Feeling guilty

[daisychicken22]

Hi everyone!

I lost a hen last night. I’m almost certain she has mareks. She couldn’t stand at all, wings were weak, had diarrhea, heavy breathing was not interested in eating or drinking.

We gave her sometime to see if she could recover but never did. So I had come to the conclusion that it would be best to cull her. (This would be our first time ever doing this)

However, before we decided on that we wanted to give something one last try. We looked up how coconut oil could help them throw up because we thought maybe she had something stuck in her throat. With all the brain fog of dealing with this situation I didn’t take the time to look up how to safely syringe feed a chicken. I’m certain that I made her aspirate because she ended up in so much distress. It was traumatizing to see. So I got my bf to do the cervical dislocation method to end it quickly for her.

I feel TERRIBLE that I caused her pain before her death. Right up until that moment I was laying with her, petting her, and playing calming music. I wanted her to go peacefully but I made the exact opposite happen. I feel so guilty and sad. Just needed a place to vent.

Thank you so much

 

[Naser]

Don't feel guilty, you tried your best to help, most likely she was too sick to feel anything

 

[Weeg]

Hi everyone!

I lost a hen last night. I’m almost certain she has mareks. She couldn’t stand at all, wings were weak, had diarrhea, heavy breathing was not interested in eating or drinking.

We gave her sometime to see if she could recover but never did. So I had come to the conclusion that it would be best to cull her. (This would be our first time ever doing this)

However, before we decided on that we wanted to give something one last try. We looked up how coconut oil could help them throw up because we thought maybe she had something stuck in her throat. With all the brain fog of dealing with this situation I didn’t take the time to look up how to safely syringe feed a chicken. I’m certain that I made her aspirate because she ended up in so much distress. It was traumatizing to see. So I got my bf to do the cervical dislocation method to end it quickly for her.

I feel TERRIBLE that I caused her pain before her death. Right up until that moment I was laying with her, petting her, and playing calming music. I wanted her to go peacefully but I made the exact opposite happen. I feel so guilty and sad. Just needed a place to vent.

Thank you so much

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is always so hard.

Dont blame yourself. You did everything you could, much more than a lot of people would have done for your hen.
I had a hen pass multiple weeks ago from ALV, a viral virus very similar to Mareks.
She was paralyzed her in legs, lost coordination in her wings, had dilated pupils and was either blind, or couldn't see well. She eventually come to overheating, and started flailing and flapping. Her before death, she started craning her neck and and lost coordination of her entire body. She then started spitting up liquid, then passed.
You may not have aspirated her, if she has some of the same symptoms as my hen before you culled, it may have just been the disease sending her into the downward spiral before passing.
I'm so sorry your having to go through this. Sometimes getting some closure can help. If you still have her body, keep it chilled not frozen, and you can send it to your state lab for testing. Calling the lab to ask which testing you what done can be helpful.
For Smudge, I did my own Necropsy, then sent her to the lab to confirm. I did necropsy/histopathology testing.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Its very very hard to loose one of your hens this way. Reading up on Mareks disease and how to go forward with your flock might be helpful. As you might already know, it's a viral disease that your flock will carry for life, theres no getting rid of it.
Hang in there, I know what your going thruogh. Just know you did everything right, I wish I would have culled my Smudge, you made a very good decision there. It gets better.

 

[daisychicken22]

Don't feel guilty, you tried your best to help, most likely she was too sick to feel anything

Thank you so much for the reassurance. It helps to get it off my chest and to people who can understand.

 

[daisychicken22]

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is always so hard.

Dont blame yourself. You did everything you could, much more than a lot of people would have done for your hen.
I had a hen pass multiple weeks ago from ALV, a viral virus very similar to Mareks.
She was paralyzed her in legs, lost coordination in her wings, had dilated pupils and was either blind, or couldn't see well. She eventually come to overheating, and started flailing and flapping. Her before death, she started craning her neck and and lost coordination of her entire body. She then started spitting up liquid, then passed.
You may not have aspirated her, if she has some of the same symptoms as my hen before you culled, it may have just been the disease sending her into the downward spiral before passing.
I'm so sorry your having to go through this. Sometimes getting some closure can help. If you still have her body, keep it chilled not frozen, and you can send it to your state lab for testing. Calling the lab to ask which testing you what done can be helpful.
For Smudge, I did my own Necropsy, then sent her to the lab to confirm. I did necropsy/histopathology testing.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Its very very hard to loose one of your hens this way. Reading up on Mareks disease and how to go forward with your flock might be helpful. As you might already know, it's a viral disease that your flock will carry for life, theres no getting rid of it.
Hang in there, I know what your going thruogh. Just know you did everything right, I wish I would have culled my Smudge, you made a very good decision there. It gets better.

Thank you for taking the time to send your condolences. This has made me feel a bit better. Thank you for understanding! I’m so sorry for your loss too. I can tell you are an amazing chicken parent!

 

[TheOddOneOut]

Hi everyone!

I lost a hen last night. I’m almost certain she has mareks. She couldn’t stand at all, wings were weak, had diarrhea, heavy breathing was not interested in eating or drinking.

We gave her sometime to see if she could recover but never did. So I had come to the conclusion that it would be best to cull her. (This would be our first time ever doing this)

However, before we decided on that we wanted to give something one last try. We looked up how coconut oil could help them throw up because we thought maybe she had something stuck in her throat. With all the brain fog of dealing with this situation I didn’t take the time to look up how to safely syringe feed a chicken. I’m certain that I made her aspirate because she ended up in so much distress. It was traumatizing to see. So I got my bf to do the cervical dislocation method to end it quickly for her.

I feel TERRIBLE that I caused her pain before her death. Right up until that moment I was laying with her, petting her, and playing calming music. I wanted her to go peacefully but I made the exact opposite happen. I feel so guilty and sad. Just needed a place to vent.

Thank you so much

Throw up?
Unfortunately, chickens are physically incapable of regurgitating things...so not a great idea.
I really am sorry for your loss. I'm sure she knew she was loved.

 

[Weeg]

Thank you for taking the time to send your condolences. This has made me feel a bit better. Thank you for understanding! I’m so sorry for your loss too. I can tell you are an amazing chicken parent!

Thank you, it's always hard. I hope you can find some closure. Just know it will get better, and your hen sacrificed everything to teach you so much. All of your birds will be better off for the future.

 

[daisychicken22]

Throw up?
Unfortunately, chickens are physically incapable of regurgitating things...so not a great idea.
I really am sorry for your loss. I'm sure she knew she was loved.

Yes, unfortunately I know that now. I usually am good at doing my research but was really feeling the brain fog with the whole situation. Definitely a hard lesson learned.

Thank you for your condolences!

 

[TheOddOneOut]

Yes, unfortunately I know that now. I usually am good at doing my research but was really feeling the brain fog with the whole situation. Definitely a hard lesson learned.

Thank you for your condolences!

 

[gtaus]

I feel TERRIBLE that I caused her pain before her death. Right up until that moment I was laying with her, petting her, and playing calming music. I wanted her to go peacefully but I made the exact opposite happen. I feel so guilty and sad.

I have been raising small animals for almost 50 years. I have made my share of mistakes. But I try to learn from the experience and do better the next time.

I ask that you don't be so hard on yourself. Your intentions were good even if the outcome was not what you had hoped for. Learn from the experience and do better next time. Realize that as long as you have small animals, you will have to deal with loss, and sometimes it might be because you made a mistake. When you can accept that you are not perfect, and that some animals under your care might not survive despite your best efforts, then you can concentrate on the joy of raising small animals without all the guilt you seem to be going through right now.

So, take a moment to grieve the loss, but pick yourself back up and move forward. Sounds like to me that any animals under your care are very lucky to have you.