Dog Lovers, What would you do?

[mekasmom]

I have four children and have gone through this many times. It is just a rite of passage. Kids grow up, and their pets always stay children even when they move on. I have had them take them, bring them back, take them again, and bring them back intermittently for us to "babysit". It's just the way it is. The dogs actually do Ok because they have such a capacity to love others. It's our hearts that get hurt with the yo-yo. Eventually the dogs have all ended up at permanent homes, usually here. I guess since these are my own kids not step kids, I don't feel anger over it. It's just the way it is. And it happens to many people in life.

 

[3goodeggs]

My mother in law said that the saddest day of her life was when her little boy left for college...and took the DOG!

 

[ScaredOfShadows]

Your completely in the right in my opinion. I agree with a previous poster - make SD understand that she can not have it both ways and she needs a PERMENANT situation until the end of the school year for the dog. If she has someone she is SURE will keep the dog till then - so be it...If not and she says the dog stays 'home' with you, then tell her under no uncertain terms that if you are going to care for the dog then the dog is yours and not hers to make decisions over. She is now legally an adult and she has to understand that life isn't all daisies and roses, and that she can not have her cake and eat it too. Tell her if she doesn't want to agree to the dog becoming yours and not hers then tell her she needs to arrange that PERMENANT situation she said she couldn't manage. Make her understand that 1. its not good for the dog and 2. you are not going to deal with her childishness.

Good luck, and that pup is absolutely ADORABLE!!!!

 

[redhen]

Quote:
What she said..

 

[herefordlovinglady]

The dog made it home last night. DH went to visit SD and he brought her back. I guess I would not have as much of problem with this if i felt the dog was being taken care of. The problem is SD lives in the dorm and had the dog at a friends house. I would assume that, unless SD was living with this friend (which it is mandatory they live in the dorm and DH is paying for a dorm room), the friend would of been the caretaker of the dog.

When I left home I took my dogs with me, but I would always take them back to mom and dads everyday when i went to work (doggie day care). My dad loved getting to have them with him during the day and the dogs loved going to gran and pops!

As far as I am concerned it is a happy ending.

 

[cutechick2010]

Quote:
Nope, sorry, have to disagree with this. Disregarding the stress/feelings of your pet is not any kind of rite of passage. Regardless of the person's age, if they don't have a stable home (which most college age kids don't) then it is a bad idea for them to take on a pet they can't provide for properly. Just because the dog is not able to speak up and say they are stressed out doesn't mean they aren't feeling it. As a parent, I feel that a big part of my job is to make sure my kids understand that their actions can have painful consequences for others besides themselves. After all, if they can't sympathize with the pets they have raised and loved, how will they be able to sympathize with the feelings of the other people around them?

 

[Chicken Chickita]

I completely agree with everyone that stated how it is a potentially bad situation for the dog to be moved from place to place. I also agree that she should learn that she has a responsibility to any pet she takes on, which includes making sure that everyone in the family is on board and making sure the pet is provided a stable home. That said, she might also not have considered that you and others in the family will have grown attached to the dog. Often young people think of their parents (step or otherwise) as being the inforcers of rules, authority, people to rebel against, people they love, people who love them, etc....., but overlook them as individuals whose feelings about a wide range of things (that is, things other than them and each other) need to be considered. Its a good chance for her to practice empathy if you tell her clearly that a) its potentially not good for the dog, b) she needs to ensure a pet has a stable home before getting it) and c) that you have grown attached to this dog and removing it makes not only worry about the dog but sad because you miss it. This is a "human angle" she may not have considered.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Dogs adjust to and 'get stressed from' whatever their owners want them to adjust to or 'get stress from'.

All my life, dogs never minded being 'uprooted', so I don't see any problem. I don't see any dog that gets 'stressed' by going to Mom's during school and off with daughter in the summer. I am very capable, thank you, of noticing stress in dogs. The symptoms are obvious.

If the dog going with her when she can have it and staying with you when she can't is a problem for you personally, admit it, but I don't see any fundamental problem in the nature of dogs that would preclude it moving around. I don't see any problem with the dog going back and forth if SD and SMom both treat it well. Dogs do it all the time. And suffer no consequences. My own dogs did same when I was in college. Quiet time on the couch eating birthday cake with Mom, and exciting times with the daughter going backpacking and hiking.

If on the other hand it makes SMom feel used to just take the dog any time SD wants or that SD is being irresponsible to hand the dog off to SMom now and again, then that's another matter.

Personally, I think the daughter was originally given the choice to either get a dog or not, and was allowed initially to get a dog before college, so I don't see how she is at fault at this point. She was given a choice, she got a dog. Most college housing doesn't allow dogs, and I think kids do better if they live in the dorm or off campus housing than at home. They more suffer the consequences of their actions, and don't continue to rely on their parents as much. Unless the family is very careful with their young adults they get too dependent.

My own attitude toward it is that in a few years, SD will be out of college, and most likely, the dog will stay home with mom, because most cheap housing after college ALSO doesn't allow dogs either. Only either very poor or very expensive housing allows dogs. The trend today is for apartments to be much stricter about animals.

So why get a dog right before college? Most parents wouldn't encourage it because they don't want the dog dropped off with them whenever.

So why does the average young person crave a dog right before college?

Because people get comfort from dogs. A mom alone without the kids might get some comfort from taking the dog for walks and having something to fuss over. Sometimes for a young adult, the only anchor they have is that unconditional love from that dog. If they can be with the dog in summer or on vacation, it gives some shape to their lives and some sort of continuity.

Sometimes a pet is not just a pet. It brings comfort and helps a person make a transition in their life.

And dogs, pretty much, are happy to help out, and plenty flexible enough to live with Mom or Step Daughter.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Nope, sorry, have to disagree with this. Disregarding the stress/feelings of your pet is not any kind of rite of passage. Regardless of the person's age, if they don't have a stable home (which most college age kids don't) then it is a bad idea for them to take on a pet they can't provide for properly. Just because the dog is not able to speak up and say they are stressed out doesn't mean they aren't feeling it. As a parent, I feel that a big part of my job is to make sure my kids understand that their actions can have painful consequences for others besides themselves. After all, if they can't sympathize with the pets they have raised and loved, how will they be able to sympathize with the feelings of the other people around them?

 

[redhen]

Quote:
The dog wasnt living with the SD at college.. it was pawned off at the SD friends house... the SD didnt even live with the dog when she took it from the house...
The SD lived in the dorms..and she left the dog with some "friends"...