and come to find out it was our anniversary!!!! and I completely lost it. For the record, we are now even because he had also forgotten it before but I couldn't believe it. My son had me so worked up and not just that evening, this has been going on and since he moved back home so completely took my mind off so many other things including my anniversary. His girlfriend ended up reading his texts and she texted me from her phone APOLOGIZING for him! Go figure. I told her I was really having a hard time with the 'issue' and how difficult it was to be the only girl living with so much testosterone! She said she totally understands and is there for me. Can you believe it? I'm the adult. She is 17. She's so sweet.

 

[arabianequine]

Going through this now my self and I don't really know what to say....I just deal with things as they happen. I wish all of the bad and hard to deal with stuff was over already. I have my son 17 at home still and he is so hard to keep on the right path. I have him working on getting his GED. After the new year he will be entered into job corp at this point. He does turn 18 in a couple weeks so he can change his mind. He has a lot of learning and mental disabilities. He won't listen or seem logical at all and very mouthy. My husbands 2 girls.....are 18 and 20 and living at their moms and won't talk to use or come see us. It is very hard to deal with. I hope they all grow up some day and be responsible/successful member of society for them selves if nothing else. I guess only time will tell. We are starting to focus on what we want to do and make plans for that. It is very obvious they know it all and don't need any help from us. We will be working on getting property somewhere warm to go to in the winter. We have property we can sell here. We will start that process in the spring. I am told they will come around some day. It is hard to forget all the mistreatment though and then when they do come around everything is just suppose to be all peachy. We are hurt and mad now at the girls. They wanna be adults so much and have all the privileges of an adult but don't act like one, won't support them selves, don't even call or visit, and not even on their dads birthday. As long as they have someone to keep enabling them to be that way they will. It is really hard to hold them accountable and enforce rules when they know they don't have to and that is all that matters to them. They will run from their problems instead of changing for the better. We are the bad guys cause we wanted more for them than that and would not let them be that way so they went somewhere else they can do it. There mom is more their friend not a good role model.

If you ever need to talk pm me...good luck!

 

[sourland]

My son was no problem whatsoever, but as for my daughter- This child who was my best bud and a real daddy's girl reached a point where I am sure she hated me, and I didn't like her very much. It's all part of asserting their independence. There can be a fine line between loving and enabling. At that age they are responsible for their choices and need to deal with the repercussions. It's all part of growing up. Good luck, this too shall pass.