How in the world did I come from that woman?

[kara_leigh]

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[URL]http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-hug008.gif[/URL]

HAHA! That's cute! I notice you are in MO - we are very likely moving there before the end of the year.....

I love it here! What part are you thinking of moving to? We're by Branson.

 

[debilorrah]

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HAHA! That's cute! I notice you are in MO - we are very likely moving there before the end of the year.....

I love it here! What part are you thinking of moving to? We're by Branson.

Ken will be looking in KC for work, but we will live rurally. No cities for us. It will be nice to be several states away from my mother.

 

[kara_leigh]

Yeah, same here. We live out in the middle of nowhere. I say "by" Branson, but we're about 45 min away. We're about 45 min from everything. I love it.

 

[debilorrah]

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I just hope this all works out. Getting out of CA would be AWESOME!!!!

 

[debilorrah]

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Ok I have calmed down. When you read my initial post, the entire story isn't there, nor will it be. It is not unreasonable for her to expect more notice, however that is not what she said. She started whining about not being able to afford a pair of shoes, when she paid off two cars for one brother that defaulted TWICE and paid my other brothers almost $3000 a mortgage when his business tanked. My payment to her is $278.

If I could pay her back, I would not have needed to call her to tell her we don't have the money this month. My husband recently lost his job. This is not a decision I take lightly. I borrowed the money in 2007. SHE took out the loan and THEN told me what she did. I had been unemployed for 10 months and needed to pay off bills. Since 07 I have never been late on a payment.

I am almost 50 years old. I am a responsible adult, and any assumption otherwise is rather insulting.

This behavior is nothing new for her. Now, usually when someone is ranting about being treated badly by their parent or family member, they are in state of need of support, not flippant opinions.

I do know that posting here opens me up to that. However, if I could encourage you to be a bit more gentle in posts that require it, you will find more people friendly toward you.

 

[zippitydooda]

I would first like to say that I really enjoy your posts, although we haven't had too much interaction.

I have a few thoughts on your circumstance with your mother that nobody else brought up. I borrowed money from my family ONE time to purchase an airline ticket for my ex-husband to fly to his dying father's bedside. It was exactly $1,500.00. I agreed to pay them back with 6% interest in 24 months. I paid every month by check, kept all the records and mailed the final payment off in 22 months. A few years later (when I was going through my divorce) my father didn't like my choice of lifestyle ( I liked to eat out a lot and drive a new car). He said, and I quote "I don't know how you can come over here in that thing (my car) and look me in the face when you KNOW you still owe me money."...... What? I couldn't believe my ears. Luckily, I keep records like an accountant. I promptly went home, brought him EVERY single cashed check and a copy of the letter I sent them THANKING them for the loan. Turns out my mother never told him I paid the loan off. and for years he thought I was a deadbeat. UGH

After that I never borrowed a cent from anyone except a bank for our mortgage.

That was maybe 25 years ago and it still stings. BUT, dad is gone now and mom has NO hold over me. Our family always had strings attached when money was involved, so I used that as a learning experience. I will have to say that I really miss my dad, even though we butted heads and I moved 2500 miles away from him. We did end up moving closer before he died, and I'm glad of it. I guess I'm telling you this story because even though she makes you absolutely C.R.A.Z.Y., she is your mom. You WILL miss her when she's gone. Hang onto that when she starts her weirdness.

 

[debilorrah]

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Thank you for that. I know I will miss her, because she has never been a real mother to me. And I know I always wanted that - and it is not completely her fault. Her mental issues are there, and when my stepdad left, she went off the deep end, and at 12 I wound up raising two boys.

And then went head first into drug abuse. Cleaned up at 19, but that is always thrown at me. I have been mentally aware of her abuse for years now and have handled it how I felt was best, but it still leaves me open to it. So after this loan is paid off, I am done. Not that I want no contact, but the further away the better off I am. And I won't ever let my guard down again.

The thing that kills me is my 21 year old son sees all this and just is completely confused by her behavior and scared to death to say anything to her. That is not good.

 

[kara_leigh]

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That is my biggest issue. My mother wasn't always the way that she is now. I remember her as a loving, wonderful mother when I was a young girl. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was in 6th grade, and it was after that that she herself went off the deep end. I REALLY want a mother that is there for me when I need one, one that loves me no matter what, one that is a shoulder to cry on, but I know she will never be that way anymore. Like you said, I know there are some mental issues there so it isn't all her fault, but I just mourn the loss of my MOM. If this tells you anything, she kicked me out of the house b/c I borrowed her "beer mug" that she used to drink while she was driving b/c I couldn't find my own that day. She only started speaking to me again b/c my son, her first grandchild, was born. I also wish I had that best friend sister, but I know that will never happen. I've tried.

 

[Mattemma]

Hope the loan will be paid soon,and then no need for contact. Hugs!

 

[zippitydooda]

I just want to say (for those who need a REAL Mom), I'm adopting. LOL! Yes, I know we are somewhat close in age, but hey, why should that matter?

I am sorry that you feel the effects of human frailty on your parents part. Nope, I'm not perfect, but I am happy to be the Momma to anyone who needs one.


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