At my wits end with my 3 year old

[SarahFair]

My son has picked up sticking his tounge out at us, calling us stinky head, yelling while trying to get what he wants, and just being a general terror. My oldest son (2 years older) was NEVER like this.
I dont understand

Weve raised them the same way but my youngest (will be 4 in November) is just out of control.
Sometimes I wonder if people think we are bad parents..

When he yells I make him ask me in a calmer voice 'Mommy, may I please...'
But it still hasnt stopped (going on for WEEKS now)

I dont know what to do about the tounge issue. He does it at home AND in public.
He calls us meaners and stinky heads when we tell him to do something in public and private.

Honestly I dont even know where hes getting it from. We never have called anyone a meaner (or meanie) or a stinky head.
I dont know if its the neighbor kids (who have taught my kids to say 'Im not going to be your friend anymore if you dont do this')

Any suggestions??

 

[Dar]

I know I will get a lashing for this but when my oldest did this and my youngest did this (my middle child never did) we used to take him to his room calmly by the hand and look at him in the eye and tell him that i will not be spoken to like that and when he wants to use his manors he is more then welcome to come down from his room. If you want to continue to do this you will end up here..

he would come down and try the na na na na i am out and then tear through the house i would NOT chase him but get him when he was least expecting it and then take him back to his room BUT this time take something away. and repeated the process until it stopped.. my daughter it lasted about 2 weeks till she got the point when all she had left in her room was her bed 1 blanket and 1 pillow... she would eat her meals at the kitchen counter before everyone sat down to dinner.. if she was going to behave badly then she was not welcome.. it was her choice.... my son on the other hand we had to go as far as putting a chime on his door that would sound like the world was coming to an end before he got the hint i was not playing games .. I am such a mean mom that i even cancelled his birthday party .. I made him call up everyone... (it was family) and explain that he was not following the rules and mom decided not to have a party... it was shortly after that that he snapped out of it

Oh and as for the acting out in public... we always went over the rules before we left the house and before we left the car.. if the rules were broken I dont care where I was I left my buggy there and walked out of the store... they got the hint real fast that I take no poop ..

 

[PotterWatch]

Time-outs worked well with my kids. Supernanny style (though I didn't see supernanny until my kids were much older). It takes lots of consistency and patience, but it does work.

 

[TigerLilly]

Quote:
Although I never had this problem with any of mine, I like the way you think. Back in the day when spankings were the norm (& not considered child abuse), mine were raised to respect their elders & when they did wrong, they got a couple whacks, on the butt, with the belt (used my hand when they were younger). This action was taken when they were in public as well, if they acted out.
Not looking for any backlash on how I raised my kids, so don't waste your time--when my now adult children come to me & tell me they understand why they were raised the way they are & THANK ME for it, that's all i need. The older they got, the less spankings they got, simply because they were older & had STUFF to take away--tv, stereo, video games, etc. I took away all of it at one time for something my oldest boy did--and I made him carry it all out & it was locked in my room. Problem solved.
I know lots of people dont believe in spanking, but personally, I do. A well-timed, well-placed swat on the rear-end WILL make a younger child stand up & take notice. And that's really all it needs to be--an attention-getter. If nothing else works, what DO you DO? Trying to reason with a 3 yr old is easier said than done...jmho...

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Anyone who talks about the terrible twos never raised a three year old!

Firm, consistent, consequences. Clear concise stated calmly and executed no matter the cost. Each time and every time. I know there are moments when you appreciate why some species eat their young! But, you're a good parent. Listen to your heart. You know he's obviously a very good kid, bright and energetic and he knows very well that he is loved. (Can you imagine calling the enormous beings who provide your every need in life a stinkyhead if you weren't dang certain they would take care of you anyway?? LOL!)

It will not hurt him to find out that that love is unconditional but all of the other things he wants are conditional.

 

[piecemaker]

Quote:
Mine were raised with the spank on the bottum and knew it would happen no matter where we were. There is a difference between spanking and abuse. DD uses a mix of time out and spanking, depending on the behavior. Like tiger lilly said reasoning with a 3 year old (or any age) is hard at times.

 

[Dar]

Quote:
Although I never had this problem with any of mine, I like the way you think. Back in the day when spankings were the norm (& not considered child abuse), mine were raised to respect their elders & when they did wrong, they got a couple whacks, on the butt, with the belt (used my hand when they were younger). This action was taken when they were in public as well, if they acted out.
Not looking for any backlash on how I raised my kids, so don't waste your time--when my now adult children come to me & tell me they understand why they were raised the way they are & THANK ME for it, that's all i need. The older they got, the less spankings they got, simply because they were older & had STUFF to take away--tv, stereo, video games, etc. I took away all of it at one time for something my oldest boy did--and I made him carry it all out & it was locked in my room. Problem solved.
I know lots of people dont believe in spanking, but personally, I do. A well-timed, well-placed swat on the rear-end WILL make a younger child stand up & take notice. And that's really all it needs to be--an attention-getter. If nothing else works, what DO you DO? Trying to reason with a 3 yr old is easier said than done...jmho...

My oldest son is now 19 and thanks me for the way i handled things.. there is nothing I cant stand more then a screaming child in a store... my middle child now 14 and may DD (defiant daughter) is 9 and when we are in Walmart and there is a screaming child they ask to go sit in the car..lol

we were in walmart back to school shopping and there was this little one about 4 bouncing from clothes rack to clothes rack until he ran right out and wacked into a lady in an electric wheel chair.. the mom told the lady off in the chair cause she should have watched where she was going

and my middle child spoke up enough so ppl could hear him but not enough to make a scene and said... this is why children should be on leashes... there were a few that found it amusing.. but the mom didnt .. lol

 

[lockedhearts]

Well, my sister and I were both pretty bad sometimes, of course keep in mind, in my case I was 3, oh about 45 years ago....... We or should I say me only got two spankings in my life. Were my parents bad, heck no, I knew where the line was and what the consequences were.
My step-sons were older when they came to live with me and the Ex. So, much as in Dar's suggestions I raised them this way. They talked back, were rude in public and generally Brats! The oldest one slept on the floor of his room (carpeted) with a blanket and pillow and went without clean underwear for a couple of weeks. The youngest never got that bad, but did loose his bed frame and had just a mattress.
It was shortly after that, they both changed their tune. That was many years ago, the oldest has 2 kids of his own, he still tells me that I am the reason he is a better parent.....

Whatever you decide the consequences to the actions should be, stick to it for the length of time you set.

 

[TigerLilly]

Quote:
Watching other people's kids in public is EXACTLY the reason my children appreciate their upbringing! I always thought it was great to have strangers compliment me for disciplining my boys in public or commenting on how well-behaved they were, but it's soooo much more gratifying hearing the praise from my own (adult) kids.

 

[SarahFair]

Yall have some funny stories..

I know consistency is the key but sometimes they can make you doubt yourself.

Once one of my boys was acting up in the store (lucky we were in an empty isle) and I pulled the back end of his britches down and gave him a whop on the fanny. When I looked up there was a dad with his daughter beaming ear to ear (like a been there done that kinda smile).



Behind closed doors sometimes, I just want to fall to my knees and ask God for his mercy!
This little one I can tell wont be so book smart (like my oldest). Oh no, hes got some whit behind him that will make a middle age man come to his knees.
Whoooo and that stubborness..
Golly, I only hope he puts it all to good use.