Dad Jokes😂

[Jester57]

I told the doctor it felt like I had 100 of those Irish line dancers pounding away in my chest.

He said my artery was probably clogged.

 

[Hayden Goseek]

I don't know where you got that opinion but

I hope you kept the receipt.

 

[Hayden Goseek]

Me: I didn't have time to jog this morning.

Her: You say that every morning.

Me: It's a running joke.

 

[Jester57]

If a federal prisoner removes an insect by a rapid finger movement…

is that an example of con flicked?

 

[Jester57]

Thank you for explaining how to pursue someone…

but I’m still not sure if I follow you.

 

[Jester57]

I tried writing down all the things that made me depressed or apathetic, but I never did.

Now I’m listless.

 

[Hayden Goseek]

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, chicken, and vegetable.

I hope to some day be a bouillionaire



Hat tip to @igorsMistress

 

[HorseGirlAbby]

I’m not a dad, but…

What do you call a Christmas joke that isn’t funny?

Spoiler

The first “no-LOL”

 

[Jester57]

The archaeological team uncovered the remains of an undercooked steak at their latest excavation.

It was a rare find.

 

[Jester57]

I just saw a cow with three horns.

Clearly, it was a mootation.