I am so mad I could spit nails!

[ivan3]

I'd just like to make an observation (father of two adult daughters). Parents don't `go on strike'. Parents own the factory and control the means of production. `labor' requires (from day one) clear and consistent expectations (grades, demeanor, chores, etc.), and consistent, unwavering consequences for not meeting them.

I don't recall our having to so much raise our voices after our girls hit adolescence, a hard stare was more than enough.

If one of my brothers, or I, had had the temerity to cuss our mother, the offender, after calming down, would have walked out to the garage and waited for pop to get home from the base. We only got what we KNEW we deserved, knew when we deserved it, and quickly learned not to put ourselves in that position.

It is a lot like incubating eggs: If you want them to hatch, and then thrive, you have to apply the proper temperature.

IMHO

 

[asher]

Quote:
Well, thank you for speaking for everyone in this thread.

You are the one who said, in reply to this post:

Quote:
Quote:
So I am not speaking for everyone, I'm agreeing with those who agreed with me. I was only referring to making them make their own food, even at 16.

Quote:
) that I am fairly sure from the sounds of it is NOT referring to what you all are, but not providing them food at all. Particularly since he said take away his food and bed.

I would have no problem with what you all are referring to, though.


Okay, then there is a misunderstanding. I thought you were saying everyone was saying the same thing as you all. They weren't (as seedcorn agreed he meant something more severe than that, actually withholding food, not just the manner of not making it for them).

I'm sorry for being snarky when I didn't get that you were saying that's what you and some of the others meant. I thought you meant all of you were saying that who had disagreed with me about the food issue.


(I agree on the other issues, too. Bare neccesities, food, clothing (bare minimum) and place to sleep would be all for minors. Anyone over the legal age would be finding themselves on a friends couch or wherever they landed.)

 

[All about the EGG]

Thats too bad your kids swear at you. They have no respect for you. I would throw the older one out, and start working on the younger one. There may be hope yet. I wonder how he treats his gf?

 

[Reinbeau]

Quote:
This is so true, to see how a young man is going to treat a girlfriend, check out how he treats his mom.

And asher, all's well.

 

[theOEGBman]

Wow, I didnt read through all of the pages, I just read your first post but WOW. I've got the laundry going for my mom right now, I cleaned my room, brought in the trash cans and took out the trash. If the dish washer was full I'd be running that as well. We dont swear in my household, so none of us would say anything to my mom or dad like that, but if we did, we'd get smacked. My parents dont just threaten us with stuff when we are brats, they take action. I have a great relationship with my parents, so I dont hesitate to do stuff for them when they ask. I might not like doing it because hey, Im a 17 year old guy and I can be lazy, but I still do it because I respect my parents. You can clearly tell that your sons do not. My brother and I are 17 & 19, so we arent too far apart in age than your sons, although we will be 18 & 20 this year. It just disgusts me because you do notice nowadays that teens and young adults are losing their respect for their elders. I would NEVER think if saying something like that to my mother, father or another adult I know, its disgusting. I agree with taking away everything you do for them. If my mom doesnt feel like cooking, we cook our own meals. Your son is 18 and doesnt have his license yet?? I think someone needs to step up and start acting like an adult.

 

[country freedom]

This is what I've told all 6 of my children. 16 - 17 years old, need/get a job, get a savings account (put into it, 1/3 to 1/2 of their pay - this money goes for a car or their own place when they move out of house at the age of 18), if they don't want to ride the city bus, they should be able to afford a scooter/helmet for transportation to/from work for now, the rest of their pay goes for things needed/things wanted. I pay for school needs and medical needs. If they spend their money foolishly, thats their own fault.

Oh, and I tell the ones who have jobs what we are having for supper and they decide right there if they'll eat out or not. I don't fix meals for 8 people very often any longer. Saves me on my food bill.

My 19 yr old son was 17 yrs old, just weeks shy of turning 18, when he was kicked out of my house because of breaking a major house rule. He is enrolled in college and going on his 2nd year, home for the summer, has 2 summer jobs, and he helps out.

My 18 yr old son enlisted in the Air Force when he was 17 and moved out into Basic Training around 3 weeks shy of turning 18, now currently in Japan, and he helps out.

My 17 yr old daughter has a 1 yr old baby girl, has a job, does for herself and baby, (< 21 yr old daddy> lives with his mom> has no job >legal problems brought on himself> will be heading for more if he doesn't get himself right). My daughter lives at home and helps out.

My 16 yr old son has a job, is active in church, active in Urban League, and he helps out.

My 14 yr old son is already putting applications in around town for jobs, he's getting his name known, he'll keep doing this every 3 months like everyone else above has done, he has chores to be done around house.

My 11 yr old daughter has chores around the house and she can't wait to be 14 to be able to put in applications for jobs.

I do not give out allowances since I don't make that much and they don't "earn" money either. My children do not have chores if they work 30 hours or more, so thats why they are out and about looking for jobs at 14 yrs old.

They've all had a job at Salvation Army right before school opened back up, their payment was clothes for school they were allowed to pick for themselves. On the applications they fill out, they are required to put Salvation Army down as their first job. They've also had other jobs when they were 14/15 yrs old, but they've had my permission to work, along with keeping good grades in school.

My Fiance' works (against his doctor's orders, my orders, his mom's orders), he doesn't feel like he's pulling his share as a man if he doesn't work ( me and children of legal age all work).

My children need to know (in 2 yrs) how to hold a job, balance a budget, keep a clean house, and cook.

18 yrs old and not in school - You have 1 month to find yourself a place to live or go to a SHELTER - they will give you a place to rest your head, and maybe even help you find a place to live, oh and by the way, they also make you pay for rent and food.

I've done my part, now legally, you're on your own, and I love you!

Sorry it's so long! But I work around alot of teens/young adults who have a "so whatever" attitude towards work, most do not tend to stay long at any particular job.

I've went thru the phases (ages of 11 - 15)of disrespectful children (some of mine) and all I've done was take their bed away (mattress stays), drawers go (clothes are put into large tubs), tv's and any music players go out also. They are put on a younger child's sleep schedule (bedtime is 9pm). Everything has to be earned back. They hate this!

 

[theOEGBman]

Quote:
I love it! Im in the process if lookin for a job myself, and I am putting in an application at the local Wildlife Care Center to help them out. Its just to be a volunteer, so no pay, but it will help me out in the long run, Im sure. They just had an add in the paper saying they have tons of baby birds they need help with, and I figured I'd try to help out as much as possible. I got a job at the age of 16, I was actually 15 when I got the job but I turned 16 a couple days later, and I've had another job since then that I recently lost, but I feel better when Im able to help out around the house. I love how you have everything set up though, it looks like it works great.

 

[Reinbeau]

Country Freedom, your children are fortunate to have you as a parent. They will go out into the world and do well. I wish more parents worked as hard as you have to make sure they are brought up properly. Good for you!

 

[balticbabe]

Quote:
So true. My ex-husband was raised by a single mother who indulged him. He thought of me as his mother's replacement. I was expected to pay all the bills, do all the housework, baby him even though he was a few years older than me.

Realize that your children aren't just yours, they will be someone's else's spouse, parent, employee and they need to be trained for that role.

 

[asher]

Quote:
I wish you lived here, J. I'd hire you in a minute to be my animal care taker and maybe occasional babysitter (do guys do that?

).

I want my kids to be like you when they grow up, but I think I've told you that before.