Fattie's big fat RANT

[Oregon Blues]

I agree that what the husband did was emotional abuse and way out of line.

However, I find it a bit alarming that so many announced that physical violence was the proper response. Punching your husband, throwing mashed potatoes or a glass of tea into his face is also spousal abuse.

It's really not OK for the husband to be using emotional spousal abuse, but neither is it OK for the wife to be using physical spousal abuse.

And no, it was not out of line to advise Fattie to learn what her legal rights are. If the husband is planning on leaving, sitting around in ignorance doesn't stop him. It just makes it easier for him. Learning your legal rights does not mean that one must then divorce. There is nothing wrong with gaining knowledge about whatever laws pertain to you. Knowing does not equate to mandatory action.

 

[Judy]

Closed for cleanup.

 

[Judy]

OK, reopening. Here is a list of rules that were broken here:

Be friendly and courteous to all members at all times.

1. No Flaming (verbally attacking people or groups of people - e.g. a profession, an organization, a company.)
2. No Trolling (posting to provoke others, luring them to flame or rant). Trolling is sometimes done involuntarily, so please be considerate when posting.
3. No teasing, mocking, ridiculing, or otherwise making fun at other member's expense.
4. No Fighting. Taking a personal conflict to the forum is unacceptable. "I'm right, you're wrong" threads and posts will be edited or deleted.

Folks, if you have a different opinion, simply state your opinion. Do not attack the person you don't agree with.

We will lock or quite possibly remove this thread if you can't keep your comments civil.

 

[epeloquin]

Fair enough.

 

[Cass]

epeloquin this was a rant by a person who was hurt by the words her husband who should love and treasure her and instead felt the need to bully and hurt her.

The best thing you can do at this point is NOT throw salt on her wounds. If you want to start a thread on what you as a minister think is a woman's role in the home, you should do that.

But allow her to feel hurt, because she has the right to.

x2.1415 (the pie is for the OP....maybe it'll help her feel a little better to have a little something sweet in her life)


edited for a silly spelling error

 

[ginasmarans]

It really is a shame that those we love tend to be the ones we hurt. I hope things get better for you and your family.

 

[GaNewChick]

I happen to agree with epeloquin. I don't see that he has spoken out of line and actually offered some good advice in suggesting the book, which is all it was ~ a suggestion. She can read it, or not read it.

The reason I agree is because I think you might be kind of opening the door up by referring to yourself as "Fattie". Is this a joke, does it really refer to your weight or does it have to do with something else. Do you refer to yourself under that name outside of this forum? Should he have said it...no ~ but, only you know whether its time to run and get a divorce or seek counseling based on his comment. Its really hard for people to know what to say when you are only getting one side of the story. And in my opinion, is unfair to him and you to come here and rant and everyone jumps on the band wagon to bash him when we are not hearing both sides. Honestly, we don't know the inside details of your marriage, and its not fair to either of you to chime in on divorce, counseling, hitting him, walking out, revenge, etc.

When its appropriate, sit down and talk it out. Communication is the only thing that will fix this.

Best of luck!

 

[un-named]

I'm curious as to what you will think of all of this, Fattie. I really wish you would not call yourself that. Yep, he really screwed up saying that, but I hope he is not like that all of the time and you can get along with each other and see the good things in one another. Only you know.

 

[hispoptart]

I have noticed a trend in the responses in this thread. The men, like myself, think this hubby was dead wrong to do what he did.

On the other hand, most of the women seem to that it is perfectly okay for 'fattie' (don't call yourself that!) to be and stay overweight.

My wife was a slim hottie when we were dating and first got married. she gained a lot during our first pregnancy, got pregnant when #1 was 9mos. Then lost the weight after #2, excercised all the way through #3. In 2000 was diagnosed with cancer (lady type) which she beat (by God's grace). The radiation destroyed her ovaries and sent her into menopause at 32. Ever since (43 in March)she has battled her weight, even though she excercises at the gym 5-6 days per week, because of hormonal imbalances that have not responded to treatments. I still find her desirable and sexy and attractive even though she doesn't feel that way. We've been married for 20+ years and I have NEVER complained about her weight. She tries, and always has. She has a sister who is a sloppy, morbidly overweight woman who doesn't care a whit about her appearance. She takes great pride in the fact that she doesn't even shave her legs/underarms in the winter! I wonder why she's never married...

But as a hubby, it means a lot to me that my wife tries and she cares about her body and she wants to be desirable to me. It's not okay for any wife to just give up on her body and have the attitude toward her hubby of 'take it or leave it'. Neither should hubby stop being sensitive and caring after a few years of marriage. If both hubbys and wives focused more on putting the needs of the other first we'd have a lot happier marriages and fewer divorces.

While I agree with your posts, I could not agree more than I do with this one. BTW I am a woman. I liked the suggestion of the books and I have bookmarked them so I could check them out a bit more. I am glad to hear that your wife has survived the cancer and pray for her in her daily struggles.

 

[teach1rusl]

I don't know how you sat through that dinner after such a blatant attack. As others have said, I think you should have just walked out. Your DH (and I sure don't mean "dear" in this case) was a total ahole that night. I'm curious as to whether he ever apologized or attempted to make it up to you?? This is certainly not a weight issue, this is a respect issue; It's never okay to purposely hurt those you're supposed to care about.