Depression?

[andreanar]

I don't have depression, but I have panic disorder. Ive been on Paxil for years. It was gone for so long, then Wham...back it came with a vengeance about 6 months ago. I'm so aware of every change in my body, if I feel the slightest increase in my pulse..it can trigger an all out panic attack. When they come I have to talk myself out of going to the emergency room (I get convinced I'm having a heart attack). Ive gone to the ER a few times and felt like a fool afterwards, especially because I am a nurse. I take Xanax when I feel it coming on. I go weeks and weeks without one then will have 3 in one week. Last night was a bad one.

The worst thing for me is that I used to be such a strong, fearless person. Someone who could do anything. Now, I feel like I cant trust myself not to have a breakdown while I am out in public doing something I'm responsible to do.

No one understands, they say..just stop it, its all in your head. Well, no duh!! If I could stop it...I would! The attacks cause physical symptoms: racing heart, palpitations, chest pain, trouble getting breath, sweating, shaking. And those don't even describe what is going on in my mind...absolute terror that I'm going to die. Last night it was so bad, I said to myself, just die already, I cant stand the anticipation that it is going to happen.

I have 2 sphinx cats, and my 5 month old great dane/irish wolfhound and of course my chickens that tend to calm me.

I truly sympathize with you all. Have a happy and peaceful day to all of you.

 

[rIrs roost]

I don't have depression, but I have panic disorder. Ive been on Paxil for years. It was gone for so long, then Wham...back it came with a vengeance about 6 months ago. I'm so aware of every change in my body, if I feel the slightest increase in my pulse..it can trigger an all out panic attack. When they come I have to talk myself out of going to the emergency room (I get convinced I'm having a heart attack). Ive gone to the ER a few times and felt like a fool afterwards, especially because I am a nurse. I take Xanax when I feel it coming on. I go weeks and weeks without one then will have 3 in one week. Last night was a bad one.

The worst thing for me is that I used to be such a strong, fearless person. Someone who could do anything. Now, I feel like I cant trust myself not to have a breakdown while I am out in public doing something I'm responsible to do.

No one understands, they say..just stop it, its all in your head. Well, no duh!! If I could stop it...I would! The attacks cause physical symptoms: racing heart, palpitations, chest pain, trouble getting breath, sweating, shaking. And those don't even describe what is going on in my mind...absolute terror that I'm going to die. Last night it was so bad, I said to myself, just die already, I cant stand the anticipation that it is going to happen.

I have 2 sphinx cats, and my 5 month old great dane/irish wolfhound and of course my chickens that tend to calm me.

I truly sympathize with you all. Have a happy and peaceful day to all of you.

I can't believe what I'm reading. If I think about my breathing to much My pulse gets faster and I become out of breath to the point that I'm gasping for breath. Is this what I'm experiencing? I honestly thought that it is my heart. And hating to get stuck with needles, I never go to the er. I'd rather die than to get stuck. Maybe I should tell my dr? @andreanar

 

[ChickenLady2014]

Lisa. Hope you feel better soon.

Oh yes. I always remind myself that I'm not the only one and there's people out there that has it a lot worse then me.

God I so feel like a big baby sometimes. I've finally started talking to someone about depression. She opens my eyes to some things. Other things I think that she wishes that she didn't open my eyes too.

That is truly one of the wort things. And even if a person hasn't even given you a reason to make you think that they don't believe you, I still feel as if they don't. Anyone one else feel like this? I know it sounds stupid but no matter what I do I can't help it.

Be glad you're not here now. It's so terrible here now. I think that's a big reason for the way that I feel right now. So hot and humid that I can't breathe good outside. I tried this morning to sit out with the chickens but it's impossible right. I've tried going outside at night. It's better but still feels like you're in a sweat room.

Sorry Red, we have been having very humid weather ourselves again this year, but that's usually with temps in the 80's. Occasionally we will hit the 90's. Cant even imagine how you do it. You've gotta talk Pearl into moving farther north where you can actually enjoy your chickens & outdoor time. Would depress the heck out of me if I had to be shut in the house all day. I'm with ya Red on thinking people don't believe you about your depression. I have such a bad taste in my mouth from a family doctor who destroyed my trust in anyone in the medical field. For years you were a hypochondriac if you were suffering with depression. They blamed everything on your depression. I think of the number of years I suffered so many painful migraine headaches that they blamed on my depression. Yes I was depressed, I could hardly get out of bed from battling one migraine after another. I can't remember a day I didn't have a headache even as a young child. Once I hit puberty they got much worse. So from the time I was 13ish until I was 42 & finally someone found out that I needed brain surgery. I lived thru h3ll. Darn doctors robbed me of lots of years for it "just being in my head" As you can imagine I no longer see that doctor, but he did so much harm. I had other medical conditions that went undiagnosed because of his belief that it was all in my head. Made me wish I had never told him I was depressed. I hear doctors are better about it now, but the damage has been done

 

[CapricornFarm]

Yes, but you can carry on. I went to the doctor today, she was very dismissive of my problems. She said, what do you want me to do, wrap you in bubble wrap? Guess i need to look for a new doctor. Got a nice bruise when i fell off the porch a few days ago.

 

[ChickenLady2014]

I don't have depression, but I have panic disorder. Ive been on Paxil for years. It was gone for so long, then Wham...back it came with a vengeance about 6 months ago. I'm so aware of every change in my body, if I feel the slightest increase in my pulse..it can trigger an all out panic attack. When they come I have to talk myself out of going to the emergency room (I get convinced I'm having a heart attack). Ive gone to the ER a few times and felt like a fool afterwards, especially because I am a nurse. I take Xanax when I feel it coming on. I go weeks and weeks without one then will have 3 in one week. Last night was a bad one.

The worst thing for me is that I used to be such a strong, fearless person. Someone who could do anything. Now, I feel like I cant trust myself not to have a breakdown while I am out in public doing something I'm responsible to do.

No one understands, they say..just stop it, its all in your head. Well, no duh!! If I could stop it...I would! The attacks cause physical symptoms: racing heart, palpitations, chest pain, trouble getting breath, sweating, shaking. And those don't even describe what is going on in my mind...absolute terror that I'm going to die. Last night it was so bad, I said to myself, just die already, I cant stand the anticipation that it is going to happen.

I have 2 sphinx cats, and my 5 month old great dane/irish wolfhound and of course my chickens that tend to calm me.

I truly sympathize with you all. Have a happy and peaceful day to all of you.

Wow, that would be so hard so very sorry. My teenage granddaughter suffers PTSD & severe panic attacks. She has gotten a lot better than she was, but she also struggles with depression. Genetics sure can deal you a miserable hand sometimes. Hugs & prayers for you.

 

[ChickenLady2014]

Yes, but you can carry on. I went to the doctor today, she was very dismissive of my problems. She said, what do you want me to do, wrap you in bubble wrap? Guess i need to look for a new doctor. Got a nice bruise when i fell off the porch a few days ago.

Yep Capri, it's time to find a new one. You deserve more respect than that. That's criminal on her part, life isn't always black & white. Not everyone can fit in the box. We are not cookie cutter humans & she should be ashamed of her actions.

 

[ChickenLady2014]

Yes, but you can carry on. I went to the doctor today, she was very dismissive of my problems. She said, what do you want me to do, wrap you in bubble wrap? Guess i need to look for a new doctor. Got a nice bruise when i fell off the porch a few days ago.

Ouch, that must have hurt!

 

[andreanar]

I can't believe what I'm reading. If I think about my breathing to much My pulse gets faster and I become out of breath to the point that I'm gasping for breath. Is this what I'm experiencing? I honestly thought that it is my heart. And hating to get stuck with needles, I never go to the er. I'd rather die than to get stuck. Maybe I should tell my dr? @andreanar

It surely could be. When I start to feel like I am not breathing right, it will kick my heart rate up then wham the whole attack comes. It can also go the other way too, my heart rate kicks up, then my breathing then the attack starts. Its totally insane!!

 

[drumstick diva]

I am 70 now. Have been depressed most of my life but didn't know it. Family said I was just lazy or faking. Even though my sister had panic attacks and was depressed (I considered her the only normal one in the family, " her "symptoms were genuine. My problems were all in my head - DUH yes they were.

My father always blamed me for being the screwball in the family. He had severe anger issues. My mom had agoraphobia(we didn't know the name then) and panic attacks which she said were caused by her iron pills. . My sister's two daughters both had panic attacks. Gee I must have infected them - like chickens bringing Black head disease to turkeys.

Every one including family doctor said i should just "pull myself together," "think happy thoughts," and stop dragging everyone else down. At one point when my sister was having her acute depression, she said she couldn't talk to me because I depressed HER so much.

People don't WILL themselves to be depressed anymore than people choose to be diabetic, or have thyroid trouble.

 

[CapricornFarm]

I don't have depression, but I have panic disorder. Ive been on Paxil for years. It was gone for so long, then Wham...back it came with a vengeance about 6 months ago. I'm so aware of every change in my body, if I feel the slightest increase in my pulse..it can trigger an all out panic attack. When they come I have to talk myself out of going to the emergency room (I get convinced I'm having a heart attack). Ive gone to the ER a few times and felt like a fool afterwards, especially because I am a nurse. I take Xanax when I feel it coming on. I go weeks and weeks without one then will have 3 in one week. Last night was a bad one.

The worst thing for me is that I used to be such a strong, fearless person. Someone who could do anything. Now, I feel like I cant trust myself not to have a breakdown while I am out in public doing something I'm responsible to do.

No one understands, they say..just stop it, its all in your head. Well, no duh!! If I could stop it...I would! The attacks cause physical symptoms: racing heart, palpitations, chest pain, trouble getting breath, sweating, shaking. And those don't even describe what is going on in my mind...absolute terror that I'm going to die. Last night it was so bad, I said to myself, just die already, I cant stand the anticipation that it is going to happen.

I have 2 sphinx cats, and my 5 month old great dane/irish wolfhound and of course my chickens that tend to calm me.

I truly sympathize with you all. Have a happy and peaceful day to all of you.

It is the worst feeling because people think you can just control it because it happens in your head. My husband thinks i should be able to control my itching poison ivy by just ignoring it. Not! I used to get so depressed when i worked as a dog groomer, i would just sit on the floor, clipping a dog with tears running down my face. The manager said you can't do that here. So much for sympathy. I never did like that company much, even when i became the manager myself.