I finally reached out today.

[Lunachick]

Quote:
I believe this too.

to you Debi. You're a good friend, just keep being one.

 

[WVchick71]

If you believe in God then you know that he has the perfect plan for us all. If he has accepted Jesus Christ as his savior then he will be in wonderful hands! Its very hard , I know, to lose someone you love and care about. I have been there...but I found so much peace and hope knowing that God does have the perfect plan and that my loved one would be with our Lord. So, look to God for the peace and understanding to handle this tough time. I will keep you, your friend and his family in my prayers. May God bless you all!

 

[debilorrah]

Thank you so much everyone! They made it to Laguna Beach yesterday, and he was able to take a small walk and have lunch before he needed to come home again, so that was a good thing. I had a bad day yesterday - finding out his time was cut in half was a shock.

 

[CoyoteMagic]

I'm glad they made it. It's those things that will be remembered.


I always tell people, don't put off until tomorrow. Tomorrow may not always come. Do the things you've always wanted to do. The Bucket List!!!! Sky Dive!, dive with sharks, ride a bull but most of all make peace with your friends, with your family, with your neighbors for any wrong you may have comminted against them, no matter how small. Make peace with those who you have had nothing but problems with. Lay it out there. If they chose to accept it , wonderful, if not, it is on them and you are free to move on. Lastly, before you lay your head down at night make peace with yourself and your god. it will be he/she that you will come face to face with at the end time and you better have all your ducks lined up quack quack. I could die tonight and I have no regrets. I told my husband before he went to bed how much I love him. Told my momma the same when I talked to her today. My Ex-SIL is still part of our family and I tell her on just about every FB post, I love her.

I admit it. I don't have any kind of money. No one to leave it too if I did. Only the cats and the puppy and my Goddaughter Ne. Ne gets my Snoopy Collection. I've gotten here ever peanuts christmas ornaments since she was born!!!Saving that until she is married. It's already boxed, lol.

I'm ready. Plans are made. I clear my books everynight. I owe no one my account is clear. I am ready for when my time comes.

 

[sourland]

Debi, just go and see him. A few tears are OK. I avoided a friend who was dying of lung cancer until his wife called and said "If you want to see Ray before he dies, get here today." I went. We visited, and when I left he said "We'll meet again. Thanks for coming. Preserve your sobriety." He played a significant role in my life, and I would have never forgiven myself had I not visited him before he died. It sounds as if your friend is at peace with the situation. It's important that you go to see him. Best of luck in this. Geo.

 

[debilorrah]

We are having lunch today. The whole family too! My friend, Randy, the two kids, their spouses and their kids. Party at the pizza place! And I am to bring my Notary book. Uh oh.

 

[lockedhearts]

Debi,
I went through this back in 2000 with my oldest Uncle. I went through all the emotions too. I was blessed to spend the last week before he died with him and I would not take anything for that week. I cried, laughed, and created memories. He was more worried about me and how if I would be ok or not.
So, it is ok to cry, it is ok to laugh, most of all it is great to make the most of the last moments of time.

 

[Cetawin]

Quote:

Well said!

Deb that is all you can do but do not let the time you can share slip away, you will forever regret not having it once it is gone.

Death is sad, heartbreaking and numbing but it is also a part of life...we must all travel that road. It is more than fine and acceptable to travel it with laughter, joy, sharing and tears but never just the tears. Never be afraid to tell him of your fear, your anger or your sadness; he will understand and love you all the more for it.

Sounds to me as if he has found his acceptance and he wants to share some of his remaining time with you...give him that; it sounds like he is one helluva a man, deserving of that time.

We are here for you...to listen, to cry along with you and to hold you deep in our hearts and warm embrace. Go see him.

 

[featherbaby]

I'm so grateful to all of you for sharing. I am caring for my dad (86) as he slowly passes from life to death right now. Hospice is backing me up, but I am his only child and it's my responsibility to do everything for him I can. He had two strokes and the second one left him unable to communicate, almost totally unresponsive, confined to a hospital bed, muscles stiff (almost like a store manikin). It's becoming difficult to get any fluids in him because he can't swallow properly. His time is very short.

I am overcome with pity and sadness. My whole life is on hold because I can't do anything more. I'm also caring for my 85 year old mother who has dementia and her mind comes and goes. 3 months ago I brought them cross country to live with me for whatever time they have left. I had no idea how hard this would be on a single, self employed, independent woman of 59.

Hearing how you all are handling impending death of a loved one has helped me with some perspective (which I seem to have lost recently). I too, didn't know what to say to him. I think he can still hear me even though he can't respond. My parents are both Christians and I know they've got a better place to be......but letting him go is killing me. I've never experienced anything like this before and I'm not doing very well with it. I really need to hear what you all are saying. Thank you so much.

 

[6littlechickies]

first, Deb

Quote:
you hit the nail on the head there COYOTEMAGIC, could not agree more.

we lost my FIL to mesothelioma in late 2006, still trying to come to terms with that. At the time, he had 4 very young grandchildren, we have added two to the family since his passing (and another on the way). Before he went to be with our Lord, I found a book that was specific for grandfather's and had all kinds of questions about their life, likes/dislikes, etc. He and my MIL would work on answering it together. As often as he could he would actually write in it himself which is such a treasure to us now. I know it was something both he and my MIL enjoyed doing b/c it let them remember all the good times and a lot of memories. I know we (my DH and his two sisters) all have copies of the book and we all treasure it more than we can say. Some of the questions were things even they didn't know about their dad so it was a great way to keep his memory around. You don't need a 'book' to do this, you can just ask questions and have them answer or ask them if they want to write themselves. It's also a great way for you to keep the conversation flowing when you just are at a loss for words. If you have a video camera you can even record them answering. MIL still has the voice mail message FIL recorded on their home phone. At one point or another everyone has called there just to hear his voice again (almost 4 years later I still tear up hearing that message).

Another thing that was quite memorable was a photo show at his memorial service. I borrowed my in law's photo albums and spent two days scanning in photos (very healing for me) and put about 500 of the best ones into a massive slide show set to music (set to the song Lifesong by Casting Crowns, excellent song btw). We then used the laptop at the church to display the show during his calling hours. SOOO many of his friends stayed and watched the whole thing, I had pictures from him as a baby all the way through to present. The family loved it and everyone wanted a copy. I know even now, my MIL still watches hers often as do both my SIL, my kids even ask for the 'video about pop pop'. In fact, my youngest DS and one of my niece's was born a few months after he died (so never actually 'met' him) but both still know their 'Pop Pop' from watching that video so many times.

oh and let me end by saying....CANCER SUCKS!