GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

[country lady]

Yes, hang in there. All teens are different too. I had one of each. They had to do some chores (everybody had to pull the cart!). The young one not only mowed the lawn but trimmed around things! Go figure, as they say. There are so many privileges that can be yanked for serious behavior these days. I didn't like sass, discussion okay.

I found good "talk" times in a car or doing the dishes (by hand). They just opened up. We never disciplined at the dinner table. Now we miss the conversations about happenings, nature, politics, jokes, etc. I would love to go back and be with my kids, so enjoy the good moments. I try to remember that most things are just temporary. Hang in there.


Edited to say: TVs Super Nanny has a lot of good tips. I guess firmness goes a long way and less arguing with them. When our kids were little and didn't like something I cooked, DH would say, "this is not a restaurant, eat it or don't eat it, but be quiet about it." (Neither were under nourished.) We, as parents, have to stick together!

 

[seismic wonder2]

I too was full of "P" and vinagar..until I found out that my dad actually COULD throw my 100lb butt across the yard like a sack of wet spuds.

Anyway, I graduated June the 5th and went to bootcamp June 13th...so for 8 days (since I was 15) I was without a job.

I have no Idea where kids get off thinking they "deserve" anything...I WORKED for every single thing I had.

My sisters on the other hand....are useless, always have been.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

Disclaimer- I don't have kids so take this with a grain of salt.

I remember reading another thread on here that was similar. The teenage daughter had suddenly envisioned herself as an adult and "royalty"to boot. She was driving her mother crazy. I think her mother calmly accepted this attitude and proceeded to empty the child's room of everything that the girl hadn't purchased herself. The kid came home from school and threw a huge fit. The mom explained that since the kid was an adult that clearly she was able to support herself, and while the law insisted that they house her, it said absolutely nothing about supporting her in the manner in which she had previously been supported. So the kid had to do all of her chores and lots of extra chores to earn back her bed, her sheets, some of her clothes, etc., etc. etc. When the kid threw a ginormous fit complete with door slamming and foot stomping, the parents took the door off the hinges and made her earn that back as well. If I remember correctly, I think the kid straightened up pretty quick.
The part I remember about that post was that the mom was so calm and matter of fact through the whole thing. She never joined in with the fit throwing or yelling. She basically treated the kid as if she was an ill-behaved two year old that should be ignored. While I'm not sure I could have carried it off, I am totally impressed by this demeanor of calmness.

Good luck with yours. If you do a google search you likely could come up convent schools near you.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
Now there is Love and Logic in action.

Bravo to those cool and collected parents!!

 

[claud]

Well, it may be comforting to know.....or not......that a child's brain is not done developing until early to mid 20's. They are not adults.
I think at an age that people are expecting their kids to be adults is when kids need parenting the most.
I have an 18 yr old who is usually very good and rarely talks back but the L-A-Z-Y drives me crazy!
I feel for you..........

 

[Chickenmaven]

We parents have to put up with alot. We should not have to put up with blatant disrespect or kids breaking house rules.

I HAD to work all through school & lost out on scholarships as a result... Our situation is more solid than mine was, as a child. We told our son (17 y.o.) that his only job is to educate himself. Our little Prince recently lost access to his personal vehicle, becasue he REFUSED to make an effort. We bought an old beater & let him use it. He paid for the gas, ran errands for us & it gave me a break from running HIM. We can afford to do this thing for him, so it was no big deal. It became a big deal when he reneged on an agreement to keep a certain GPA. And he said: "I don't care about school & you can't make me care."

Oh yeah, I can make you care that you're stuck bumming rides on Saturday night!

There has to be consequences to refusing to behave or do work. This sets the stage for real-life consequences.

 

[purr]

at the age of 11 my DD slammed her door for the last time. Ten minutes after the deed DH took it off the hinges and it stayed off for 8 mnths till we knew she had gotten the message.

And at 18 I was married if you don't require them to grow up they won't.

 

[HennysMom]

Quote:
I agree 110%!! I just absolutely do not understand where the entitlement comes from.. well wait.. yes I do.. it comes from the school. No kidding (and no disrepect to teachers.. because not all schools are like this - but THIS school is). She comes home on many occassions pouting and I get a phone call from her guidance counselor. This is how it goes down:

Counselor: "DD is upset because she's told me that she's being kicked out at graduation/has to pay for college/you wont cosign loans - exactly how do you expect her to make it in the real world Mrs. B?"

Me: (FLABBERGASTED I'm even GETTING this phone call and the gall this counselor has to even consider calling let alone asking me these questions) - "Well Mr. Counselor - do you have children? (his reply "yes, a 1 year old and 3 year old") Me: Well then you have no idea and cannot relate to a teenager, so please refrain from offering parenting advice to me. Second. Not that it is any of your busines, because it most certainly is NOT - but DD is not being kicked out at graduation, she has chosen and threatens daily to leave at 18, reminding us constantly since turning 18 that she IS 18. We also remind her that upon graduation it is not a given that she is allowed to stay here, that is a privelege that we grant; our rules, our house - if she doesnt want to follow them, then get out, simple as that. However she's correct, she is, by law, an adult upon graduation by the state of VA, we legally can kick her patootie out, so be careful what you say to us on a daily basis. Third - again, not that its your business, because it again is not - college is not a right in this country, it is a luxury and as such, not every child is born with luxury. DD is one of those children. My DH and I are not going $100K in the hole for 30 years to pay for HER education when she chose not to apply for scholarships given she has a 3.9 GPA and could have and should have done so for the past 2 years, yet refused to because she's lazy. Now - unless you are going to cosign for her education or provide her a place to live when she chooses to leave next month, I suggest you keep your opinions and phone calls to yourself, otherwise, have a nice day."

Now I ask you, where does that entitlement come from in kids these days? Its being taught to them... and not by us - at least in this instance its not.

That counselor should be fired....


ETA: Thirdly... LOL... thridly isnt even a word... so had to edit.. see.. I'm all flabbergasted!

 

[purr]

wow does he really think he can afford to put his kids in college on a councilor's pay?

 

[MissPrissy]

People are listening to the wrong advisors about $$ and college. A solid eduation does not cost $100K. The $100K price tag is mostly for out of state, gotta live in an apartment off campus and have my own car and not work a part time job to get me through.

In state colleges and universities within driving distance - even community colleges - can give a very solid first 2 years of requisitite classes and credits for a price tag of under $2000 a semster for a 4 course load.

A college degree can be costly but if choosen wisely it can be very affordable to even the tightest pocketbook. The will and the drive to succeed has to be in place first.