Coronavirus, Covid 19 Discussion and How It Has Affected Your Daily Life Chat Thread

[Beer can]

MROO, I'm not in the same place as your kid but I went through a relatable list of BS from my own family. I have some serious history there I won't lay on you right now.
The best possible thing you can do for this kid is be on his side and do everything you can to make sure you're there for him. And if he reaches out to you, do your best to find professional consistent help while trying to respect boundaries and give him time to process. And most importantly, listen to what he says and believe him - not because you don't like the parents but because he said he lived through it.
I can't even BEGIN to tell you how valuable even one person in my family being there and being supportive towards me would have been. If he comes around, it matters a lot that you're there to listen and support. i really hope he does for you.
Also, with regards to suicidal thoughts... It's important you don't just out people for the reasons you've experienced... When suicide prevention hotlines get calls they're rarely responding with "Get help don't do it go tell the cops/whatever". They instead just sit on the line and talk to someone. They don't try to talk them out of it - they just listen and talk to them. They do everything to believe them and make them feel cared for or slightly normal. The reality is hard - if someone is going to try to kill themselves the only way to stop it is to have someone physically stop them which can be traumatizing in and of itself and create fear of speaking out or reaching out for help. So professionals know that the best possible way to get someone away from that metaphorical ledge is to make a space where it's safe for them to talk about it and feel heard. Make sure you exercise caution around it, and just make sure he knows he can come to you if he needs without being traumatized all over again.
I have WAY too much direct experience with this stuff unfortunately... I hope it ends up working out for everyone in your family in the long run.

A second family is worth more than anyone will know.

 

[ChocolateMouse]

A second family is worth more than anyone will know.

This is extremely true and I'm grateful for the people I have given how little of my blood family I am in contact with for my own safety at this point. <3

 

[lovesfarms]

A second family is worth more than anyone will know.

Good luck and God bless you for trying so hard... One day at a time..

 

[FortCluck]

I'm so sorry things didn't go as planned! Vacations are supposed to get us away from stress, not add to it!

We're looking into the same thing (a camper) for the same reason ... the dogs. The issue I have is Crazy Dog. If she does to a camper window what she does to my wood-framed glass ones at home, I'm gonna need a tank ... not a camper. We're making serious progress with the squirt gun, but for now, she's a looooong way from camper-ready!

How's your pup, now? Better, I hope?

The beagle is okay. She’s still not the dog I dropped off. The puppy is way better today.

The dang cat forgot who we were after a week Took him 2 days to come see us and stop sticking his hair up at us

 

[MROO]

MROO, I'm not in the same place as your kid but I went through a relatable list of BS from my own family. I have some serious history there I won't lay on you right now.
The best possible thing you can do for this kid is be on his side and do everything you can to make sure you're there for him. And if he reaches out to you, do your best to find professional consistent help while trying to respect boundaries and give him time to process. And most importantly, listen to what he says and believe him - not because you don't like the parents but because he said he lived through it.
I can't even BEGIN to tell you how valuable even one person in/around my family being there and being supportive towards me would have been. If he comes around, it matters a lot that you're there to listen and support. i really hope he does for you.
Also, with regards to suicidal thoughts... It's important you don't just out people for the reasons you've experienced... It requires so much time and processing to get through that... When suicide prevention hotlines get calls they're rarely responding with "Get help don't do it go tell the cops/whatever". They instead just sit on the line and talk to someone. They don't try to talk them out of it - they just listen and talk to them. They do everything to believe them and make them feel cared for or slightly normal. The reality is hard - if someone is going to try to kill themselves the only way to stop it is to have someone physically stop them which can be traumatizing in and of itself and create fear of speaking out or reaching out for help. So professionals know that the best possible way to get someone away from that metaphorical ledge is to make a space where it's safe for them to talk about it and feel heard. Make sure you exercise caution around it, and just make sure he knows he can come to you if he needs without being traumatized all over again. Chances are good that mom would punish him massively for being depressed given that he's not allowed to even grieve. And yes, it can effect his career. It's so hard when you feel like so much is riding on you being well and you can't.

I have WAY too much direct experience with this stuff unfortunately... I hope it ends up working out for everyone in your family in the long run.

That's what I'm trying to do - be there for him. It's hard when his mother searches his room looking for the contraband phones his friends keep providing for him. He's lucky for those friends - they've kept him in contact with people who care. I've told him that, no matter what anyone tells him, he is always welcome in my home - whether he's dating my daughter or not - and that he matters to us, very much.
I've been there, too - as a kid. And the only reason I "outed him" to his mother is because the authorities weren't doing anything. My thought was that the mother bear instinct might trigger if she knew what was going on. I didn't realize that she was the reason the authorities weren't doing anything.

I haven't been in this thread for a long time and I don't know what the etiquette of jumping back in is, but if this kid is still under 18 there should be child welfare authorities who could jump in.

If he's close to 18 and there's some safe alternative place for him to live -- like those paternal grandparents -- he could apply to be emancipated.

If you have reason to believe he's in danger from them or from himself provide that information to the proper authorities. And if you know how to contact the paternal grandparents, maybe they'd be allies on their grandson's behalf.

His school should be able to point you to the authorities who would intervene and they may have seem some of the same jeopardy you have and be able to support his case.

Oh - and I did encourage him to reach out to his coach at school about the abuse. He did and was making a bit of progress, until Covid shut it all down. The School tended to side with Mom, but at least listened to him.

 

[Lilalienangel]

When I was at work yesterday and there must have been at least 10 people walk past me that were coughing and spluttering on

How'd that turn out for you? Are you ok?

 

[ShrekDawg]

That's what I'm trying to do - be there for him. It's hard when his mother searches his room looking for the contraband phones his friends keep providing for him. He's lucky for those friends - they've kept him in contact with people who care. I've told him that, no matter what anyone tells him, he is always welcome in my home - whether he's dating my daughter or not - and that he matters to us, very much.
I've been there, too - as a kid. And the only reason I "outed him" to his mother is because the authorities weren't doing anything. My thought was that the mother bear instinct might trigger if she knew what was going on. I didn't realize that she was the reason the authorities weren't doing anything.

Oh - and I did encourage him to reach out to his coach at school about the abuse. He did and was making a bit of progress, until Covid shut it all down. The School tended to side with Mom, but at least listened to him.

I don’t think that woman has any mother bear instinct sadly. seems she just wants something to control. I wonder if she even cares about them at all.

 

[MROO]

The beagle is okay. She’s still not the dog I dropped off. The puppy is way better today.

The dang cat forgot who we were after a week Took him 2 days to come see us and stop sticking his hair up at us

I wish I could find the video on the differences between cats and dogs reactions. I've looked all over for it, but it's eluding me. I'll keep looking ... It was a real gem!

 

[MROO]

I don’t think that woman has any mother bear instinct sadly. seems she just wants something to control. I wonder if she even cares about them at all.

I know it sounds crazy. but I feel for her, too. She's got some really deep-seated hurt inside her. She'd have to, to live such a painful double life. Her public persona is so together and friendly. Her home one is narcissistic, controlling and very disturbing. There are some nasty skeletons in that closet, I'm sure. I can't fix those .. but if I can help her son, I will.

 

[ShrekDawg]

I know it sounds crazy. but I feel for her, too. She's got some really deep-seated hurt inside her. She'd have to, to live such a painful double life. Her public persona is so together and friendly. Her home one is narcissistic, controlling and very disturbing. There are some nasty skeletons in that closet, I'm sure. I can't fix those .. but if I can help her son, I will.

Nah that doesn’t sound crazy! I feel for people too even if they’ve done me wrong or are bad or whatever. I know that something must have happened for them to be that way and have so much anger etc. And in this case it sounds like this woman most likely has a mental illness too? Some sort of dissociative identity or narcissistic personality disorder or something??? To be so split. I hope she gets the help she needs too as well as those kids and that husband