I am so mad I could spit nails!

Date sort Score sort
Hello All,
This is the DH typing now. I have read what my Loving Wife wrote and all your responses and I think I will chime in and give another side of the happenings.
For all of questions about how the children were raised and the discipline factors. Let's just say I retired after 20 years and 8 months in the US Navy, and one of my last tours of duty was being the disciplinarian for about 600 17-21 year olds. The tour after that was trying to salvage the kids that washed out from the Navy School they originally enlisted for.
I don't have a degree or a doctorate, but I can usually tell you what makes someone tick and how to get what responses you want from someone (military training you know). Unfortunately my 18 year old has me totally baffled! Without getting into great detail, we have tried everything, and I do mean everything to get him to be a productive member of society (by my standards) and have not been able to get him to do what's necessary to succeed in life.
I feel it's time to try the toughest love and throw him out into the world, but my Loving Wife won't let one of her kids live in a cardboard box under a overpass or in a homeless shelter until he comes to terms with life and how to respect his parents. I respect her wishes and he lives with us as we try to guide him down the right path.
As for him joining the military, at this point in his life, he can't do it. He has tried and that option isn't there right now. One of his older brothers is in the military and tells him all the great stories about things he does.
My Loving Wife has the patience of Jobe and the heart of Mother Teresa, and because of it the kids take advantage of her. I think Mother Teresa has left the building though today and when I got home I was scared and stayed out of her way!
P.S. Please be kind to others who post, this is supposed to be a place to support each other, not tear each other down.
 
My daughter pulled this **** early and now that she is almost 18 she's a pretty good young adult. But it was not easy, I tell ya. She was one stubborn girl.

Parenting hard kids is very difficult. I would definately throw out the older one. He needs to learn respect for all the sacrifices you've obviously made for him along the way. It accomplished two things - he gets the hell out of your house relieving you of some stress and it tells your 16 YO that you mean business and he better get his act together. I'd pack his stuff for him and say Good Luck!

Striking is a MUST - if they don't help you - you don't help them. Period.

And while your at it - let that DH know that he should be the one taking care of this.
wink.png
i.e. - he should take that kid out back and show him who's boss.
 
every few years my mom will go on strike
lol.png
I think we would all die without her. I am past the bratty stage of putting up a fight against everything she says. My little brother is right in the middle but when he is really bratty no one gives him any pitty
big_smile.png
I just hope he gets over it soon. Your 16 is probably just in the phase I was in a few years ago but at 18 you should be over that !

Good Luck with your kids,
Henry
 
Well I must agree with you with your credits with the service....tough love rules and believe it or not, kids will come back home!

Ducky, if you read the post, its the hubby that responded
wink.png
 
Thank you DH, your post is right on. I am a teacher and each year my heart tuggs and breaks for the lives in my care. My own children are first, but the others are right there in my heart too. They have always had to share that, but I think they get it. My DD said time and again, "Do you know they stay in the afterschool program until after 6, that is so sad." DH and I were always able to get them home soon after school, they did not know the latchkey thing.

DW may have reached a breaking point. 18 needs to be brought up short and now she knows it too. Tough love is LOVE. It is just hard on everyone.

DW may need to say "this and no more". Here is your bedroll, there is food you can prepare for yourself, laundry facilities, shower facilties. But all else is OURS and we will share what you earn.

I would not tolerate being cursed at, DW and you should not either. 18 can't enlist, fine, and I know jobs are hard to find right now. But that level of disrespect? Nope.

I hope you all are able to work it out, otherwise you may see a pattern with the younger sibs.

Best wishes, rest now and prepare to LOVE your sons in the ways each of them need.
 
Well said, Linda!

I got a nephew at the same age and just graduated and he didnt respect his mother as much and boy, flames were all around. They are trying to work with him but he just buying time making more excuses! One day, sis will kick him out...tough love she said!
 
DH, you mention that your DW "won't let one of her kids sleep in a cardboard box under an overpass or in a homeless shelter unless he comes to terms with life and how to respect his parents", and also "My loving Wife has the patience of Jobe [sic] and the heart of Mother Teresa, and because of it the kids take advantage of her".

Does your DW (who sounds like a wonderful person who would be a real blessing to have as a friend, mother, or wife, BTW!) realize that as long as Dear Older Son knows she won't let him go through some hard places, he has no reason to change his behavior or attitude? It may be that going through a hard season is what is required to give him a much needed "attitude adjustment" when he realizes that his parents are not obligated to hand him his every want and need. (Please do not be offended; I do not mean this to sound condescending at all; I have been in large part where the two of you are now). As the DOS and Dear Younger Son know they can take advantage of your wife's patience and compassionate heart, they will use that same patience and compassion against her (such as the threat to kill the animals, which should NOT be taken lightly). It is my hope that you and your wife will be able to develop a strategy (that you can both support with a united front) to show your sons you mean business, and that if they cannot or will not comply to your standards and household rules, the 16 YO will not be receiving anything other than the VERY basic necessities, and the 18 YO can be responsible for himself as he moves into another place to live. It will not kill him, and later, God willing, he will come back and thank you for helping him grow up. If he doesn't, you will still have saved your family some unnecessary heartache and anguish.

Regards, crtrlovr (critterlover)
 

Similar threads

G
    • Sad
Baby chicks keep dying at alarming rate
2
Replies
16
Views
894
CabritaChicks
CabritaChicks

New posts New threads Active threads

Back
Top Bottom