Is it Wrong to have a "Crush" on Someone if You Are Married?

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Having a "crush" on someone is an affair of the heart. You 're unhappy and as previously said, you're obsessing about someone else hoping that you'll get some attention that you're not getting at home. It doesn't mean you'd act on it, but if you obsess long enough and opportunity presents itself you might. I think you need to keep reminding yourself why you fell in love with your husband in the first place and why you owe it to him and your children to keep your head in the marriage. If he doesn't go to counseling YOU should in order to learn how to deal with it.

Marriage is full of ups and downs. If you've had 10 good years . . . someone was going right. Don't wait for your DH to take steps to rekindle the romance. YOU do it!!

Sorry you're having trouble. It's not uncommon. You'll get through it!

 

[Chickie Mamma]

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Thats what the problem is... Yes, he like the female wrestlers etc.. but this is real life. I have never felt like this while married. I think about this "crush" alot, and I feel bad about it. It is just a fantasy, and maybe it will pass, but sometimes I hope it doesn't. Thats what makes it wrong huh?

 

[dixieland]

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As I am sure you know, happiness can take alot of work. Work on yourself, work with your partner, and just knowing that respect is sometimes hard to give, when we just really wanna yell out heads off at the one we know can take it.

Yes, it can take alot of work! It has taken alot of work for the past couple years. He doesn't want to work on it. I respect him as a good father and provider, but other than that, there's nothing

My other half and I went through a very rough patch about 5 years ago.......Someone of interest from my past came back into my life, and all of a sudden I was getting all of the attention that my husband used to give me (via online chat only)...I thought long and hard about acting on the great surge of emotions that were making me feel spectacular again.... I didn't... I sat my husband down, told him that I loved and respected him, and that our relationship was dying and that I thought we had both been neglecting it. I told him that I had considered cheating on him, but respected him too much to do that behind his back..... I apologized for growing so complacent in the past few years and then I asked him a very direct question--"Where do we go from here?"
Without batting an eyelash he said " We WILL make this work.. " We have been through counseling both together and separate, and we have re- evaluated our priorities....We are both eachother's top priority...His big hobbies are antiques and watching football.... Mine are breeding, raising and showing dogs and now I'm venturing into chickens...We have no interest in eachother's hobbies. but we are respectful and supportive....We are happier then we have ever been, but--do you know what??? Being in a healthy happy marriage takes work on both sides...
I'm not saying that this will work for you, but at least take the time to have a long heart to heart conversation with your husband about what the future holds for both of you...

Sending lots of positive vibes up towards New England

 

[Beekissed]

You may just need a change...you sound like you are in a rut. Get out and get a job for some of your own spending money and a fresh outlook. Get a job where you are helping people...this has a way of keeping your mind off yourself and the little things.

I had a friend that was unhappy at home and scared to leave also. There are few alternatives there...you can either bloom where you are planted or make a big change. She decided to go back to school and become a nurse so that she had something that made her feel good about herself~and she stayed in her marriage. No, her man didn't change...but SHE did and it made all the difference.

You really can't wait for someone else to make you happy~especially another man....you could be waiting a long time.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

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Thanks

I know of ups and downs. My husband is nothing like the man I married. He was fun, spontaneous, had a great sense of humor. He changed so much. No more fun, no more spontaneous (well, thanks to the kids) I understand that

But, I don't trust him anymore either, which is the major problem. We have had trust issues in the past... Not once but twice now.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Thanks

I know of ups and downs. My husband is nothing like the man I married. He was fun, spontaneous, had a great sense of humor. He changed so much. No more fun, no more spontaneous (well, thanks to the kids) I understand that

But, I don't trust him anymore either, which is the major problem. We have had trust issues in the past... Not once but twice now.

Oh dear. I think you need to PM me..... We may have something in common.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
Yes, it can take alot of work! It has taken alot of work for the past couple years. He doesn't want to work on it. I respect him as a good father and provider, but other than that, there's nothing

My other half and I went through a very rough patch about 5 years ago.......Someone of interest from my past came back into my life, and all of a sudden I was getting all of the attention that my husband used to give me (via online chat only)...I thought long and hard about acting on the great surge of emotions that were making me feel spectacular again.... I didn't... I sat my husband down, told him that I loved and respected him, and that our relationship was dying and that I thought we had both been neglecting it. I told him that I had considered cheating on him, but respected him too much to do that behind his back..... I apologized for growing so complacent in the past few years and then I asked him a very direct question--"Where do we go from here?"
Without batting an eyelash he said " We WILL make this work.. " We have been through counseling both together and separate, and we have re- evaluated our priorities....We are both eachother's top priority...His big hobbies are antiques and watching football.... Mine are breeding, raising and showing dogs and now I'm venturing into chickens...We have no interest in eachother's hobbies. but we are respectful and supportive....We are happier then we have ever been, but--do you know what??? Being in a healthy happy marriage takes work on both sides...
I'm not saying that this will work for you, but at least take the time to have a long heart to heart conversation with your husband about what the future holds for both of you...

Sending lots of positive vibes up towards New England

Very wise! I have tried to talk to him several times... he walks away. If he would just say "we will make it work" I would have more hope. He is fine with counseling on his own.. but together, he almost refuses. He is a sports nut.. I go to Yankee games with him, give tickets for gifts (because thats what he likes) and he never shows an ounce of interest in what I like or gives a gift thats appropriate. No thought at all

Wish he would make an effort.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

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Oh..my..

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Sounds like you guys need a sitter and a date. SERIOUSLY, been there done that. It's a rut we all get into at times. The crush..well it sounds like to me you are just projecting things you want from your husband onto this person and the sooner that is realized the sooner the marriage can get fun again. You say you have met the crush just a couple times in the last few years...ya know...he could really be a jerk too. Do you really want to start all over with someone else and all their maddening little nervewracking habits?!?!!? I wouldn't!

DH is bad enough!!

I'd never get used to someone else's irritating quirks! What you have with your husband is probably more worthy of salvaging than this crush is worthy of getting a chance to begin with. Yes I believe having a crush is wrong. I've been wrong before too

That is probably why you feel guilty because you really know it is not right to start with. You say your husband is not the same as the man you married, nor was mine...but here is the catch...I wasn't the same woman he married either, we both changed, some for better, some not so much. You may just have to meet and get to know each other all over again..and uh, there's nothing more fun than that

It's legal for ya to kiss on the first date when you're married to the guy

DH and I have had a lot of fun learning to live with each other again. I still would like to squish his head some days, and I figure he feels the same, but we are making it work. Start slow, and get to know each other again. Heck, pay the kids to cook supper while you two relax TOGETHER. Baby steps. Nothing will happen overnight.

 

[dixieland]

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Very well said Cindi!!!

I wish I could snap my fingers and fix this for you..I know how much this hurts and can really damage your self esteem......Sending hugs to you now