Getting married and looking for advice!

[Peachfuzz221]

It's normal to be freaking out before you get married! Especially at such a young age. My advice is to always talk things out, even when it's difficult and you'd rather not. Communication is key!

Adding a big move to getting married sounds challenging. But it's only short term, right? Look on it as an opportunity to see and experience new things. And remember that you can always move back-- where you live is decided by two people in a relationship, not one.

I think you will do fine. The fact that you're in here talking about these things and getting support says a lot. Keep doing things like that. And remember that he has come back to you many times-- you are obviously worth it. And from the sound of it, he's worth the effort too.

Blessings and good luck to you both.

If I were to go back in time to my high school days and tell my teenage self I would be getting married by age twenty, I would have thought I was downright crazy and a liar But I think that is one of our biggest virtues, is that we are completely honest and open with each other. That is definitely something I am going to keep up with!

It is; only about three or four months. It is still scary but I plan to enjoy myself there and experience new things and take tons of pictures. My Mom told me to enjoy it because when she had my brother she was in Texas for a whole year and all she did was sit around and cry and miss home. Now that she is older she regrets not enjoying it more. And this decision we are both supportive of since it will benefit our future, especially when we eventually start having kids.

Thank you. I really hope so. I know form only being on this site a few weeks that this is a kind and toxic-free community of supportive people who love chickens! And while I do ask for encouragement from my family, I think it also would be beneficial to ask honest strangers and get some outside input. That is one of the greatest details of our relationship that makes me think this marriage will work; because for years we always came back to each other To me, he is so worth everything I go through and put up with

Sounds similar to me. I knew my boy from when we were babies our parents were friends. Started dating at 16. Married at 20. Moved 3 days after the wedding almost 3000 miles from home. Hes snuggly and clingly im not. At all. We just passed out 10 year anniversary. And still happy.

I used to think relationships like that were cheesy fairytales that would never happen to me. When we broke up before graduation, I honestly thought that was it! But now I am so glad it worked out that way and I was blessed to be a part of something stronger <3 I think those are the type of relationships that last!

Thank you for sharing your story. It certainly made my day and helped with pre-wedding jitters I have more faith in our love and I am happy you found that for yourself

Congratulations! The chart is a fantastic idea! And you've been given great advice and encouragement....
Im only going to send a blessing your way...
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

Beautiful! Thank you so much ~ Prayers are very much appreciated!

 

[Peachfuzz221]

If he doesn't cause you stress and you are completely comfortable around him, you have nothing to worry about! The other stuff is small stuff and you can work through it. Mention to him the things that concern you (maybe not all at once, you don't want it to be overwhelming, just mention one thing) and give him a chance to respond. I'm sure he will set your mind at ease. I moved about 4.5 hours away from home when I went to college, alone. I later moved across the country, alone. It can be overwhelming and scary but also fun and exciting. New people, new job, new apartment, new restaurants, new museums, etc. I always remind myself that if I don't like it, or it doesn't work, it's ok, I can always move back to where I was before or I can always try somewhere new. You don't have to live in Wisconsin forever if you don't like it, but give it a fair chance and be honest with your husband about what you do and don't like about it so you know what to look for in your forever home. If your family is really important to you make sure he knows and plan in advance to travel and see them for important birthdays/holidays/etc. it's normal to feel nervous about any big life change. You got this. You are lucky because you aren't doing it alone!

I consider the relationship an opposites attract thing, since I am the worrywart with anxiety and he is the easygoing mature rock that gets me through the day. That is the kind of marriage my folks have and they just hit their twenty year anniversary last year <3 I admire you for having the courage to do all that alone. I would not be able to do that by myself even though I'm sure in the long run you have so much to remember and talk about and new friends and such! So maybe I'll be able to do those things with him by my side

Our plan right now is he is going to try and buy a cheap, small house or a decent apartment after his lease is up in August. He is very considerate of my needs and what I am used to, so he wants to move us closer to our families and prepare us for when we get back to Wisconsin. He puts me first and while I love that, I always have to remind him there is two in this relationship and his needs and desires matter just as much as mine :> Thank you for your inspiring words!

You’re gonna be fine. I got married 6 months ago. I’m 20, he’s 25. He’s my best friend and the love of my life. I also had worries about moving away from parents and all the big changes, but in the end it figures itself out.

We’ve had a lot of problems with my health lately. I have good days but can suddenly be bedridden and he has to play the happy supportive hubby role. We were supposed to move closer to our college of choice this summer but can’t now because of my health. Even with all that negativity he is always right there, optimistic, making me laugh and keeping me going. Yea it’s a sucky start to a marriage and yea we have our spats (almost always caused by my moodiness) but when you really love each other, you’re in it for the long haul, and the circumstances don’t dictate your love.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t rush into anything, but also don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t do something just because you’re young. Keep a level head, listen to advice from people who’ve been there, and learn to grow in love and maturity with each other. In case you haven’t been told 100 times already, COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING. Talk when you don’t want to! Honestly, fight if you have to! It’s better to let it out then fester and rot. Once the honeymoon phase wears off (in our case my health never really let us have one) and reality sets in, just take a deep breath and know that he’s not your enemy. No matter how much you want to strangle him

That’s all the advice I got from one newly wed to another almost newly wed. Good luck my friend!

Late Congratulations! It makes me so happy to hear about marriages that are actually in it through better or for worst, instead of all the divorces and unhappy endings on TV and the news. It also releases some tension knowing that relationships are better when you marry your best friend

I have had plenty of judgemental people tell me that I am getting married too soon or that I am too young and I should enjoy the single life more before committing, but if the hardships in my life have taught me anything, it is to not take experiences or people for granted. Listen to your gut and your heart! It is your life and only you know what decisions are best for you. I feel in my heart of hearts that my future should be entwined with his, as loving equals. No one else can compare!

Thank you for the wonderful advice and sharing your experiences with marriage! Puts me at ease and gives me a taste of what to expect. I already want to strangle him sometimes but in the end we make up in the best of ways (which for me is just an "I love you!" and "Goodnight, babe!" text)! May you have luck with your lovely marriage as well and I hope you get to feeling better!

 

[Fields Mountain Farm]

If I were to go back in time to my high school days and tell my teenage self I would be getting married by age twenty, I would have thought I was downright crazy and a liar But I think that is one of our biggest virtues, is that we are completely honest and open with each other. That is definitely something I am going to keep up with!

It is; only about three or four months. It is still scary but I plan to enjoy myself there and experience new things and take tons of pictures. My Mom told me to enjoy it because when she had my brother she was in Texas for a whole year and all she did was sit around and cry and miss home. Now that she is older she regrets not enjoying it more. And this decision we are both supportive of since it will benefit our future, especially when we eventually start having kids.

Thank you. I really hope so. I know form only being on this site a few weeks that this is a kind and toxic-free community of supportive people who love chickens! And while I do ask for encouragement from my family, I think it also would be beneficial to ask honest strangers and get some outside input. That is one of the greatest details of our relationship that makes me think this marriage will work; because for years we always came back to each other To me, he is so worth everything I go through and put up with


I used to think relationships like that were cheesy fairytales that would never happen to me. When we broke up before graduation, I honestly thought that was it! But now I am so glad it worked out that way and I was blessed to be a part of something stronger <3 I think those are the type of relationships that last!

Thank you for sharing your story. It certainly made my day and helped with pre-wedding jitters I have more faith in our love and I am happy you found that for yourself


Beautiful! Thank you so much ~ Prayers are very much appreciated!

You are most welcome!

 

[Tesumph]

I consider the relationship an opposites attract thing, since I am the worrywart with anxiety and he is the easygoing mature rock that gets me through the day. That is the kind of marriage my folks have and they just hit their twenty year anniversary last year <3 I admire you for having the courage to do all that alone. I would not be able to do that by myself even though I'm sure in the long run you have so much to remember and talk about and new friends and such! So maybe I'll be able to do those things with him by my side

Our plan right now is he is going to try and buy a cheap, small house or a decent apartment after his lease is up in August. He is very considerate of my needs and what I am used to, so he wants to move us closer to our families and prepare us for when we get back to Wisconsin. He puts me first and while I love that, I always have to remind him there is two in this relationship and his needs and desires matter just as much as mine :> Thank you for your inspiring words!


Late Congratulations! It makes me so happy to hear about marriages that are actually in it through better or for worst, instead of all the divorces and unhappy endings on TV and the news. It also releases some tension knowing that relationships are better when you marry your best friend

I have had plenty of judgemental people tell me that I am getting married too soon or that I am too young and I should enjoy the single life more before committing, but if the hardships in my life have taught me anything, it is to not take experiences or people for granted. Listen to your gut and your heart! It is your life and only you know what decisions are best for you. I feel in my heart of hearts that my future should be entwined with his, as loving equals. No one else can compare!

Thank you for the wonderful advice and sharing your experiences with marriage! Puts me at ease and gives me a taste of what to expect. I already want to strangle him sometimes but in the end we make up in the best of ways (which for me is just an "I love you!" and "Goodnight, babe!" text)! May you have luck with your lovely marriage as well and I hope you get to feeling better!

Haha I had plenty of people tell me I was too young as well. I get where they’re coming from, but at the same time, I knew what I wanted and what I was getting myself into. The highschool dating scene was never my thing, too shallow and stressful, I really don’t miss it one bit. I love being committed and knowing that if everything else fell apart I would still have my soulmate. We are very different, but even in the short amount of time I’ve been married, seeing the way we make up for each other’s faults is really awesome.

And for the record, my mom got engaged to my dad when she was 18. They just celebrated their 30th anniversary.

 

[EggSighted4Life]

but I have never been good with change nor have I ever moved out of my parents home and been away from them for long periods of time. Right after the wedding we are supposed to be moving to Wisconsin for a few months so he can take classes. We live in Ohio!

Oh boy hon, congratulations!

I've been married 20 years now and it the HARDEST relationship I have ever maintained.

Moving stinks and is one of the major stressors in life along with marriage.

Honestly I would seek counseling before getting married. Spend the $ and the time... this is the REST of your life we are talking about. Marriage involves real sacrifice on both parts. And I would WAIT until after those few months of school in another state. If you have waited this long a few more months won't change your love.

AND hugely... at 44 I am NOT who I was at 19 or 20! I don't enjoy the same things I did then or even have the same perspective. People grow and change. I am still learning things about MYSELF in my 40's. I thought I knew who I was and where I stood. And while my core being is the same I truly am not. Realizing triggers that make you respond in a certain way to things... like the reasons for clingy verses not. It get's deep sometimes. Having an understanding is good... but have discovered it becomes harder to accept if somewhere deep inside change was hope for (and lets be real, it likely IS hoped for). Having animals to love on has helped to be more whole and NOT expecting to receive your happiness from another person. You are responsible for your own well being. Having things you do together AND separately are important to being well rounded (for us).

MONEY... my husband is a spender and I am a saver. What was OK in our 20's is not OK now... He always wan't to tip an extra dollar than I do. He thinks I'm being stingy and I think I'm looking out for our family.

Will you combine your incomes and bills or keep separate bank accounts? Do you wanna work or stay home? How many kids? Will they be raised under a certain religion? Parenting is one of those aspects I can't stress enough. Will you be cooking and cleaning or split it up?

Guess what in my 20's I didn't wanna cook... and I STILL don't. But my husband wan't to eat! My house was clean (spotless) when I lived alone. Now we are (semi) hoarders... I'm NOT his mother and I won't act like it...

Speaking of Mother/Father... My husband ABSOLUTELY married his mother! I'm JUST like her. I love and respect her. And I married my Dad... at least a part of him. My dad was a dreamer. My husband is too, except he follows through with pursuing our dreams. Recognize the aspects in each other to see if it applies to you at all.

Note that being married can still sometimes be the loneliest place in the world.

In the end.. I have someone who is committed to me (and I he) MORE than any other person in the world. Will your kids come first or will your husband come first so your kids know they have parents who are committed to caring for each other and providing a stable loving home where even when you are mad or hurt they will be accepted for who they are even when they do something wrong. So they will know how to have a loving and forgiving relationships of their own... once the kids grow up and move out it's just the two of you again.

Sometimes it will take 100% on your part while he flounders. Or 100% on his part. And on occasion it will be 50/50. Figure out your moodiness and deal with it!

My kids have a TRUE look at marriage and kids can be like... including the rewards that come along. But in NO way do they think fairy tells are reality.

I like to joke... if you don't want someone coming behind you messing up everything you did AND telling you what to do... don't get married OR have kids.

I wouldn't trade my husband for anything. We are equally messed up and totally deserve each other. I also would NEVER choose to go through where we have been again and if I actually remember all the moves, child rearing and other challenges it literally makes me cry. It hurt. But through working past our CHILDHOOD issues (some that didn't surface before getting married), we are content and healing together. We have truly become 1. We ALWAYS consider the other persons feeling (even if we choose to be selfish).

Really... Christ is key! IMHO, and even then your heart has to be open for shaping.

Being away from friends and family was hard my first time. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. And so many other things. In the end though I know I was led where I needed to be during those times in order to shape who I am today. Long distance calls are a thing of the past, it used to cost bank... but now you can easily reach out and touch someone.

Got a friend or family member expressing a specific concern? They KNOW the truth more than we do. So quietly consider their concern is likely for your best interest even if just seems like jealousy... you should know the ones who are drama ridden verses the ones who really lay their heart out there. A bitter truth from a friend is better than the sweet lie of an enemy.

I come together and second all the prayers that have been asked for you and your upcoming nuptials... In Jesus name!



Quickly noting we were (ARE) an opposites attract... it equals nightmares... until you get old and tired. Feels like someone played a really cruel joke on us.

 

[sourland]

I am getting married this coming October to my best friend. I have no doubt I want to marry him and that he is "the one",
Probably one of the sweetest, most patient, understanding, funniest guys in the world!

I told my kids and am now telling my grandkids that when you find that one person you like better than anyone else you have ever met that's who you should make a life with. It sounds as if you have done that. Never say things in anger because they can not be taken back. Talk and work things out. Get comfortable with the physical contact and trust him - it's really pretty neat. The Princess and I still hold hands whenever we are together. You think that you love him now, but you have no idea. It took her to show me what love is. Remember love is a verb not a noun - an action not a feeling. Sourman, married to the Princess for 54 years, 5 months, and 23 days.

 

[Fields Mountain Farm]

I told my kids and am now telling my grandkids that when you find that one person you like better than anyone else you have ever met that's who you should make a life with. It sounds as if you have done that. Never say things in anger because they can not be taken back. Talk and work things out. Get comfortable with the physical contact and trust him - it's really pretty neat. The Princess and I still hold hands whenever we are together. You think that you love him now, but you have no idea. It took her to show me what love is. Remember love is a verb not a noun - an action not a feeling. Sourman, married to the Princess for 54 years, 5 months, and 23 days.

The best secrets to a long, happy marriage are those shared with others!
Thanks Sour!

 

[Tesumph]

Oh boy hon, congratulations!

I've been married 20 years now and it the HARDEST relationship I have ever maintained.

Moving stinks and is one of the major stressors in life along with marriage.

Honestly I would seek counseling before getting married. Spend the $ and the time... this is the REST of your life we are talking about. Marriage involves real sacrifice on both parts. And I would WAIT until after those few months of school in another state. If you have waited this long a few more months won't change your love.

AND hugely... at 44 I am NOT who I was at 19 or 20! I don't enjoy the same things I did then or even have the same perspective. People grow and change. I am still learning things about MYSELF in my 40's. I thought I knew who I was and where I stood. And while my core being is the same I truly am not. Realizing triggers that make you respond in a certain way to things... like the reasons for clingy verses not. It get's deep sometimes. Having an understanding is good... but have discovered it becomes harder to accept if somewhere deep inside change was hope for (and lets be real, it likely IS hoped for). Having animals to love on has helped to be more whole and NOT expecting to receive your happiness from another person. You are responsible for your own well being. Having things you do together AND separately are important to being well rounded (for us).

MONEY... my husband is a spender and I am a saver. What was OK in our 20's is not OK now... He always wan't to tip an extra dollar than I do. He thinks I'm being stingy and I think I'm looking out for our family.

Will you combine your incomes and bills or keep separate bank accounts? Do you wanna work or stay home? How many kids? Will they be raised under a certain religion? Parenting is one of those aspects I can't stress enough. Will you be cooking and cleaning or split it up?

Guess what in my 20's I didn't wanna cook... and I STILL don't. But my husband wan't to eat! My house was clean (spotless) when I lived alone. Now we are (semi) hoarders... I'm NOT his mother and I won't act like it...

Speaking of Mother/Father... My husband ABSOLUTELY married his mother! I'm JUST like her. I love and respect her. And I married my Dad... at least a part of him. My dad was a dreamer. My husband is too, except he follows through with pursuing our dreams. Recognize the aspects in each other to see if it applies to you at all.

Note that being married can still sometimes be the loneliest place in the world.

In the end.. I have someone who is committed to me (and I he) MORE than any other person in the world. Will your kids come first or will your husband come first so your kids know they have parents who are committed to caring for each other and providing a stable loving home where even when you are mad or hurt they will be accepted for who they are even when they do something wrong. So they will know how to have a loving and forgiving relationships of their own... once the kids grow up and move out it's just the two of you again.

Sometimes it will take 100% on your part while he flounders. Or 100% on his part. And on occasion it will be 50/50. Figure out your moodiness and deal with it!

My kids have a TRUE look at marriage and kids can be like... including the rewards that come along. But in NO way do they think fairy tells are reality.

I like to joke... if you don't want someone coming behind you messing up everything you did AND telling you what to do... don't get married OR have kids.

I wouldn't trade my husband for anything. We are equally messed up and totally deserve each other. I also would NEVER choose to go through where we have been again and if I actually remember all the moves, child rearing and other challenges it literally makes me cry. It hurt. But through working past our CHILDHOOD issues (some that didn't surface before getting married), we are content and healing together. We have truly become 1. We ALWAYS consider the other persons feeling (even if we choose to be selfish).

Really... Christ is key! IMHO, and even then your heart has to be open for shaping.

Being away from friends and family was hard my first time. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. And so many other things. In the end though I know I was led where I needed to be during those times in order to shape who I am today. Long distance calls are a thing of the past, it used to cost bank... but now you can easily reach out and touch someone.

Got a friend or family member expressing a specific concern? They KNOW the truth more than we do. So quietly consider their concern is likely for your best interest even if just seems like jealousy... you should know the ones who are drama ridden verses the ones who really lay their heart out there. A bitter truth from a friend is better than the sweet lie of an enemy.

I come together and second all the prayers that have been asked for you and your upcoming nuptials... In Jesus name!



Quickly noting we were (ARE) an opposites attract... it equals nightmares... until you get old and tired. Feels like someone played a really cruel joke on us.

Great post from someone with a lot more experience than me. I can only share what I’ve been through, but this is very wise counsel.

 

[Tesumph]

I told my kids and am now telling my grandkids that when you find that one person you like better than anyone else you have ever met that's who you should make a life with. It sounds as if you have done that. Never say things in anger because they can not be taken back. Talk and work things out. Get comfortable with the physical contact and trust him - it's really pretty neat. The Princess and I still hold hands whenever we are together. You think that you love him now, but you have no idea. It took her to show me what love is. Remember love is a verb not a noun - an action not a feeling. Sourman, married to the Princess for 54 years, 5 months, and 23 days.

Stupid woman hormones. This is gonna make me cry.

 

[sourland]

By the way the Princess was 19 and I was 22 when we got married. They said we should wait.