I am so mad I could spit nails!

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I don't think kicking an 18yr old out is neglect, but not feeding a 16yr old is, IMO. He's still a minor and still under your care. There are a lot of things I would agree with taking away from a child (and yes, at 16, he is still a child), but food is not one of them.

I think what we all mean is don't MAKE him his dinner. At 16 there is no reason why he can't make himself something to eat. The food of course would be available to him. My kids have known how to make simple stuff at home since 10 yrs. old, even younger. Mac n Chees, grilled cheese, sandwiches, soup. He can handle that.
 
Uh oh....I feel a rant coming on.......

IMHO (and that's just it, MHO) If your kids can't cook and clean for theselves by around 10 or so, it's YOUR fault.

You have to teach your kids basic life skills (cook, clean, checkbook, taxes etc...) so that at 18 when they get all full of themselves you can boot them out. (most of the time they leave on their own) (unless they get into college...but then after that BOOT!)

In my 18+ years in the Navy having to deal with my guys' problems EVERYDAY. I have found the people that teach their kids how to fend for themselves had kids that went to college and went far in life. THe guys that let their KIDS run the house, play videogames all day, never learned even how to balance a checkbook etc.. always, ALWAYS had problems.
I have one guy that has to miss work CONSTANTLY because his kid is causing trouble in school "But she's a perfect little angel at home" RIIIIGHT! I believe that one!

I've met this kid at a command function. I was talking to her dad and mom when Her dad asked her to get something from his car, she rolled her eyes huffed up and said "you get it" and turned her back on him. I waited about half a second to see what he would do...which was nothing. Then I snatched her up and went Full Metal Jacket Drill Instructor on her. (minus the foul language) Mom and Dad just stood there opened mouthed. I could tell the girl had never been diciplined before. After about five minutes of my explaining the elder/child reltaionship and the virtues of respect, She got the camera from the car, appologised to me, Dad, and Mom for being rude, and for the rest of the day she was a model little girl.
The Mom was flabberghasted and shocked that I would speak to her child that way. Dad said "Honey, can it.", "Chief, Thanks."
That was on a Friday, Monday He told me that the girl was a dream all weekend.

People ask why I don't have kids..."I don't like other people's kids, what makes you think I'd like my own?"

People should be required to get a permit from the govornment before they can have kids.
Heck, You have to have a license to drive....
You even have to get a permit to catch FISH for Gods sake.
Why not have a permit to create a human life?

I'm off my soapbox now.
Rant is over.
 
Well this is a tough one and I feel for both the OP and her DH. I don't have boys and I thank god most days that I don't ( I have 3 girls) because I'd honestly be at a loss on how to handle them. I know that the brain chemistry is out of whack in teens and that thier brains don't come in until some where around 25.

I will say this though. It hasn't been that long since I was a lazy teen.
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Perhaps with your 18yo, he is not clear on how hard his mother works to provide him and his brother the necessities of life. I would suggest that [if your boss is understanding and willing] she take him to work for a couple of days and show him how to do her job, how hard she works, and to get a feeling for how tired she is at the end of her work day...only to come home to see a wreck of a house and no chores done. Afterward she could show him her pittance of a check, how much taxes the gov't takes off, portion for 401k, hmo...etc. I think that being faced with this sort of reality of what exactly it is his mother is working so hard for might increase his levels of respect for her and his willingness to help out.

Then as soon as he's able....enlist him.

I wish you luck with him. Your 16yo I think will be fine as he has a job and is still school aged. He probably refuses to do chores as his brother won't help and "Why should I have to do everything!?!"

Please keep us updated on your progress.
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sesimic wonder said: "People should be required to get a permit from the govornment before they can have kids."

I've always thought that. Any jerk can make a baby. It takes a committed humman being who can handle dishing out tough love to be a parent.
 
Seismic Wonder: sorry for my ignorant, what is the "Full Metal Jacket Drill"???? Never been in the armed services
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. I am picturing you "in her face" about disrespecting her parents.

I think for those who lack good parenting skills, instead of government decides who can have kids or not, requirements of taking parenting classes at a certain age. Not sure if it works!
 
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Full metal jacket is a movie about some young soldiers during basic and ithink into the vietnam war. The are verbally and mentally abused by their drill. A good old fashioned breaking them down to rebuild them as soldiers. He is all in their face , yelling and having them to puish ups.....The phrase "full metal jacket" refers to the bullet that one the young soldiers uses to kill the drill. "full metal jacket , baby"
 
Quote:
I don't think kicking an 18yr old out is neglect, but not feeding a 16yr old is, IMO. He's still a minor and still under your care. There are a lot of things I would agree with taking away from a child (and yes, at 16, he is still a child), but food is not one of them.

I think what we all mean is don't MAKE him his dinner. At 16 there is no reason why he can't make himself something to eat. The food of course would be available to him. My kids have known how to make simple stuff at home since 10 yrs. old, even younger. Mac n Chees, grilled cheese, sandwiches, soup. He can handle that.

I hope you're right, but I have a feeling you're not. ;-)
 
* Parenting classes!! OG!! You just HAD to remind me, eh??? All about how ALL kids want is to be good little darlings and all you have to do-- or are ALLOWED to do is TALK about bad behavior and PRAISE good behavior to boost their fragile little self-esteems. Yeah-THAT WORKS!! MEANWHILE, they are breaking out the tasers and riot gear in jam-packed juvies all over the country!?!?! Give me a break!!
 
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Lilshadow,
1. Do you have any respect for yourself? You work hard, and you are old enough -you have earned the right to respect yourself and demand the respect of others.
2. Listen to your DH. You and he are a team and should stick together no matter what. If your kids see you two divided, they will use that.
3. Let him go live in a cardboard box. In his mind, he has gotten away with alot, including threatening death to your flock. He got away with that too. He does deserve life in a box for a while to know that you mean business and he MUST respect you.
4. If you make a list of all the things he gets and takes for granted, and the piddly little you ask of him, I think you yourself will be surprised at how many things on paper are looking you right in the eye.
5. Above all, think of all of the self respect you should have no matter who you are, and absolutely demand it from everyone no matter what it takes.
I've been there with my DD, it got to the point that I did make her go, the last straw was dropping out of HS when she turned 16. Long story short, it took her 9 months for her to learn a hard lesson. She did come home, got a job, went back to school, graduated with honors, and went into the military, earned her GI bill, and went to college, and as of the age of 20, she became the DD of any mother's dream and still is, in every way. It was not easy
 
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