Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[luvmychicknkids]

Quote:
OH MY!!!! That is too funny!!!! If only you didn't have fainting chickens you could forever be known as "The girl that craps in the woods"!!!!

 

[WriterofWords]

Hmmmmmm you might be on to something, my team never has trouble with bears.... LOL it is guaranteed someone WILL bring it up every year as soon as I walk away from the group!

 

[FrenchHen]

Stands with a Fist
Dances with Wolves
Craps in the Woods.

 

[wegotchickens]

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Steps On Duck is sometimes DH's nickname....

 

[wegotchickens]

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"Better from the attic than the basement!"
That's a favorite saying when someone burps at my house...



A very sweet Japanese friend of mine asked me one time what she could do to mimimize asparagus farts. She doesn't eat meat, and had over-indulged on asparagus for dinner one night because it tasted so good. The next day she had a big meeting to go to. She said she couldn't help letting little asparagus farts out all day, in an enclosed room. She said by the end of the day all the executives knew it was her. One Japanese man even came back after lunch wearing a paper mask! She was mortified.

I was laughing too hard to offer any useful advice!

 

[spookyevilone]

"The Bean Story" -or- Why Spooky Isn't Allowed To Make Black Bean Dip Ever Again.

A friend had a potluck dinner party. I brought black bean dip, made from scratch. Sarah kept exclaiming how good it was and ate a good half of the crock pot.

Needless to say, she was suffering the next day. We went shopping and she kept having episodes of the most godawful stenchy gas. My sense of humour is on par with a 12 yr olds, so I was giggling every single time.

In the checkout line, I could see her doing the butt shake of subtlety, trying to get one out silently, and I casually walked to another line, because I knew what was coming - a noxious cloud of choking death gas.

This gorgeous guy in a full dress Marine uniform takes my place. A few moments later, I hear the guy now in line behind Sarah say an embarrassed but polite, "M'am, do you need a bathroom?" Sarah shot him a look, blushed, shook her head. I had my fist in my mouth trying not to laugh. She's hurrying to find her coupons so she can pay and get out. Then the guy pipes up with another, "M'am.. I really think you might want a bathroom." Sarah shook her head again. The guy leaned over and whispered, but not as quietly as he thought, "M'am.. I think you might have s**t yourself. The back of your jeans are turning black.."

Sarah stared at him and then went from standstill to full-on sprint for the restrooms. The running shook the .. solids.. loose from her jeans, so she left a little trail of undigested black beans in her wake like some sort of horrible jelly bean trail from a particularly evil Easter Bunny.

I couldn't help it - it was horrifying but so horrible that I was convulsed in fits of hysterical laughter.

I did go buy her a pair of sweatpants and new underwear, though, and covered her escape from the bathroom.

The guy in line behind her? Well, now she calls him 'husband', so he couldn't have minded that much. The best part? The absolute BEST part? He looked her up later because he was mortified that she might think he'd been standing in line checking out her backside and wanted to apologize for what might be thought of as rudeness. When she waved that off with a mumble that his potential rudeness failed in the face of her ..accident.. he shrugged and said, "Oh that? Well, y'know.. it happens." They were married a year later.
-Spooky

 

[ksacres]

Spooky's friend wins the "most embarrassing gas episode ever" award...

 

[Highlander]

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Seconded!!!

 

[spookyevilone]

Sarah wins most of the Most Embarrassing stories. There's an Aunt Flo one that's enough to make any woman cringe in horror.
-Spooky

 

[mzrea]

I was in the military and needed to use the bathroom. Unfortunately the women's room as broken so we all had to use the men's room. Before I entered, another (male) airman checked to be sure that the room was empty, he told me it was so I went in to "do my business". Now as other ladies may be aware, there are times when gas will pass while we are seated which normally goes unheard in the privacy of the bathroom, however, on this particular time after the gas had passed, I heard a voice that said "Tina is that you? What are you doing air drying?"
I could have died!